Dark Humor Dad Jokes

Three years ago, Adeline Wright tossed a stack of money at her boyfriend, Christian Shaw, broke up with him, and flew home to submit to an arranged marriage. Now, three years have passed, and Christian flies back to the country as well, right on the cusp of Adeline's wedding. The once-impoverished man turns out to be the heir to one of the most prominent families around—and is also a good friend of Adeline's fiance, Stanley Cooper. She dumped him, and he lied to her. That makes them even, right? Believing that to be true, Adeline is keen to keep her distance from Christian, who feels like a ticking bomb. Alas, step by step, Christian locks onto her, mocking her when he witnesses the way Stanley hurts her. The two pretend to be barely more than strangers in public while secretly engaging in a clash of wits behind everyone's back. The only person who knows the truth about their relationship asks Christian, "Do you seriously hate her that much?" Christian doesn't answer. Eventually, Adeline calls off the engagement, flies off to a foreign country, and becomes a war correspondent. Amid the gunfire, Christian appears once more. As the stray bullets whiz through the air, he shields Adeline beneath him, his eyes bloodshot. "Even if you're gonna die, Adeline, you're gonna have to die with me."

~Mature content ~strong language and sex scenes ~girlxgirl book ~~~~~~~~~ Love. Love is a powerful magnetic pull that pulls to opposites together. Love can be forbidden and destructive. But for Ashley and her stepmother Angelina Love is a forbidden obstacle course.

Mariana, a sweet bookshop owner in busy Mexico City, catches the eye of Amir, a dangerous mobster. Amir follows her everywhere, stirring up emotions that push her to the edge. In her simple life, Mariana becomes Amir's obsession. His strong feelings haunt her as he watches her every move from the shadows. Amir’s surprise visits awaken a powerful attraction, pulling her deeper into his world. Caught in a web of passion and danger, Mariana must face a man whose desires threaten to change her life forever.

"I am a monster, Miss Hart. You wouldn't want nor wish to see me..." He is mysterious and brilliant, wealthy and prominent, but no single soul has seen him in person. Well, no one should see him—that's one of his many rules. No one can touch him either; that's another rule. Except for me because I have broken every rule. Now I'm extremely drawn to him. His peculiarity is out of this world, and his beauty is beyond physical. But the Master has demons of his own and is being chased by his brutal past. Suddenly, we've become the reflection of each other's nightmares. I realize that the Master and I are not so different. Is this newly found bond just another uncertain fate that could deepen our wounds, or is it finally going to be our redemption?

On a research trip gone wrong, Assistant Professor Patrina Warden is tricked and trafficked into dark elf territory. In their realm, humans are seen as exotic beings to be seduced, tamed, and bound. Nyxios, the charismatic and cunning Scion of House Keltos, uses allure and shadow magic to seduce Patrina into becoming his companion. As they play a game of power, humiliation, and submission, Patrina finds herself torn between her growing fascination for Nyxios and her fierce desire for independence. Will Patrina escape the seductive grip of the dark elf, or will she succumb to the intoxicating blend of love and dominance? [This closed-door romance is book one of a stand-alone two book duology. The second book will be called Midnight Crown. +The books may be read in either order].

My younger sister, Angela Schrute, got married at 20. By 21, she already had a child. I'm Elizabeth Schrute, 27 years old, and still unmarried. Over the years, I've brought home a few boyfriends. But every time the subject of marriage comes up, my father, Michael Scrute, will take them into his study. I don't know what he said to them. But whenever they come out of that room, they will turn cold and frightening. It's like their hands are itching to wrap around my throat and squeeze the life out of me. My latest boyfriend thinks Dad is being unreasonable… until he follows him into the study. When he emerges, his eyes burn with rage. He breaks up with me on the spot and slaps me. Twice. I still can't figure it out. What is it that drives each of them away? And what secret is hiding in Dad's study?

