Dark Funny Jokes Novels & Stories

“That he might come to claim the children and I would not have any say about it. I mean he said it over and over again until it started to hurt and it made me really think about it.” I was shocked by this but I didn’t know when I started to laugh about what he had said. I bawled out laughing while leaning back in my seat. This had to be the funniest thing I had heard of today. “What’s funny?” he asked with widened eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I apologized. “It’s what you said that is funny.” “I don’t understand how what I said is a joke.”

“Jesse, my man, which is why I’m encouraging you to talk some more! It doesn’t have to be about anything life changing. If you were me I’d say crack a joke but I don’t know if you even know any jokes.” “I know jokes.” His face lit up. “Oh yes? Tell me one then.” “Can you guess what the therapist said when I told my therapist I’m scared of dying alone? “Uh, no what?” “He said, “Most people don’t die with the company,” I said, chuckling. “Get it?” Rain looked at Matt. “Matt, am I supposed to laugh at that?” “Ideally someone is supposed to laugh when they tell a joke,” Matt said with a sigh. “Jesse, what have I told you about your morbid jokes?”

What the fuck? “Are you—” I started, then stopped. “Wait. Are you laughing right now? What’s so funny? Seriously, Damon. What the fuck is funny? Am I a joke to you? Do I look like a fucking clown standing here with cum still drying between my thighs while you laugh after taking a call from a literal psychopath who wants to commit pipe-related homicide?” He stopped laughing as he smiled. “Oh, kitten,” he said, reaching out and brushing his knuckles along my cheek like I hadn’t just gone nuclear with questions. “It’s nothing, okay? You don’t need to worry. It was just my friend’s wife.”

“I do not fall.” There was a pause. “No,” he said calmly. “You just look very funny while slipping.” The line went dead. I stood there for a long time. Then I began laughing again. Because if I did not laugh, I might start screaming. The televisions behind me kept talking. The city kept moving and for the first time in my life, I understood what it felt like to be the joke. But jokes can turn dark very quickly and I am very good at dark.

A message bubble lit up under his name, cheerful and oblivious. Just another one of his dry, stupid jokes—something about his dinner being so terrible he was convinced the restaurant was trying to assassinate him with undercooked chicken. He'd probably attached one of those ridiculous GIFs he was always finding, something animated and silly that was meant to make me laugh.

"You have no idea–I was just joking around, but those disgusting guys went crazy asking me for your contact." The old me would have already been crying, asking her how she could do this to me, voice breaking. Not this me. My teeth clenched so hard they hurt. My whole body trembled with anger. I snatched the flyer out of her hand and slapped her across the face. Tara screamed, clutching her cheek in disbelief. "You hit me? I treat you like my best friend, and you can't even take a joke anymore?" Best friend? I let out a cold laugh.

I hit my head with my palm "stupid, so fucking stupid!" Tears were rushing down my eyes in their torrents. "Are you ok babes?" Kevin rushed up to me with a worried look on her face. I was heaving like a mad woman. She engulfed me in a hug. "I know that he is your man but are you not feeling a little too strongly for his dad?" That was Kevin, always looking for ways to lighten up the mood. Dark humor she always said makes the world go round. But I couldn't even laugh at the joke at this moment since I realized that I was the joke myself. For believing in Darius again and putting my heart on the line.

The silence stretched out, thick and uncomfortable, until Frank tried to break it with that awkward little half-smile he got when he was desperate not to let things fall apart. "Well," he said, his tone light but forced, "at least we know why my uncle was such a jerk to me growing up. Guess he was just getting in practice for the whole ’blackmail a murderer’ phase." The joke landed like a damp towel, flat, a bit pathetic, yet somehow just what we needed. A small, broken laugh slipped out before I could stop it, followed by Rowan huffing out something that might have been a chuckle if it didn’t sound so painful.

Because he looked crazy funny and it seemed like he had no intention of stopping from laughing so I got up from my chair and punched him on the table to stop him. "Y-you're --- HAHAHHAHA" "What's funny?" I asked him annoyed. "You're actually ---- HAHAHHAHA" "Damn you! Get out of my office, now!" I shouted at him because I was so annoyed. "HAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry—HAHAHHA" Before I could be filled with him I dragged him out of my office. What did he think of what I said, a joke? To make him laugh so badly?

Life’s so unfair, man. “What does a spoon matter when we’re literally stuck in the middle of the woods with invisible monsters, shady, bad men and whatever else creeps around here? Can you please, for once, use your brain and kick some sense in the gear?” He whisper-hisses, so red in the face, he reminds me of a tomato. “You could join a casting for vegetable commercials looking like this,” I remark and laugh at the brilliant joke my brain just reacted. Shit, am I not the funniest guy out there? Look at me - sense of humor, looks, body and an impressive spoon collection, I have it all, damn it. No wonder my little vixen couldn’t deny me.