Dumb Jokes That Are Funny

“Omega, in about an hour, you’ll feel warm, dizzy, and overcome with hormones in your body.” I paled. “What happens after it takes effect?” “Then an alpha in the surrounding area will react to your scent.” After an hour, the nurse popped her head in. She had a strange look in her eyes and I didn’t like it. “So he is out there?” The nurse’s smile fell, “No, not one.” My eyes widened. “two?” “No, you have four mates.” I shook my head. “No, that’s not possible!” She sighed and opened her phone. “Your mates are as follows; Colby Mcgrath, Rain Kim, Matthew Clark, and Jade Johnson.” When she said the first name I started to feel faint but then the nurse kept rattling off all the names of my tormenters for years. How could I be tied to all of my brother’s friends? My panties got wet, I refused to accept that this was a hormonal reaction.

Can Ilongga beauty tame the dragon? Paano nga ba kung nakahanap ng katapat ang certified black sheep ng pamilya sa katauhan ng isang estranghera? Dahil sa isang malaking pustahan ng magbabarkada. Ycon, the deadliest CEO and the black sheep of the family ay aksidenteng nainlove sa isang titibo-tibong Ilongga. He was a certified womanizer in town. Katwiran ay pagdating ng panahon ipapakasal naman siya ng kanyang lolo sa babaeng hindi niya naman gusto pero nagmula sa maharlikang pamilya. Why not sulitin niya muna ang pagiging buhay binata, sayang ang genes kapag hindi natikman ng ibang chicks hindi ba? Hannah Maricor Evina Zaavedra, na taglay ang totoong tagline na basta "Ilongga Gwapa" The adopted daughter of The Zaavedra family in Iloilo. The cow girl, happy go lucky, always positive in life, maawain at mapagmahal kanino man. Paano kung magkrus ang landas ng dalawa at ang mga pinaniniwalaan ng bawat isa ay hindi magkatugma? Away-bati, aso't pusa, kulog at kidlat, araw at ulan, init at lamig ganito parati ang dalawa hanggang ang isa sa kanila ay nahulog na nga. Ngunit ang unti-unting nararamdamang ay mukhang magiging forever secret nalang sapagkat nagkaroon ng lamat ang angkan ng mga Lee at Zaavedra, dahil sa kinasangkutang eskandalo na ang pasimuno ay ang mismong ate ni Ycon at ang pinsan ni Hannah. At tila yata at inaayunan ng tadhana dahil makalipas ang walong taon ay mauungkat muli ang nakaraan sa aksidenteng pagtatagpo ng landas ng dalawa sa isang sikat na isla ng Boracay sa Aklan, at sa wakas nagkaroon nga ng pagkakataon na maisakatuparan ang dati nang plano na paghigantihan ang dalaga. "What happens in Boracay stays in Boracay." But that planned night na sa huli ay kanyang pagsisisihan dahil sa mga sikretong malalaman. Magkaka-forever pa kaya ang dalawa? Hay ang gulo-gulo na talaga!

My sister and I slept for a thousand years. Tonight, we would Awaken. We would become true High-Bloods. Our Sire, Countess Lylandra, brought us two men. We had to choose a Blood Thrall. A cold, celibate priest. A young, harmless noble prince. In my past life, Lilith grabbed the prince by the neck and vanished into the shadows. She left me with the cold-hearted priest. The prince's blood was sweet, his soul pure. He was supposed to be the perfect sacrifice for the Awakening ritual. Lilith should have become a High-Blood without any trouble. But she fell for the prince's sweet words and gentle lies. She poured her ancient power into him. She forged a false blood bond to help him seize the throne. On his coronation day, he plunged a dagger dipped in blessed silver into her heart. With his own hands, he carved out her new Blood Core. He offered it to his werewolf allies. Lilith nearly turned to dust. And me? The priest helped me purify my blood. I broke the vampire curse. I no longer feared the sun or blessed silver. I became the legendary Daywalker Queen. Jealousy drove her mad. She used her last drop of power to unleash a kin-curse. It killed us both. Then I opened my eyes. I was back. Back to the night we chose our Blood Thralls. This time, Lilith chose differently. She wrapped herself around the priest, a vision of seduction. Her blood-red wings spread, ready to carry him away. My fangs slid from my gums. A choice? Why should I have to choose? The priest and the prince... Both are mine for the taking.

