Dark Humor Dad Jokes

I stared, I gulped, my heart skipped a beat, my stomach twisted and I can feel the butterflies, a linger and a cold chill ran and travelled through my vein, flowing through my blood like lava. The man before me was heavenly, I could barely look away. From the way his dark grey orbs stared back at me to the way his jet black hair fell spikingly on his shoulder, my whole body shuddered uncontrollably from the sensation growing in my system. My eyes trailed up to his sharp jawline, his straight pointed nose, his tick, long eyebrows and eyelashes to his sinful, tempting, luscious lips. Consciously, I ran a over my lips but the sound of my dad clearing his throat pulled me out from my trace as a slightly jerked, feeling electrified. "Tristan, I went you to meet my friend, Dr Sean" My dad introduced the sexy, demigod man with that sinful body of his. I quivered again. "Sean, meet my son Tristan" Dad introduced me but my eyes remained cemented on him and I could swore I saw a spark in those dark orbs but it was gone as soon as it came, making me doubt if I really saw it. I watched him run his over his reddish, luring lips while his ran down my body, making my inside burn with a sudden fire I had never felt before...and then, he spoke.... "Nice to meet you kitten" And from that moment no, I knew it was over for my heart. From that moment I knew I was in love with MY FATHER'S FRIEND!

~Mature content ~strong language and sex scenes ~girlxgirl book ~~~~~~~~~ Love. Love is a powerful magnetic pull that pulls to opposites together. Love can be forbidden and destructive. But for Ashley and her stepmother Angelina Love is a forbidden obstacle course.

Three years ago, Adeline Wright tossed a stack of money at her boyfriend, Christian Shaw, broke up with him, and flew home to submit to an arranged marriage. Now, three years have passed, and Christian flies back to the country as well, right on the cusp of Adeline's wedding. The once-impoverished man turns out to be the heir to one of the most prominent families around—and is also a good friend of Adeline's fiance, Stanley Cooper. She dumped him, and he lied to her. That makes them even, right? Believing that to be true, Adeline is keen to keep her distance from Christian, who feels like a ticking bomb. Alas, step by step, Christian locks onto her, mocking her when he witnesses the way Stanley hurts her. The two pretend to be barely more than strangers in public while secretly engaging in a clash of wits behind everyone's back. The only person who knows the truth about their relationship asks Christian, "Do you seriously hate her that much?" Christian doesn't answer. Eventually, Adeline calls off the engagement, flies off to a foreign country, and becomes a war correspondent. Amid the gunfire, Christian appears once more. As the stray bullets whiz through the air, he shields Adeline beneath him, his eyes bloodshot. "Even if you're gonna die, Adeline, you're gonna have to die with me."

Lily lives in a refugee camp with her mother and father. One day, her father is approached by some men offering him work. He takes up the offer in the hope to provide for his family, but Lily never sees him again. Soon later, her mother is shot dead escaping some rapists in the woods. With both of her parents gone, Lily is left to fend for herself, dragged into the heartbreaking, brutal world of human trafficking, when she comes across a man named Lazarus Landucci.

Mariana, a sweet bookshop owner in busy Mexico City, catches the eye of Amir, a dangerous mobster. Amir follows her everywhere, stirring up emotions that push her to the edge. In her simple life, Mariana becomes Amir's obsession. His strong feelings haunt her as he watches her every move from the shadows. Amir’s surprise visits awaken a powerful attraction, pulling her deeper into his world. Caught in a web of passion and danger, Mariana must face a man whose desires threaten to change her life forever.

On a research trip gone wrong, Assistant Professor Patrina Warden is tricked and trafficked into dark elf territory. In their realm, humans are seen as exotic beings to be seduced, tamed, and bound. Nyxios, the charismatic and cunning Scion of House Keltos, uses allure and shadow magic to seduce Patrina into becoming his companion. As they play a game of power, humiliation, and submission, Patrina finds herself torn between her growing fascination for Nyxios and her fierce desire for independence. Will Patrina escape the seductive grip of the dark elf, or will she succumb to the intoxicating blend of love and dominance? [This closed-door romance is book one of a stand-alone two book duology. The second book will be called Midnight Crown. +The books may be read in either order].

