Dirty Jokes For Him

Evelyn Larson's nephew, Maxwell Larson, has been staying at my home for 12 years. On top of sponsoring everything he has in life, I even view him as my own son. Heck, I'm the one who paid the down payment for Maxwell's new family home. But on the night we're having a holiday dinner, he throws me a list in front of everyone. "Uncle Lawrence, I've already hashed out the details with my fiancee's family. We'll be giving her family 700 thousand dollars as a wedding gift. You've raised me for so many years, so you need to prepare this amount for me." I frown instantly. "Didn't I just settle your down payment for you? Besides, Tiffany's about to get married soon. I need to save some money for her own wedding gift." But Maxwell instantly smashes a plate out of anger. "Since she's marrying into another family, that means she's no longer a part of this family! Are you saying that you're willing to give your money to an outsider rather than your own nephew? "If you refuse to agree to my terms, I'll make Aunt Evelyn divorce you right now!" I turn to look at Evelyn out of instinct, only to see her pulling out a gift agreement that she has already drafted. "We don't need to prepare any wedding gifts for Tiffany, seeing as she's the one marrying into another family. Max, on the other hand, is the only son of the Larson family. You should give your money to him instead."

On the day of my wedding with Hannah Hawkes, her first love, Lucas Tate, sends his critical notice to her. He mentions that he wants to wear a wedding tuxedo one last time at a wedding before his death. In order to fulfill Lucas' wish, Hannah locks me up in a lounge and gets ready to attend the wedding with him. Her impatient voice echoes outside the door. "Why are you so cold-blooded? Lucas is about to die, you know! What's the harm in letting him have his way?" Some time after that, Freya Jensen, the young woman who lives next door, gets up to the rooftop and begs me to marry her. With red-rimmed eyes, Hannah asks pleadingly, "Are you going to give up on our seven-year relationship because of her?" I merely slap her hand away. "Am I supposed to watch Freya die? It's just a marriage registration. Stop being cold-blooded, will you?"

My girlfriend's schoolmate is being hounded by creditors. In my past life, the same incident had unfolded before my eyes. I was worried that my girlfriend would provoke these ruthless creditors, so I'd advised her not to meddle. However, her schoolmate later overdosed on sleeping pills. Later on, my girlfriend acted as if nothing had happened and continued preparing for our wedding. But after she got drunk one day, I found her caressing his picture tenderly—before stabbing me in the heart with a knife. She claimed that if not for my indifference and selfishness, her schoolmate wouldn't have taken his own life. Now that I've been reborn, I'll grant her wish and let her help him pay off his debts. Presently, I say, "He's your schoolmate. If you can help him, go ahead. I won't object."

Everyone in our social circle knew that my fiancée, Hazel Mullins, had a skin hunger condition toward me. Only touching me brought her excitement and satisfaction. But the self-proclaimed heartthrob and heir to the Newman family refused to believe it. He boldly declared that he would win her over within a month. After bombarding her with seductive photos for an entire month, Hazel finally reached her breaking point and auctioned them off. With his reputation ruined, Rory Newman was disowned by his family. In a fit of rage, he jumped off a bridge in an apparent suicide attempt. Hazel lost her mind and leaped after him. I became the biggest laughingstock in the circle. That was until I went skiing in the Alps and accidentally bumped into Hazel helping Rory select ski gear. She explained with a composed expression, "Rory's dealing with some serious emotional trauma. The doctor suggested more outdoor activities. Just please, don't throw another tantrum." I felt bewildered. I wasn't even involved with them anymore. Why would I get upset? Then it hit me that she was unaware of one fact. I had already married someone else on the same day she jumped into the water after Rory in that dramatic display of devotion. I was simply there for my honeymoon, with a bit of skiing on the side.