Ava Robertson is bullied, ignored, and treated like trash. So she’s never expected much from life until her dad dies and she’s forced to move into the pack house… with the three Alphas who’ve made her life miserable, and their clingy, jealous girlfriends. But then the Rose Moon Ball turns everything around. She’s not just the punching bag anymore. She’s their mate. Zade, Roman, and Axel are the dangerously hot Alpha triplets who are all tied to the same cursed Omega. They hate it. But that doesn’t stop them from wanting her, touching her, and fighting to be the first to claim her. Now Ava’s caught between enemies, a bond she never asked for, and a heat that just won’t back off. But one thing’s for sure: she’s not going down without making all three of them crawl.

FOUR MATED WEREWOLVES! In a werewolf world, it is a very special moment to know your mate. But what if you are mated with three other wolves? Juan, the alpha of the pack, knew that he was mated to Hadeth. But not long enough, they found out that they were mated with Myrtle and Amber, who were the members of their pack. With a whirlwind of emotions, they will know each other's secrets. Can the four accept each other as mates? Will their polyamorous relationship bring prosperity to the pack or bring destruction?

On my birthday, the dining table was loaded with all my favorites. My mom had been cooking and baking the entire afternoon, insisting everything be perfect for when Mike got home from work so we could celebrate together. But then, he called and said his first love had been drugged at a bar, and he had to go help her. I stopped him and begged him not to go. Mike snapped at me. "Jesus, Em, don’t pull this jealous wife crap. She’s alone, defenseless, and unconscious—I can't let some random dude take advantage of her!" My mother heard those words and was so enraged that she had a heart attack. She died on the spot. Just like that, my mom died on my birthday. I called Mike, asking him to attend my mom's funeral. But before he could reply, I saw Cathy Miller's latest Instagram post, captioned: [Mikey… after all these years, it was always you.] Mike had liked it. My thumb moved before my brain caught up, typing out the only words that mattered: [A homewrecker and a lying bastard. Hope you rot together.]

Maxello was her best friend, the one she loved in silence for years Rolex was his twin. Darker and deadly tempting. One bet changed everything. Now Mia must choose between the brother she’s always wanted… and the one she can’t resist.

During the mandatory freshman orientation camp, my skin had flared up with a severe allergic reaction, so I didn't use the plastic washbasin the school handed out. Instead, I opened my suitcase and took out the custom silver basin I had brought from home. My roommate, Louisa Carter, immediately made a snide remark, drawling, "You're really something, huh? Kids from broke families like us are lucky to have any basin at all." I didn't bother responding. I simply pulled out my facial essence to do a cold compress, but she immediately rushed over, slapped the bottle out of my hand, and jabbed a finger at my face. "Bet you get tens of thousands a month for living expenses. You have a sugar daddy, don't you? Don't you feel guilty making your folks work their fingers to the bone back on the farm? People like you don't deserve to be at our school. I'm reporting you to the student counselor." I laughed in disbelief and slapped her. … The next morning, the family photo I'd left on my desk had been slashed to ribbons. Across the back, carved in ink, were the words: 'Daughter of a homewrecker. Go to hell.' I went straight to the police. While officers pulled the dorm security footage, our student counselor and the university president rushed in. The moment the president saw the man whose face had been cut apart in my photo, his legs nearly buckled. He almost dropped to his knees.

On New Year's Eve, I prepare a feast. The clock strikes twelve, but my husband, Vincent Porter, still isn't home. My daughter, Lorelei Porter, tugs at my sleeve and holds up my phone. "Look Mommy, Daddy is at this lady's house!" Vincent has posted an update on Twitter. He is with Christine Snow, his childhood sweetheart. They are smiling at the camera, with a boy who looks about ten standing between them. In front of them sits a swan-shaped cake. The caption reads, "The most special day for the most special you." My heart sinks into my stomach. A marriage that came later in life can never compete with a pair of childhood sweethearts. I accept defeat.

After being reborn, the first thing I did was forge a medical report diagnosing chronic kidney disease. In my previous life, my nephew had been diagnosed with kidney failure, and he needed a transplant to survive. I rushed to get a matching test and donated one of my kidneys to him. But over time, my health deteriorated. At twenty, my body felt like it belonged to someone eighty. Even simple chores like sweeping the floor left me exhausted. I couldn't go out to work or earn a living, yet my brother and sister-in-law scolded me for "pretending to be sick." "It's just a kidney." my sister-in-law snapped. "Do you expect to leech off our family forever?" She even went so far as to buy a pair of fresh pig kidneys and smash them in my face. "Since we took one of yours, here's a new pair. Happy now?" Because I had lost a kidney, I died before the age of thirty, alone in a rented apartment. The next time I opened my eyes, I was back—before my nephew's diagnosis even came in.