In my past life, I was trafficked and gave birth to a son. When Noah Barrett turns six, I plan to take him and escape from the mountains. On my first attempt, I map out the route in advance and prepare to flee with him. But in the morning, my mother-in-law, Ruth Whitaker, blocks me at the door. She ties me up and locks me inside the shed. Then, she starves me for three days. On my second try, I secretly buy sleeping pills from an unlicensed village doctor and slip them into dinner. At the table, Ruth flips the table without hesitation and beats me until I am half dead. The third time, I take advantage of a village meeting and escape with Noah again. We hide in a concealed mountain cave. Neither of us makes a sound, yet Ruth finds us with ease. I am dragged back and locked away in the pigpen. Ruth takes a shovel and strikes me with it again and again. "You filthy bitch. You dare run off with my precious grandson!" Her eyes are bloodshot. With the final blow, she uses all her strength and smashes the shovel into my head. I collapse to the ground. My consciousness fades. My blood drains away, and I die. When I open my eyes again, I am back on the day I plan to escape the mountains with Noah. Suddenly, I can hear Noah's thoughts, his voice clear and dripping with viciousness. "Mom can't be allowed to run. Grandma says Mom is our family's slave. She's supposed to serve us for her whole life."

Sneak peek: "W-what are you doing?" I asked, my breathing getting heavier as his warm fingers inched towards my bikini bottom. "You called me a coward earlier, remember?" He asked, his other hand wrapped around my throat and lips torturingly brushing over mine "So let's see how much you can handle if I break the boundaries." "I haven't said anything wrong," I breathed out, the collision of the heat of our bodies made the wetness between my thighs build more "Oh really?" He hooked my legs around his waist leaving me surprised I opened my mouth to say something but before any sentence could leave my mouth, sliding past my bikini bottom his fingers were there on my bare clit and the next second they thrust inside the very tight hole of mine leaving me to scream. But everything went silent as he pressed his hot lips upon mine just as I had been wanting since the first day I had ever seen him. **** I always knew the things I felt for Jacob Adriano were wrong in so many ways. He was my dad's best friend, totally out of bounds but I couldn't stop wanting him. And once in the event of my dad's destination wedding, I came across him after years...I lost every one of the boundaries I had and surely I planned to make him lose his ones too. After all Jacob Adriano, the sinfully attractive Italian was not unaware of my obsession with him. But little did know that forbidden relationships always bring havoc and demolition.....

My younger sister, Angela Schrute, got married at 20. By 21, she already had a child. I'm Elizabeth Schrute, 27 years old, and still unmarried. Over the years, I've brought home a few boyfriends. But every time the subject of marriage comes up, my father, Michael Scrute, will take them into his study. I don't know what he said to them. But whenever they come out of that room, they will turn cold and frightening. It's like their hands are itching to wrap around my throat and squeeze the life out of me. My latest boyfriend thinks Dad is being unreasonable… until he follows him into the study. When he emerges, his eyes burn with rage. He breaks up with me on the spot and slaps me. Twice. I still can't figure it out. What is it that drives each of them away? And what secret is hiding in Dad's study?

"I am a monster, Miss Hart. You wouldn't want nor wish to see me..." He is mysterious and brilliant, wealthy and prominent, but no single soul has seen him in person. Well, no one should see him—that's one of his many rules. No one can touch him either; that's another rule. Except for me because I have broken every rule. Now I'm extremely drawn to him. His peculiarity is out of this world, and his beauty is beyond physical. But the Master has demons of his own and is being chased by his brutal past. Suddenly, we've become the reflection of each other's nightmares. I realize that the Master and I are not so different. Is this newly found bond just another uncertain fate that could deepen our wounds, or is it finally going to be our redemption?