dad joke pick up lines

When the college admission notice arrived, I suddenly developed a high fever and was bedridden. My sister encountered a kidnapping on her way to help me collect the notice, and her life was uncertain. My parents hated me deeply. After tearing up my admission notice, they forced me to give up my studies and work in a factory. Later, I experienced a kidnapping as well. After narrowly escaping, I hid in an abandoned factory and sent them a message for help. My dad called me and shouted at me without restraint, “Lena, are you even human? How could you play such a joke on us on Jessica's memorial day!” “Do you have any idea how much your mom and I wished it had been you who died back then?” In my last moments before death, their insults echoed in my ears. I was tortured and killed, turned into a monster, and my body was thrown into a stinking ditch for three full days. Even my father, the most experienced forensic expert, couldn’t recognize me. When my sister returned home with the guy she eloped with years ago, my dad had just restored my appearance through technology. They knelt before my decaying corpse and cried until they fainted.

My father's adopted daughter was only locked in the cramped storage closet for around fifteen minutes, yet he punished me by tying me up and throwing me inside. He even sealed off the ventilation with towels. "As Wendy's older sister, if you can't take care of her, then you should also experience how scared she was," he declared coldly. He knew I was claustrophobic, but my desperate pleas for mercy, my terror, were met with nothing but heartless reprimands. "Let this be a lesson on how to be a good sister." As the last sliver of light disappeared, swallowed by the oppressive darkness, I struggled helplessly. A week passed before my father finally remembered my existence and decided it was time to end my punishment. "Let's hope this week served as a good lesson for you, Jennifer. If this happens again, you will no longer be allowed in this house." He would never know that I had already taken my last breath in that suffocating room. My body had begun to rot in the darkness.

Audrey has a crush on her best friend single father, Mr. Knight from a young age. She didn’t dare to tell him because Knight had always taken her as his daughter because of the huge age gap. At her 18th birthday, she finally had the courage to confess to him but shit hits the fan as she finds him kissing her sister. Feeling betrayed she heads off to college and tries moving on until he comes finding her…and this time he isn't willing to back down.

One reckless night. One unexpected baby. Two men who might be the father.Darcy never saw it coming..literally. A cryptic pregnancy leaves her blindsided when she wakes up in a hospital bed with a newborn in her arms. But the real shock? Her daughter's father could be one of two men. Cassian Dempsey; the cocky, troublemaking bad boy from the wrong side of town. Elias Mercer; the ruthless, untouchable golden boy with a fortune to his name. Both are her brother's best friends. Both were never supposed to touch her. And when they find out the truth, neither is willing to let go. But the biggest scandal of all? The DNA test comes back with an impossible result... They're both the father. Now, caught between secrets, temptation, and two men who refuse to back down, Darcy is in deeper than she ever imagined. Because some betrayals can't be undone. And some men won't take no for an answer.

The last thing Miranda thought when she responded to a prison pen pal request was to find true love. Joel, well, he was only hoping to pass time and maybe if he was lucky, he'd find someone to have a little fun with after doing ten years of hard time in the state penitentiary for a crime he committed when he had just barely turned eighteen years old. He had been hardened by the things he'd seen and the experiences of imprisonment and no longer believed in lovey dovey fairy tales or happily ever after. So hardened in fact, that he knew women only led to one thing-trouble. Not even a good girl like Miranda would break him ever again. Not with her long dark hair, those hypnotizing amber-eyes, and definitely not those full lips that would look so good…nope, nope, nope. What neither one expected was to find the perfect balance of emotional and physical attraction. Can Miranda's persistence and commitment soften and heal Joel's untrusting heart or will Joel break Miranda in ways she has never experienced before? This is the first book of three in the Locked-Up Lovers series. Enjoy!

