Eric Cartman Rap Novels & Stories

Carter sneered. “Chill, boys. We just came to see what all the hype was about, and I hate to say I’m quite disappointed. If you ever want to know how to really party, we always welcome you to check out how Jacksonville State throws their parties,” the supposed Captain barked back. He walked up to Ryan who was idly standing by next to Carter knocked his solo cup out of his hand and spilled the contents all over him. “Until then, we’ll continue to beat your sorry asses on the field. Party up, I’m sure that will help.”

I cheered as he climbed the table, I put one of cardi b songs and he started tweaking. We laughed as he tweaked seriously. He tweaked but nothing shook cause he had no ass. He finished tweaking the song and came down from the table sweating. I laughed at the way he breathed hardly. "You're really mean Whitney " Jack said I laughed harder falling on my back, even Stacey Jace and Erick were laughing "Stop it guys it's not funny" Jack yelled...but we continued laughing "I'm gonna get you for this Whitney " Jack said through gritted teeth and I stuck out my tongue

What is our business is the way the guys showed up. Carter’s a wall solid, immovable. Derrick never misses a chance to deliver the official response, usually paired with both middle fingers and a very enthusiastic, “Get a life, dickhead.” Jace is my favorite, though. He wants to be intimidating like Derrick, but that’s not who he is. When reporters corner him, he stammers out, “Get a life, p-please.” It’s the p-please. Kills me every time. Kills Tyler too.

he asks innocently. “A pup you dumbass,” Carter says with a smirk. I look at Carter and he just chuckles, enjoying torturing Stan instead of him being tortured. “That is amazing news – congratulations!” Stan says as he puts his hand on Carter’s shoulder. Kinsley pulls me in for a hug before Stan reaches over to hug me as well. Carter lets out a low growl, which made us all laugh.

Waiting. Carter stood at the podium. No prepared remarks. No teleprompter. Just him and a microphone and an ocean of faces. "My name is Carter Langston," he began. "And I stole from you." A ripple went through the crowd. Someone shouted: "DAMN RIGHT YOU DID!"

I even forgot to breathe for a moment until Eric's voice snapped me out of my dazed state. "You know you're gonna die if you don't breathe right," Eric said before picking up his shirt and throwing it on. He was wearing blue jeans and a Burgundy t-shirt looking like a freaking panty ripper, Shit! Where did the word panty ripper come from I asked myself as I stood there still watching Eric? Usually, I would have felt so shy and run away the moment Eric catches me staring at him, but today my boldness surprised even me myself as I continued to stand there not moving an inch.

“Mark, music.” “What music?” “You need to sing while rocking. Do you know how to sing?” “No, I don’t.” “Life’s a treat with Shaun the sheep. He’s Shaun the sheep - (He’s Shaun the sheep). He’s Shaun the sheep - (He’s Shaun the sheep). He doesn’t miss a trick or ever lose a beat. Perhaps one day. You’ll find a way…” “I don’t know how…” Charlotte started to see Mark as an embarrassment. “Mark doesn’t know anything. Let’s change another one: He’s Shaun the sheep, he’s Shaun the sheep. He’s not afraid to make the intellectual leap. For brains and guile. With a wink and a smile…”

Jax had been on that stage the whole time, jacket unzipped, white tee underneath, sleeves rolled up like he had just come off the ice. He told some story about last year's fundraiser, kids, hockey sticks, giving back to the community. The crowd ate every word. Girls sighed. Guys nodded like he was dropping gospel. Even the teachers looked half in love with him. I wrote one line and hated it immediately: 'Captain Carter turns on the charm like it's nothing. The whole room bought it. Again.' I hated how good he looked up there. I hated the way my eyes kept drifting to the line of his throat when he swallowed.

We’re coming up on our tenth one when Debbie faces Eric and me. “You sit here,” Debbie says pointing to the seat up front. Eric nods in agreement. “And when we go downhill you raise your arms up and scream, okay? You have to scream” Debbie tells him like the quality of this day is contingent on this one action. “I will scream,” Eric confirms with just as much seriousness as Debbie. Sure enough, when the tip of the cart begins its descent, Eric raises his arms in the air and lets out a sound somewhere between a scream and a cheer. I stifle a laugh. I’ve never seen this side of Eric, the side that’s trying to let go. We step off the carts and somehow Debbie is still bouncing off the walls aski

“Do you want to say that again?” “Apparently up and down the river for decades, cows have been killed by something that eats parts of them. The soft parts,” Rhett could feel his face contorting in disgust. “And the bodies that the police pulled from the river had the same bits eaten.” “And some of those bodies have disappeared,” Rohan finished grimly. “I’m going to say it again. What the actual f-k is going… Oh, no,” his face crumpled, and he began to shake his head. “No, no, no. That human bitch is back. Aislen Carter. Your mate. And now the world is going to get f-ked up so that the three of you can f-king spawn the f-king future whilst the rest of us get f-ked over.”