senior... I love you!!!

Maze's

The class just finished and me and my friends decided to grab a bite to a nearby restaurant at the university. But upon reaching the restaurant, my phone suddenly rang and the caller ID shows that it's my great Dad.

"Maze? What's wrong?" I looked at Crimson as Heather and Royce went ahead of us inside the restaurant. He seemed to notice the sudden change in my mood and already had a clue who the caller is. "Well, he won't call you unless it's urgent." He said while shrugging and he's right. My Dad won't call me to have a chitchat cause we're not really close in the first place. So for sure, it's important and I have no choice but to answer him and take the call in front of Crimson.

"What is it?" I asked him with an indignant tone and it took him a while to answer on the other line. I waited for him to answer but what he said had instantly shattered my whole world. 

"Y-your Mom. S-she's gone." 

"Maze? Maze? What's wrong?" I can hear Crimson's worried voice but I can't find any words to answer his question as my tears started falling down my cheeks and everything around me seemed insignificant. 

'This is not happening.'

°°°°°°°°°

"Maze, let's go. We have to leave." My friend, Royce tried convincing me to go with them for the nth time but I ignored him and stayed still. The burial ceremony has ended and everyone who attended the ceremony had already left but I remained sitting on a nearby marble bench while staring blankly at my Mom's grave. I don't want to leave her. 

She's all I have. And now that she's gone, my home's also gone. 

And there's no point in coming home and see how my Dad is doing just fine amidst of the fact that his wife committed suicide because of him. 

I can still remember that day when he called me only to tell me that my mother took her own life. 

And funny how I knew right away what's the reason is. 

And it's none other than my father's cheating. 

He's been cheating on her. 

He's abusing her, mentally and emotionally. 

I tried convincing her to just leave Dad and go with me just for me to save her from living a miserable life with her unfaithful husband but she refused. 

What's more funny is how my Mom tried convincing g me to reconcile with him just because she loves him so much and she wants me to have a happy family and that I'll understand her once I get older.

And I can't help but flash a mocking smile while still staring at her grave. I can feel my eyes welling up bit I tried my best to stop my tears from falling. I can also feel my friends staring at me. 

I know that they pity my situation right now. 

But I don't need that. 

And I don't think I can ever understand my Mom for loving my Dad unconditionally that it came to a certain extent that she took her own life. And if that's what love is, then fuck it. I don't want to experience it. 

Ironic how the only woman I've ever loved and the one who wants to teach me what love is took her own life because of the very same thing she always believed to be wonderful. 

She took her own life because of the only man she had ever loved and dedicated all her life with. 

'Is this what you call beautiful, Mom?'

She had always told me that love is the most wonderful feeling that a person can ever feel. 

But obviously, it's not.

"Maze, please--"

"I just need some time alone, Guys." I cut off Crimson's word before looking at the three of them. Heather was about to voice out his protests but I looked at him to stop him from whatever he's going to say and he did. "Please. I'll come home later. You can go ahead of me." I said before looking away from the three of them and looking at my mom's grave once again. 

Helena Johnson King1

971 - 2018

'Is this really how you want it to end, Mom?'

"You can leave him with me, Boys." I saw from my peripheral vision how my friends turned in sync to look at my father while I sat frozen on my seat just by hearing his voice. "My son and I needs to talk." 

It's obvious that my friends would rather listen to me than him so I looked at them before nodding. Trying my best to look calm and compose but God knows how much I wanted to run amok. I had to convince my friends that I'll be fine cause they all looked hesitant about leaving me with my father. 

So I nodded at them before sighing. 

"You can go now, I'll be fine." I assured them. And Crimson, who knows me best understood. He nodded at me before they all turned to face my Dad and bowed their heads to show their respect. Which my father didn't deserve in the first place. 

"We'll leave now, Uncle." Crimson said and they all left without waiting for my Dad's answer. 

I did not bother looking at him and just stared blankly at my Mom's grave once again. We remained silent for I don't know how long until I felt his presence beside me. And I couldn't stand it. Not because I felt intimidated or what. But because I felt suffocated just by having him around. I cannot stand a cheater's presence let alone my Dad's who's the reason for all my suffering. 

But I have to do this. And after this day, I'll make sure that he won't have any chance to suffocate me. I should've done this a long time ago if only my Mom had agreed with me. But it's too late. 

And now, I'm doing this for myself and there's no turning back.

It's now or never. 