Sneak peek: "W-what are you doing?" I asked, my breathing getting heavier as his warm fingers inched towards my bikini bottom. "You called me a coward earlier, remember?" He asked, his other hand wrapped around my throat and lips torturingly brushing over mine "So let's see how much you can handle if I break the boundaries." "I haven't said anything wrong," I breathed out, the collision of the heat of our bodies made the wetness between my thighs build more "Oh really?" He hooked my legs around his waist leaving me surprised I opened my mouth to say something but before any sentence could leave my mouth, sliding past my bikini bottom his fingers were there on my bare clit and the next second they thrust inside the very tight hole of mine leaving me to scream. But everything went silent as he pressed his hot lips upon mine just as I had been wanting since the first day I had ever seen him. **** I always knew the things I felt for Jacob Adriano were wrong in so many ways. He was my dad's best friend, totally out of bounds but I couldn't stop wanting him. And once in the event of my dad's destination wedding, I came across him after years...I lost every one of the boundaries I had and surely I planned to make him lose his ones too. After all Jacob Adriano, the sinfully attractive Italian was not unaware of my obsession with him. But little did know that forbidden relationships always bring havoc and demolition.....

"Im going to kiss the next person that strolls through those dorrs." ....................... It was only meant to proove a point. A tactic to show her friends that she was not so uptight. But Jacquiline should have known; she should have expected dire consequences that came with kissing the incredible hot handsome stranger that walked into the caffe that morning.   The kiss created such an uproar on the internet that she was now being paraded as the billionaire's mystery girlfriend, the first woman Enzo Harnandez had publicly shown off.  Forced into a contract marriage in a bid to silence the media, Jacquline plans flee as soon as she acquires enough money for a fresh start and her fathers mdical bills.  What Jacqueline doesn't expect however are the feelings that begin to stir up in the process of this fake marriage. What happens when she learns that the devilishly handsome Enzo Hernandez is smarter and even more shrewd than she made him out to be.  .............. "Oh princess, I'm a tad disappointed that you thought you could fool me," I heard him say coldly as he cornered me. "I've known all about your plans from the beginning. Now… strip and touch the bed frame. I'm going to fuck some sense into you." 

I stared, I gulped, my heart skipped a beat, my stomach twisted and I can feel the butterflies, a linger and a cold chill ran and travelled through my vein, flowing through my blood like lava. The man before me was heavenly, I could barely look away. From the way his dark grey orbs stared back at me to the way his jet black hair fell spikingly on his shoulder, my whole body shuddered uncontrollably from the sensation growing in my system. My eyes trailed up to his sharp jawline, his straight pointed nose, his tick, long eyebrows and eyelashes to his sinful, tempting, luscious lips. Consciously, I ran a over my lips but the sound of my dad clearing his throat pulled me out from my trace as a slightly jerked, feeling electrified. "Tristan, I went you to meet my friend, Dr Sean" My dad introduced the sexy, demigod man with that sinful body of his. I quivered again. "Sean, meet my son Tristan" Dad introduced me but my eyes remained cemented on him and I could swore I saw a spark in those dark orbs but it was gone as soon as it came, making me doubt if I really saw it. I watched him run his over his reddish, luring lips while his ran down my body, making my inside burn with a sudden fire I had never felt before...and then, he spoke.... "Nice to meet you kitten" And from that moment no, I knew it was over for my heart. From that moment I knew I was in love with MY FATHER'S FRIEND!

“I hope you don’t loose those who truly value you because you can’t come down to hear them.” Those were the last words he told me before stomping out of the house, leaving me cold, empty and more lonely. ______ Cassandra Heathingways wasn’t your average girl. She was rude and picky, spiteful and proud. And she had every reason to be. She was the only heir to the Heathingways throne, and even though she lost a lot on the way, that was enough to keep her going. Not until her father broke the news of her marriage to the Hudson heir. Will the stuck up and proud bride be able to change her ways for the sake of the marriage?

For three years, Heidi served Lucas with all her heart, showering him with endless love and doing her best to be the perfect housewife. But on their third wedding anniversary, he slammed the divorce papers on her face. "Did you think I would never know that you married me because of money? Whatever Grandpa paid you, I will triple it. Just sign the divorce." To him, she was just a gold digger. Heidi's reality shattered, and everything made sense when she found out that his Ex had returned. For him, she endured hardships and humiliation. She not only gave him her heart, but also dropped her identity as the wealthiest heiress in Phoenix City. Realizing that all her efforts were futile… She will never be the hopelessly desperate housewife anymore. Lucas is soon to know that he "Shouldn't Mess Up with His Hidden Heiress Ex-wife." As layers upon layers of secrets get revealed, he'll be crawling on his knees, holding her leg and begging her to come back. No way! She has an empire to inherit.