In my past life, I was trafficked and gave birth to a son. When Noah Barrett turns six, I plan to take him and escape from the mountains. On my first attempt, I map out the route in advance and prepare to flee with him. But in the morning, my mother-in-law, Ruth Whitaker, blocks me at the door. She ties me up and locks me inside the shed. Then, she starves me for three days. On my second try, I secretly buy sleeping pills from an unlicensed village doctor and slip them into dinner. At the table, Ruth flips the table without hesitation and beats me until I am half dead. The third time, I take advantage of a village meeting and escape with Noah again. We hide in a concealed mountain cave. Neither of us makes a sound, yet Ruth finds us with ease. I am dragged back and locked away in the pigpen. Ruth takes a shovel and strikes me with it again and again. "You filthy bitch. You dare run off with my precious grandson!" Her eyes are bloodshot. With the final blow, she uses all her strength and smashes the shovel into my head. I collapse to the ground. My consciousness fades. My blood drains away, and I die. When I open my eyes again, I am back on the day I plan to escape the mountains with Noah. Suddenly, I can hear Noah's thoughts, his voice clear and dripping with viciousness. "Mom can't be allowed to run. Grandma says Mom is our family's slave. She's supposed to serve us for her whole life."

Sneak peek: "W-what are you doing?" I asked, my breathing getting heavier as his warm fingers inched towards my bikini bottom. "You called me a coward earlier, remember?" He asked, his other hand wrapped around my throat and lips torturingly brushing over mine "So let's see how much you can handle if I break the boundaries." "I haven't said anything wrong," I breathed out, the collision of the heat of our bodies made the wetness between my thighs build more "Oh really?" He hooked my legs around his waist leaving me surprised I opened my mouth to say something but before any sentence could leave my mouth, sliding past my bikini bottom his fingers were there on my bare clit and the next second they thrust inside the very tight hole of mine leaving me to scream. But everything went silent as he pressed his hot lips upon mine just as I had been wanting since the first day I had ever seen him. **** I always knew the things I felt for Jacob Adriano were wrong in so many ways. He was my dad's best friend, totally out of bounds but I couldn't stop wanting him. And once in the event of my dad's destination wedding, I came across him after years...I lost every one of the boundaries I had and surely I planned to make him lose his ones too. After all Jacob Adriano, the sinfully attractive Italian was not unaware of my obsession with him. But little did know that forbidden relationships always bring havoc and demolition.....

Velia Argento has lived a sheltered life, fiercely protected by her older brother, Hardin. But when she unknowingly saves the life of Xavier De Santos—Venom, the Alpha and head of the notorious MC The Reapers—her quiet world shatters. Ruthless, powerful, and driven by vengeance, Venom warns her: "You should have let me die." Now, he won’t stop until he owns her, body and soul. Venom is a shifter forged in blood and betrayal, haunted by the brutal murder of his family. He has spent years hunting those responsible, and Dr. Antonio Argento is the key to unlocking his past. When he discovers Velia’s connection to the doctor, she becomes more than a distraction—she becomes his obsession. Trapped in his dangerous world, Velia is forced into servitude, her every move dictated by his unyielding commands. But as she fights to escape his grasp, Venom finds himself drawn to her innocence, her defiance, and the fire in her eyes. He wants to break her—but what happens when the fragile kitten begins to claw back? With enemies closing in, secrets unraveling, and a war brewing among the most powerful mafia clans, Velia and Venom are caught in a deadly game of power, control, and undeniable attraction. She was supposed to be his prisoner. Now, she might be his only salvation. 🔥 **Possessive Anti-Hero** 💀 **Dark Mafia Romance** 🔥 **Obsession & Revenge** 💀 **Spicy & Emotional**

Lily: I'm a nanny for the sexiest man alive. For years I've kept my crush a secret, even through our surrogate pregnancy, but now it’s reached a fever. I've seen how Wyatt looks at me. Undeniable tension. Spent restless nights in bed, dreaming about that hard body of his. Wondering if he ever wonders what I’d do to him. For him. Every day I see a strong, loving father to a young girl who needs a mother. I see a gorgeous, damaged man who needs me. And I'm so ready. Ready to be his wife. Ready to be a stepmom. Most of all, ready for a baby of my own. ***** Wyatt: All I ever wanted was to be a father. But raising a baby alone wasn't part of the plan. So when the woman who carried my little girl into this world comes back into my life, of course I take the help. But the longer I'm around her, the more I notice how much she has changed. She's all woman now. A body begging for my touch. Those curves are driving me wild, and I find that I need her as much as my daughter does. Falling in love with my nanny means risking losing everything all over again, but I'm willing to do it if she can give me what I've always desired. A family.