All Chapters of Rule Number One: My Brother's Best Friend : Chapter 111 - Chapter 120

147 Chapters

Chapter 111: If I can’t have you

At last, his response comes.I'm worried that I'm just another distraction from the problems in your marriage. You're self-destructing, Jazz. Sleeping with your boss's husband, your friend's husband... I don't judge you for any of that, but I can see that they're ways in which you're trying to blow up your life because you're unhappy with it. And I need to know that if you go on this date with me, it's not just because you're trying to blow everything up. I need to know it's because you really want me.I reread this message several times, embarrassment, anger, and relief coursing through me. In a way, I'm glad that Jason has seen through all the bad choices I've made recently, but it stings to be called out on them.Before I can respond, I get another message from him.I really don't mean to be harsh. But I have thought about you every day since you broke up with me. This isn't a game for me. This is it: the one thing in life I have always wanted. And I need to know you're serious.I

Chapter 112: A full weekend

Sean gives me permission to be gone for a full weekend, seeing as how it's my last date. He seems a bit nervous about it, but I think he can tell I need it, so after a few tense minutes, he agrees. I follow Jason's instructions exactly, packing nothing and bringing only my handbag with my wallet, mobile phone and passport. On Saturday morning -- the first Saturday of April -- I get a taxi and arrive at St Pancras right at 9:55.At the station, I wait for Jason to arrive. The excitement is so palpable that I don't even feel guilty about going away for a weekend with my ex. I have no idea what to expect. Jason didn't want to have sex last time, but this time, things seem more serious between us. And we're spending two nights together. How will we be able to resist each other for a whole weekend?For a moment, I allow myself to wonder how sex will change things. That's all that the Weekend Club was supposed to be about -- sex. But with Jason, this is about feelings, and those are turning

Chapter 113: Boredom

I wake a few hours later to find an open suitcase at the bottom of my bed - full of clothes in my exact size. I pull out a gorgeous little black dress with a Versace label attached, and I shake my head as Jason steps out of the shower."You really didn't have to do any of this," I say."I know I didn't have to," he says, smiling mischievously. "But seeing you in that dress is going to make it more than worth it, don't you think?"I get dressed in the new dress and slip into a pair of the red-soled high heels he's bought for me, and we go for a late afternoon snack. We go to a wine bar along the Seine for wine and tapas, then he takes me to the Musee de l'Orangerie, where we lose ourselves in the art and gardens for a few hours.After that, we got to dinner in the Eiffel Tower, and I feel as if I am living inside of a dream. The lights of Paris are spread out beneath us, and after dinner, as we look at the view together, my heart feels as if it's going to burst.We just make it back to

Chapter 114: Soulmates

I don't say anything for a moment. I'm too annoyed and sad and disappointed to speak. Jason has put me up on a pedestal: he thinks that just because we feel passionately about each other now, that it will last forever. But I know how relationships work; I know how passion works. We feel passionate about each other precisely because we haven't been together all these years. It has imbued our relationship with tension and loss, given it a will-they-won't-they arc, made it more romantic. There is no safety or security. And that's not what he wants; not really. Because safety and security, while important and necessary in many ways, are the death of passion.That's why the Weekend Club works so well. It allows couples to keep their safety and security while also experiencing the tension and fear of new passion."You would get bored," I say after a long moment. "And it would be all the worse because you hadn't expected it. And then you'd leave me, and I'd be heartbroken in a way from which

Chapter 115: Intolerable

I hover my finger over the delete button and try to pluck up the courage to do what I know I need to.My heart is beating hard in my chest, and I can't help but feel as though I'm making a mistake. But I know this is the right thing to do - and if I don't do it now, then I might never be brave enough.It's been nearly ten days since I came back from the trip to Paris with Jason, and I have never felt so low in my life. Despite my resolve, on the morning I woke up in Paris, to put an end to the fantasy part of my life and return to reality, it has been easier said than done. A great, cavernous hole seems to have filled my chest, and nothing in my old life can fill it. Although I get joy from being around Donnie, everything else feels dull and lifeless. All the things I found barely tolerable before the club are now intolerable. Like my job. Like Sean.He has noticed, of course. He's not blind; he can tell something is up. And as he reads to Donnie on the sofa, I find myself watching th