“Ella is only a housekeeper, that is not my mother!” I heard the contemptuous words coming from the mouth of the child I had loved and cared for like my own for ten whole years. My husband did not love me, and his two children only regarded me as someone who served them. Until the moment I opened my eyes once again and was reborn at the age of twenty-two. And once again, the Oliver family forced me into a political marriage with Leo Dominic. “I agree, but only if I receive five million dollars.” I realized one thing: in this world, the most reliable thing is only money. When I met Leo Dominic, I received the marriage contract exactly as I wished. As long as I remained his wife for three years, I would receive freedom and one billion dollars! But suddenly, when I divorced and lived a carefree life, enjoying luxury, those people began trailing behind me and asking for love. “I’m sorry, Mom, I want you to come back home!” The children cried until they developed fevers and fainted, and the ruthless billionaire who had never once looked at his contract wife stood outside the million-dollar villa I had just moved into with my best friend all night. What should I do now, when I am clearly living a new life after divorce and happily spending money?

I hated my husband most in the moment he died for me, swallowed by the flames. Right before he took his last breath, he tore our marriage certificate in half, his eyes burning red. "If there's another life," he said, "I'd rather we never met." My whole body went rigid. Only then did I understand—he blamed me. Ten years ago, his childhood sweetheart and her family had been exiled. She had begged him for help. But that day, he'd gone with me on a trip and missed the chance to save her. And for ten long years, he held that grudge against me. After my husband's death, the world turned on me. Even my in-laws, who had always cared for me, looked at me with pure disgust. "If not for you, Russ wouldn't be dead. We wish you'd never been born!" I couldn't bear it anymore. I ended my life. I never expected that when I opened my eyes again, I would be back on the day Russ Williams came to propose. This time, I would do exactly as he wished. I would give everyone what they wanted.

This is a story about a girl who wakes up being beaten by a person she didn't know. But then she realized something when there was a blurred memory popping in her head. She remembers her body was used to being beaten by the girl who is whipping her right now, and that girl is her sister. She used to call her a princess without power, and the whole town used to bully her. Until one day, everything changed when a guy suddenly showed up and helped her escape from those bastards who were trying to pick a fight with her. But the thing is, she didn't know she existed to be bound with that guy. A guy who's full of fury, violent in his passion, an arrogant guy that she dispised the most and, at the same time, a gentleman that she needed the most right now. What do you think will happen? Would she fall in love with the guy she despised? Well, the answer is "I won't fall for your stupid arrangement! I won"t come to you, i reject yo---- But again, it looks like fate has another plan...

Sebastian Pena hates me for a whole decade after his true love's death. I try to please him at every turn, but he merely scoffs. "If you really want to make me happy, you should go to hell." That hits hard. However, when a truck hurtles toward me, Sebastian throws himself at me. He saves me, but he dies in a pool of his blood. Before he breathes his last breath, he looks into my eyes and says, "If only… I'd never met you…" His mother is devastated at his funeral. "I should've given Sebastian and Gillian my blessings. I should never have forced him to marry you!" His father resents me. "Sebastian saved you three times—he was a good person. Why weren't you the one who died?" Everyone regrets having Sebastian marry me, myself included. I'm kicked out of the funeral. Three years later, someone invents a time machine, and I travel back in time. This time, I'm going to sever all ties with Sebastian. Everyone will get the happiness they deserve.

Buried deep in the Aster estate was the Heartwood—ancient, sacred, mine. Told my husband, Julian Aster—back when he actually listened—that if it ever fell, I'd die with it. At first, he freaked out. Flew in glacier water, hired a whole squad of plant experts to nurture it 24/7. Then one day, just because his childhood friend—Isabella Duvall—got a scratch from the bark, Julian had the Heartwood ripped out. The second it crashed, I choked on glowing blood—ichor. My power? Gone. Barely standing, I grabbed his arm. "You knew. If the Heartwood dies, I—" He laughed. Straight-up mocked me. "Sera, come on. That fairy tale? Only Grandma still believes that crap. Is that mayo on your mouth? Relax—it's a tree. I'll buy you a forest if you want." Overnight, my hair turned gray. Skin cracked. Eyes dulled. Still, I dragged myself to his grandmother, Henrietta. "I kept your family safe for two hundred years. That's why the Asters thrived. But the Heartwood's gone. Debt's paid. One day left. Whatever happens next? Not my problem."

This is a seductive book with a lot of mixed up, wild and taboo smut stories. All stories here are a product of my imagination.