OLWETHU'S POVAfter reading Vee's message of us having to talk I kinda panicked a bit. I was scared.. not necessarily scared but nervous. What were we going to say..? That we should stop kissing and it was a mistake? Shit! That freaked me out a bit. I down low didn't want it to be a mistake.. I knew it was wrong but... I was fucked.. literally fucked. I mean the first kiss was to shut me up.. and we got stopped before it could escalate.. but the second one. God! That was everything I needed in the past four years and more. How I felt, how her touching me felt so familiar like we never stopped. I was in deep ish because she was slowly breaking down my walls and making me weak for her again. Scary as fuck.... but I guess us talking about it and addressing it was ideal. "Umh... what's wrong with you? You look like shit..." Susan said walking in. My phone was still in my hand and the message from Vee was open still. I looked at my friend, "nothing I'm good." "Really.. let me see your

I could feel my heart beat on my chest slowly. I listened to it silently as the quietness of the room consumed me. I just had sex with Valentia. I just told her I love her. How could I be so stupid. She was married. God! "Hey... you good...?" I nodded slowly not even caring to look at her, "yeah.. I'm good.""Did you guys talk?" I didn't respond. "God.. did you talk or did you have sex..? please tell me you didn't have sex with Valentia Olwethu...!" Paige said and I got up into a sitting position then looked at the girl, "what? Where were you?" She shrugged, "I figured you'd need some privacy and left immediately when you guys got into your room.. what happened..?" I sighed in relief. Ahh.. she didn't hear anyone moaning. "I.. we..." "You had sex?" She said now sounding shook. I sighed in defeat, there was no need for me to actually lie, "I couldn't stop her.. we couldn't stop.." "Why did you start in the first place? God Olwethu Valentia is married...!" I couldn't hel

You know what's awful, feeling like you don't exist in someone's life.. no, not just someone random, someone who means the world to you, someone you'd turn tables for, cross crocodile river for (if that exists).. it is the most shittiest feeling to feel like someone you love is treating you like you don't matter one bit. This was a norm now, two weeks after the lash out in my office and Valentia went stone cold on me. Work... We were great, amazing infact and we met a few times to discuss the up coming book and even met with the author to discuss a way forward. The only thing that was left was me editing the book.... I did slowly.. my mind and heart were not on it because Valentia and I were not in good terms.. we only talked where there is a crowd of people and when it was about work or when necessary, like the last time she walked into the kitchen and I was making tea, she said hi, did whatever she wanted and then left. That cut deep..way way deep. I know what I said to her was

Have you ever found yourself so utterly lost or tired emotionally? Well I was, because I realized I was wasting my energy trying to chase what my heart was down for... which I had no idea if it still felt the same.Valentia wasn't okay, she's just gotten divorced and she was trying to get herself together and I on the other and was unknowingly trying to force things... I was pushing her. I needed to chill and leave her alone. So I'd stop feeling like this. Because right now I felt like everything I was doing was wrong and that ended up resulting in draining me emotionally. I ended up feeling like she was just tired of me or whatever and I was thinking why even bother... why even keep on trying when she has staff to deal with. Why bother when she looks like she ain't even interested... I should stop telling her I love her or I miss her or I'm here. I should just treat her like my boss and just be me at work. Never even try to hope for something because she wasn't her old self. I shou

At the funeral... I felt like a zombie. I felt out of place and emotionless or even lost. My mother cried, my little sister was a zombie like me. She only cried once when she saw me and since then she's been cooped up next to me. I was there mentally... but not with my heart. It didn't exist at that moment.. it was ice cold...My dreams were literally getting worse. I was just happy I didn't wake my sister while sleeping. You know I watched during the funeral as the pastor spoke, praising him and telling us how much of a good husband he was and what a great father and family man he was. It made me sick to my stomach... His family sitting there crying yet they knew the shit he put me through... But I tried to calm me down, they didn't experience what I did. Therefore they didn't know how I felt. So I just kept quiet and held on to my sister. I thought by now, a week later since he died I'd be okay... that I'd be feeling better and getting my old self back. I hardly talked to Vee, s