Dumb Jokes That Are Funny Novels & Stories

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

“I killed his secret lover.” “Does he know?” “Yes, but he pretends not to know it in front of me.” A gun shot sounded outside the mansion and Alvah didn't bother to check. “What is going on?” Alvah chuckled, a smile spread across her face, “My husband. He's here to kill me.”

I sponsored Emily Fagan from an underprivileged background just to help her get through school. She was good-looking but wasn't exactly the brightest. Despite my warning not to tamper with my things, she slipped stimulants into my water bottle. Thanks to her, I was accused of cheating in the swimming competition. Our team's score was nullified. As for me, I was banned from competing for life and kicked out of college. When I confronted her, she cried pitifully, "Julie, I just wanted you to win. I didn't know that'd happen." My boyfriend, Elijah Strauss, held her and comforted her. He even snapped at me, claiming, "Em had good intentions. Why are you giving her a hard time?" Crushed, I shut myself in at home. Feeling sorry, she and Elijah visited me and brought along some vodka as an apology. After I took ten shots, I asked her to buy some over-the-counter pain relievers for my splitting headache. Little did I know that she'd make me take a dangerous dose of Ibuprofen mixed with alcohol. The bleeding in my stomach was what killed me. Emily looked pitifully remorseful at the hospital. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't even tell what I shouldn't have given her…" During the police interrogation, my boyfriend gave false testimony to protect her. He accused me of taking my own life by mixing Ibuprofen and alcohol because I couldn't handle the mental stress from cheating in the competition. When I reopened my eyes, I found out that I was transported to the day before the competition.

"Hey mister, can I ask you for a favor?" A lady asked with her sweet and intoxicating voice, causing the man who was walking, to turn around and stare at the young lady. "Can you be my boyfriend for just one month, and I promise to pay you handsomely." Cecelia said smiling. **** Cecelia is an upcoming actress. Her parents had threatened to choose a suitor for her if she didn't hasten her steps and find one for herself... Edward is a founder of Charles diamond company who agreed to be Cecelia's fake boyfriend for a month not because he feels like, but because his parents were also planning on looking for a lady for him. Edward has had a traumatic experience during his childhood, which causes him to shut his mouth, as he goes through different attacks, unaware that it would lead to him being unable to talk. When their plans start to unravel will Cecelia fall in with her parents' plans? When feelings get involved will things still work out as they planned?

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

After regaining my hearing, I happily march over to the room of my arch-rival, eager to flaunt in front of him—only to hear him moaning my name as he does what all guys do for pleasure.

"She is a fool. It was as easy as fucking." Lucien smirked and my heart started to pound heavily against my chest, especially when he began advancing towards me with murderous intent. What was going on? What did they mean by their words? "L-Lucien, why is she h-here?" I choked as he reached forward to grab me by the neck. Malia laughed as I struggled to breathe, my airways being blocked as Lucien tightened his grip on my neck. He raised me up over the cliff and I was dangling in the air, a feeling of dread going through me as I could see my death. I kicked and clawed at his hand, trying to get him to let me go when he flung me against the nearest tree hard. I coughed blood as I crashed into the tree heavily, my body hurting as I collapsed to the floor. I tried to talk but my mouth felt too heavy, my eyes widening in disbelief as I watched Lucien bring out a sharp knife. He opened my mouth and brought out my tongue while Malia kept laughing, pointing at me with a smug look on her face. I was still confused. What was going on? Was Lucien being controlled? "I reject you, Nadia, as my mate and future Luna," He growled as he sliced my tongue off.

I thought I was happy. I thought my life was perfect. I realised how wrong I was when I met her.~~~Melody started a new school 3 years ago and since then she's had a near-perfect life. An amazing group of friends, top grades and a loving, caring boyfriend. But when Thalia shows up and their paths collide her whole world starts to come crashing down.Now only one question is standing in her way. Are you happy?

Celine is an assistant scientist to the genius but coldhearted Dr. Drake Cole. The doctor happened to specialize in quantum physics and time travel. He invented time travel gadgets that will allow humans to travel back and forth through time. It's a portable device compared to a bulky time machine. She's the only assistant who's willing to test these time travel gadgets. Her reason is that she would like to go back to the past where she wants to save the love of her life. He was murdered but the suspect was not convicted. She wants to bring him back to life so that she can be with her college sweetheart once again. Little did she know that Dr. Cole is keeping a secret that is related to her past. That's why he is against the idea of her going back to the past to test the gadget. She's very persistent and willing to do anything just to change the past of her lover. But it's against the rule of time travel and they will both have to face the consequences of their actions. Will Celine be successful in changing her lover's past? Or will she end up falling for the genius scientist in the present? She will be confused but don't care even if time can affect what will happen to her future. All she knows is that she has to go back to the past so that she can move on and live in her present.

"I love you, Swara. I promise that I'll never let a single drop of tear come out of your eyes," he said while holding her hands. "I don't believe in promises anymore. Promises are lies," she said while jerking her hands back. ♡♡♡ Swara Gadodia, a simple and shy girl who chooses to be silent most of the time because of reasons known only to her. Having grown up with a non-loving stepmother, who hates her, Swara longs for love, always. Enters her life, Sanskar Maheswari, a rude and arrogant man who has no room for love in his life. In fact, he doesn't even believe in the concept of love. Both are completely different from each other, but as they, opposite attracts. Destiny plays its own game, and both are tangled in the web of love. But life is not so easy. Something tragic happens, which is to test their bond. Will their love pass the test? Or, will it crumble down? Will they be able to fulfil the promises they made to each other? ♡♡♡ He is the sun while she is the moon. He is as raging as fire while she is as calm as water. Will these two opposites ever fall in love?