Best Dark Jokes Novels & Stories

Leesa had to give the guy credit. He didn’t seem to let the catcalls and groans bother him. He either had the thickest skin in the world, or he thought the derision was in some twisted way an approval of his act. His jokes were new, but were equally as dumb as the last time. She wondered if he wrote the stuff himself or got it from some website—stupidjokes.com, maybe.

The dark circles were concealed and I couldn't have asked for more. I opened my bedroom door and walked into the kitchen to find my two oh-so-flaming-hot bosses preparing breakfast. The smell of pancakes engulfed my senses making my stomach to rumble loud. Their heads turned and I did the most stupid thing in life. "That wasn't my stomach. It was probably a motorbike downstairs!" I thumbed in the window direction. They stared at me for a second before they looked at each other- then busted out laughing. Great! Just great! But wait, did I mention that Hardin's laughter was the best? Man that guy was going to be the death of me. I wasn't used to the bright and laughing Angry Bird. But when he

He made me laugh, a genuine, bubbling sound that felt good after the fear. “Your turn,” he challenged, when he finished. “Tell me a joke. Something to keep the darkness at bay.” I thought for a moment. “Okay, okay… What do you call a fake noodle?” He raised an eyebrow, a slight smile playing on his lips. “What?” “An impasta!” I delivered the punchline with a flourish, and he actually laughed, a deep, booming sound that warmed the room. “Alright, alright, that was a good one, for a rookie,” he teased. “My turn. Why did the scarecrow win an award?”

The man clamped his mouth shut as his eyes flashed defiantely. "Have it your way." Summer said with a shrug pressing the button again, but this time holding it down longer. On either side of her Reggie and Taylor laughed as they watched the man convulse and eventually wet himself. "Look at that Reg!" Taylor laughed pointing. "He pissed himself." "Hilarious." Reggie laughed wiping a tear from his eye. "I suggest you talk buddy, our boss can be ruthless." "Will you talk?" Summer asked. "Wouldn't it better to just go ahead and tell us rather than going through this?"

The cracks never opened so much in my soul and my gnawed heart never felt so much pressure than now. “I don't know why you start crying, be thankful that you're still breathing. “Maybe it's better to die. “You don't want to die, Luna. “She states with sarcasm. I don't answer him. He is an idiot, a fucking rapist and murderer. It is all that and other adjectives that define a macabre being. “Despite being inexperienced, I had a good time,” he says deliberately.

Meghan laughed and sent her a gleaming look of amusement from below her artfully darkened copper lashes. “Oh, darling, you’re being so boring… I know everything... I know this is all a masquerade orchestrated by Chris. How much is he paying you, little girl? If you’re good and walk out of here without making too much noise, I’ll double it! I’ll even help you get on the next plane to London.” “Like I just said, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lara replied, this time in a more determined tone, looking the red-head straight in her green eyes.

“That stupid man is not worthy!” “You were the one making him a judge!” “It is because of you that we had to!” “I think brothers and sisters we both agree on cutting that unworthy head!” “How dare you?!” “How dare you dare him?!!” I looked at Mr Darking and I saw him smirking, mocking the scene. “This bunch of fools,” he said “Do you know why on earth they are quarreling?” “Obviously I don’t. But I have the feeling it is quite a stupid reason.”

“Leonard, my guy, you talk sense… when you are drunk.” “Correction, my brother,” Jakes chimed in, his voice heavy but cheerful. “Leonard talks nonsense when he is sober, and sense when he is drunk.” He leaned back, laughing at his own joke, nearly tipping his chair over. Vivian gasped, tugging Adrian’s arm. “Did you hear him? Jakes! You almost fell!” “Almost doesn’t count,” Jakes replied, wagging his finger and chuckling. “Close is not enough.”

Darkous laughed, taking a long draw of his cigarette as he raised an eyebrow, seeming to control his increasing humour. “Don’t begrudge a man for his occupation, besides that shits fun.” His brother chuckled as he lit a Cuban cigar, taking an equally long draw. Darkous shook his head in amusement, unable to disagree with his brother as he spoke, his tone light and bubbly. “I have to be honest brother, that shit is fun.”

The room went dead quiet when I said I would take the prize, but that quiet did not last. A second later, laughter thundered through the air. Lily Smith was the loudest, doubling over with tears streaming from her eyes. "How else could she be the top seller?" she cackled. "A woman like her has to have skin as thick as a rhino." I ignored her snide comments and kept my cool. "Just to be clear," I said, "since the company so generously 'rewarded' me with bathroom duty, that's all I'll be doing for the next three days. Everything else is off my plate."