Chapter 116: Positive

I wake up on Friday morning, a couple of days after I deleted the app, with my stomach stirring with nausea. I make it to the bathroom just in time to throw up, and by the time I stagger out again, Sean is waiting for me, looking concerned. I lift a hand to get him away from me."Don't come too close," I warn. "I've got some kind of stomach bug, I don't want to give it to you and Donnie.""Do you want me to get you anything?" He asks. I shake my head as I crawl back into bed."I just want to rest for a little bit. I'll call out sick to work."I curl up in bed and feel sorry for myself the rest of the day, reassuring myself that I'm going to be fine tomorrow. But before I can so much as make myself a morning coffee, the nausea hits me again, and I am bent over the toilet bringing up everything I ate the night before.It doesn't make sense, I think, as I clean myself up. Donnie and Sean are both fine, so why would this stomach bug have hit just me...?I figure that I can take the weeken

Chapter 117: Pregnant Me

It isn't as hard to find Jason as I thought it would be. It turns out we still have mutual friends from uni. I reach out to them on Instagram, and although they are surprised to hear I'm trying to get in touch with the man who brought me so much heartbreak, one of them -- a woman a few years older than me who studied law with him and would always take me under her wing on nights out -- gives me his number.I don't spend too much time composing the text. I get straight to the point:Jason, It's Jazz. I got your number from Elaine. Something has happened and I need to speak to you. It's very important. Please let me know if you can meet sometime this week.His reply comes more quickly than I was expecting.I'll be in London this week for work. Let's meet Thursday for lunch.Thank you. I have an in-person meeting in the office on Thursday afternoon, so it actually works perfectly for me.On Thursday, Jason and I meet at a bland, unforgettable cocktail bar in Westminster, the kind of plac

Chapter 118: Called out

I didn't know this, and it's impressive. More than that, though, I'm intrigued by the life he wants to build with me: one where nothing is predictable. Nothing is routine. It's a far cry from the life I have with Sean. Not a bad life, of course, but maybe just not the one I want anymore.But then the guilt comes. I can't just jet off all over the world, not with a five-year-old son. Nor does it seem fair to abandon Sean simply because he doesn't want this kind of life.Or is that exactly why I should leave him? Because even though I do love him, deep down, and have shared so much with him, we no longer want the same things?"I know you need to think about things," Jason continues. "Although I do hope, no matter what you decide to do, that I can be involved in this child's life.""Of course," I say, and I mean it: I'm not about to keep my child from its father. Although I still haven't decided if I'm keeping it.His eyes bore into mine, and I know he knows exactly what I'm thinking abo

Chapter 119: Revenge

I raise an eyebrow, trying to keep calm despite the panic building inside me. "I don't know what you're talking about, Julie.""Yes you do. There's no point in playing dumb with me. You've wanted to see me humiliated for a long time, and now you think you have."I stare at her incredulously. "You're the one who enjoyed humiliating me, Julie! Every day, for absolutely no reason, you put me down in front of everyone.""That's bullshit and you know it." Julie's nostrils flare. "You've been after my job for months. You're a snake, and you know it. Worst of all, you're terrible at your job, but you've somehow managed to ingratiate yourself with Steve and trick him into thinking you're something other than the lazy, mediocre accountant I know you to be. You probably slept with him, or at least sent him some dirty texts, to get him under your thumb, didn't you?"I stare at Julie, hardly believing what I'm hearing. "What the fuck? Of course I didn't! How can you even -""Because that's what w

Chapter 120: We need to talk

The horror of it all washes through me again, and I feel like I am going to be sick. Combined with the morning sickness, I'm surprised that I don't vomit all over my desk. Instead, as I stare at the self-satisfied, vindictive smirk on Julie's face, I am filled with a rage I have never felt before.Rage at Julie, for making my work life a living hell these past few years, and now inserting herself into my private life as well. Rage at Sean, for fucking the woman who humiliates me on a daily basis, for knowing how much of a betrayal that would be. And most of all, rage at myself, for getting myself into this situation.For pushing away my husband. For driving him into Julie's arms. For falling out of love with him.Because that, I realise, as I stare into Julie's eyes, is the problem: it's not about Jason, it's not about Julie, and it's not about the Weekend Club. It's about the fact that as much as I loved Sean once, that love is no longer there. And I have been looking for every way o

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