It's D-day and I'm nervous. It doesn't help that I'm sitting in the sun. I feel hot, sweaty and uncomfortable. The bleachers we're sitting on are right under the scorching sun. It baffles my mind that no one thought to create shade for the spectators.  It's going to be a very long 90 minutes. I fan my face trying to get the cool air into my face but that doesn't help at all.  I look around at the parents sitting in the bleachers with me. The majority of them are coupled up and I wish it was the same for me. I wish Shalom was sitting next to me. I feel terrible for the way things turned out.   And hate to admit it but I'm a coward. I should have called her and told her why I was distant. Make her understand that I was sad and I didn't know how to come to her and be vulnerable. I always feel like I need to be strong for her, I never want her to feel like I can't protect her. Sharing my weaker side is terrifying

Two weeks later Kane's house It's Friday night, and I thought I would invite a few friends over. Jay, my cousin and my childhood friend Sam and their partners came through. Shalom and I have been cooped up in the house for a week. We wanted to be alone so we could reconnect, we needed to talk. I took time off work and she came and slept over every night. I told her stories about my mother. I shared how much I miss having her around. I didn't realize I was mourning for the times she's going to miss out on my life until the moment we talked about it.  I am heartbroken that she will never know my children and they will never know her. She was an incredible woman and I know she would have loved them with all her heart. 

"So you're telling me you don't believe in the idea of having a soul mate?" Jay says staring at me. I smile and shake my head. He's been trying to convince me that people can love more than one person at a time and I've been giving her a hard time. Of course, I know you can love more than one person at a time. I loved Kane my whole life. I met another man and was ready to move with him to China but Kane was always in the back of my mind. My feelings for him never changed. I'm just being difficult, I love how invested Jay is in this conversation. I know he's in love with his lady or else he wouldn't be looking at me like I have three heads. I bet he finds it deeply offensive that I won't agree with him."Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask and the room goes silent. Everyone is looking at me now. "why is that hard to believe?""Well..." Connie says pointing from me to Kane. I look at Kane and he's looking at me wi

Two hours after their friends left "We don't have much left to go," Kane says coming to sit next to me on his sofa I stop rubbing my belly and smile. "We need to figure out how where we're going to live." He says placing his hand on my belly. My heart rate kicks up a gear at his comment. I knew this conversation was coming and I thought I would be ready when it happened but I'm not so sure now. "You could move in with me," I say jokingly and he smiles nodding. "I could do that but I don't think there'll be enough room for all of us." He says looking at me with a serious look on his face. He's not wrong, I have a three-bedroom, two-bath. Adding him, Junior, and the baby it's going to be a struggle."I know," I say not wanting to think about moving out of my house. I won't leave my mother by herself. I love Kane and I would love to raise this baby in the same house with him but I will never choose him over my mother. A man

"You look like you're thinking hard," Olive says when I open my front door. She smiles at me and takes a step into the front door. She walks past me and heads straight to my living room. "You have the look of a man that has a lot of responsibilities." She adds and she sits down. I watch her do this whole process wondering if it's a good idea. The last time Olive was mentioned in my relationship, it almost ended. "I do have a lot on my mind," I say closing the door and head to the living room. I sit in the chair opposite hers and she stares at me. I can tell she has a lot on her mind and she's trying to find the right words. I know why she's here. She found out I'm buying a house for Shalom and me. She knows we're expecting a baby and I guess this is her here to call me out. "Anything you want to talk about?" She asks her eyes filled with so much hurt. I feel guilty for putting that hurt. I wish I could tell her this was supposed to go differently but I don't think it would have gon