"Your Mom left this box for you." He extended his hand in front of me to hand me a small box. My name was written on top of it in a beautiful manner that made me so sure that it's my Mom's handwriting. And it made me miss her even more. And so I took it from my him and just stared at it. I heard my father sighed but I didn't looked at him as I was too focused at the box. "I know you're blaming me." What he said made me snort. 

"Good for you, then." I said sarcastically. And that's when I saw him turned to look at me. 

"Listen, Maze. I never wanted all of these to happen--" 

"You can stop pretending now. No one's watching you. It's only the two of us left so you can definitely drop the facade cause we both know very well that you everything but a great family man." I retorted as I can feel my anger overshadowing my resolve. 

"Maze, I love your Mom. Will you please listen to me?" And that's when I lost it all. I stood abruptly and looked at him with fuming eyes. My mind refused to accept another lie. 

"No, you don't! You never loved my Mom. You just loved the fact that you can hurt her every night and she would still wake up early in the morning to prepare your favorite breakfast! You just loved the fact that you can fuck other woman all day long and she would still wait for you to come home like a fucking puppy! You just loved the fact that you have a martyred and naive wife who believed all your lies and did her best to revive our family until she couldn't handle it anymore." My voice cracked in the middle of my outburst but I couldn't stop. "You don't fucking court someone, ask her to marry you and them make her life a living hell the whole duration of your marriage. That's not what fucking love is! You know everything but love, you hear me?! All you know is to make your so called family suffer and make then see how fucking miserable it is to love you!" I can feel my tears streaming down my face when I said that. And I can't help but to smile bitterly. "All you fucking cared about is your reputation, your mistress and you're fucking Empire. You were never a good father to me neither a good husband to my Mom and I. And now you're telling me that you love her when I know for a fact that you've been fucking other woman?!" I shouted and him and he just stared at me. It's obvious that he can't find the right words to answer me. 

"I am still your father." He said and I couldn't help but to smile mockingly. I even laughed at what he said because he sounded so ridiculous. 

'What a fucking clown.'

"And who fucking told you that I see you as my father? The only one that binds us is my Mom and now she's dead because of you. Because she can't fucking take your cheating anymore! She killed herself because of the too much pain you've caused her!" I shouted once again. I can't keep my hands to myself so I pushed him hard just to lessen my suffocation. "The moment you started hurting my mother is also the time when you stopped being my father! And that's long ago so fuck off!" I said through gritted teeth. I saw his bodyguards walking towards us so I looked at them with anger causing them to hesitate for a second. It was then my Dad looked at them and he sighed while clenching his jaw. I can see that he's just trying his best to hold back and not to show me his true colors and I must admit that he's good at keeping such facade. So good that it makes me want to puke. 

"Leave us alone." A single order is enough to show me his authority but I didn't budge. His bodyguards immediately walked away from us and we are left once again. "Maze, please listen to me, My son."

I looked at him with disgust cause I can clearly see how fake he is. 

"I've heard enough lies." I said through gritted as I turn my back. "You can actually forget about me and my Mom. Go live with your mistress and I won't bother you anymore. And you can keep your fucking wealth and legacy all by yourself. Cause I will never ask for your help." I said indignantly before walking away.

"You can't do this to me, Maze! You're my son!" He sounded so desperate and I can't help but laugh without humor. He seems as though he can't live without me, but it's obvious that I can't live with him. 

"I refused to be your son." I said with finality in my voice and continued walking away. Not even looking back. 

I should've done this a long time ago. I could've saved my Mom from killing herself if I was only able to take her away from this horrible man. 

But I was too late.

And now, I am doing this for myself. I can't live with the man who is the reason why I lost my home. I lost the only woman I've ever loved. 

"You can never survive living alone in this world, Maze! You hear me?! You will crawl back to my mercy and I'll make sure of that!" He shouted once again but I didn't bother looking back as I continued walking away while holding on tight at the box that my Mom left for me. 

'Fuck your mercy.'

And as I walk away, I am no longer Maze King. I choose not to be associated with a clown. I will use my Mother's name to honor her.

I will be Maze Johnson. 

And I will walk away from these bullshits and never come back. And I will never let Mazon King have the satisfaction to see me crawling back to his mercy. And in order to do that, I must not be weak. 

I choose to live a new life away from the things that reminded me how weak I was then for not being able to save my mother from her love. I refused to feel love cause I know that it will be my weakness. 

And I refused to be weak. 

I will prove Mr. King that I can survive without his help. That I can survive without anyone. And I will never let love be the death of me.