Chapter 2

Blakely

Two beautiful mocha colored breasts with dark chocolate nipples, begged to be freed from the captivity of Jamie’s purple see through bra. I took my time releasing them, savoring the feel of them against my lips, the tips puckered into tight buds as I lavished them with my tongue.

            “I missed you. Why’d you stay away for so long?” Jamie mumbled as she twirled a lock of my hair.

            She knew exactly why and if she brought it up again I’d stay away even longer. I kept my focus on her breasts, nipping the stiff peak with my teeth, in an attempt to ignore her, but she wouldn’t let up.

            “Just tell me what’s so wrong with me wanting you to myself, Blake? It seems pretty reasonable to me. It’s the way relationships are supposed to work. We do have a relationship, don’t we?”

            “Jamie, are we really going to have this conversation again? Right now?” I glanced pointedly at her breast. Now was clearly not the best time.

            “Damn right, we are,” she answered as she got up and grabbed her robe, hiding away her perfect curves from my view.

            If I were a guy and had a cock it would be shriveling into a soft blob of neglect. I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling as I contemplated going after her or going home. Jacob wasn’t home so if I went there I could avoid the upcoming argument, but I went after Jamie instead, knowing I’d regret it. I found her on the balcony smoking a cigarette. I couldn’t readily decide which upset me the most: her smoking or her standing on the balcony half-naked and tipsy. Her apartment was on the eleventh floor. One slip and she’d be nothing more than gruesome decorations for the concrete below.

            “I don’t need this shit, Blakely. I told you what I wanted,” she snapped.

            “Jamie, come back inside. It’s cold out here and I didn’t come here to argue with you.”

            “Then why did you come here?”

            It damn sure wasn’t for this. I pinched the bridge of my nose and walked away. We’d shared a bottle of wine when I got here, but clearly she’d had something stronger before that. I ignored her screeching rants and started to get dressed, knowing that would at least get her back inside. By the time I’d slipped my heels back on, she’d blocked the door.

            “I’m sorry, please don’t go. Just hear me out. Just this one time, talk to me,” she begged, eyes glazed with tears and pupils blown.

            Definitely something stronger than wine, but what, and how in the hell had I missed it. In my defense, I hadn’t much been concerned with her face when I’d arrived. My eyes dipped down to her breast, full and round, peeking through the sheer material she wore. Devil tits. I shook my head and forced my eyes back to her face.

            “Jamie, we’ll take later. You need to get some rest.”

            “Stay with me? I won’t talk about how I feel anymore. I swear.”

            “You don’t have to hide your feelings, that wouldn’t be fair. I just don’t want to hear the same thing every single time I come over. That’s all you talk about now. It’s like you have no other focus, nothing else matters. All I wanted was to relax and have an easy night.” I tried to pull her to me for a hug, wanting to soften the blow of my words, but she resisted.

            “I can’t help how I feel, Blakely. I can’t change what my heart wants. I can’t pretend I’m something I’m not. I’m not you.”

Well, ouch. So much for softening blows. Bitterness laced her voice. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. I should have gone home. “That’s not fair. You knew the situation from day one. I can’t change that,” I retorted.

            “Of course, you can change it!” she shouted. “If anyone can change it, it’s you and Taylor. The truth is you don’t want to change it. So where does that leave me?”

            She was partially right. If I wanted a divorce, Taylor and I could make it happen with literally no fuss. Jacob had signed a pre-nuptial agreement and it was airtight in my favor. His best bet would be to take what I decided to give him and graciously bow out. None of that mattered though. She knew how I felt and she’d agreed to our circumstances. However, the truth was I didn’t have an answer for her where that left her. I didn’t even bother trying to come up with one. The problem was that I didn’t want to get a divorce just to appease her. I wasn’t thrilled with my marriage to Jacob, and I definitely cared for Jamie, but my heart didn’t belong to either of them. It would never belong to either of them.

            “What kind of hold does he have on you, Blakely?” she asked, voice desperate and pleading like she knew this was the end.

            “What type of hold do you think, Jamie? He’s my husband!” I shouted.

            She gave me a watery smile and shook her head.

            “Then why are you here with me?”

            Freaking splendid question and even though I knew the answer I couldn’t give it to her. Because I couldn’t tell her she was as close as I could get to what I truly wanted, without hurting her. A part of me wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her the truth, that I wanted her, but not the way she needed me to. I wanted to tell her that being with her was only supposed to be temporary. Things changed though. I enjoyed her more than I expected and I needed her to fill my void, the loneliness that I felt for not being able to have what I really wanted, who I really wanted. I wanted to tell her that the only person I truly loved would never love me the same.

Then again, I had no desire to take her feelings into account right now. I had no desire to be nice, to sugar coat anything. She deserved better than what I was giving her and I couldn’t find it in me to care anymore. Yes, I cared for her, but it was nowhere near enough.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be,” I shrugged. “Goodbye, Jamie.”

Her mouth dropped open and her eyes bulged as a strangled sound of protest left her. I didn’t pause, just grabbed my coat and purse, opened the door and left. I rode the elevator down to the garage, got into my car and made my way to the home I shared with the husband I didn’t want, but tolerated because— fuck if I actually knew why.