Funny Deer Blind Dad Jokes Novels & Stories

"I may be blind, Rain, but trust me, I’ll never miss the right hole or the perfect positions to put you in. My eyes don’t stop me from taking you until your legs give out. Open wide for me, wifey." Enzo Salvatore DeLuca, the ruthless billionaire mafia don, was untouchable—until the accident that stole his sight. Now, with time running out, he needs an heir to secure his legacy, and Rain is forced to take her stepsister's place as his bride. Rain always dreamed of a Christmas wedding with the perfect husband, but marrying a blind stranger wasn’t in her fantasies. How could a man who couldn’t see fulfill her wildest desires? He’d need help with everything, and she couldn’t imagine how he’d live up to the man she’d always fantasized about. What she doesn’t know is that he sees every move she makes, from the constant bite of her lips whenever he talks, to the way she walks around naked in the room, thinking he wouldn’t see her anyway, down to the way she watches him with longing whenever he’s changing. What he lacks in sight, he makes up for in raw intensity, dominance, and an ability to give her everything she never dared to ask for. He doesn’t do love. He doesn’t do gentle. But with Rain, he might just find more than the healing he never thought possible, and the revenge he had been seeking. "If you ask me, the only reason I need eyes is to see your eyes rolling back when I fuck you. But for now, baby girl, I want to hear it. Let me hear you moan for me.”

Cynthia is a pregnant cheerleader. Her boyfriend ghosted her immediately after she told him the news. Her brother's best friend, the hockey captain Asher, threw a party and invited all of her boyfriend's flings, and they unite to dump him in public. Cynthia said, "Thanks for always being a big brother to me." Asher raised his eyebrow and asked, "Brother? How about your baby’s dad?"

A Date with My Ex-Boyfriend’s Dad At 22, Amelia is a thriving photographer—until her ex-boyfriend shatters her world. Desperate to move on, she agrees to a blind date, expecting nothing… until she meets Ethan Blackwood. Older. Powerful. Irresistibly charming. Their chemistry is instant, their connection undeniable. For the first time in years, Amelia feels alive. But neither of them knows the truth. Ethan is her ex-boyfriend’s father. When the past collides with the present, will love survive—or will it all come crashing down?

“Tell me the truth, Sophia.” Desmond’s voice was quiet, controlled, yet it still sent a chill down my spine. I forced myself to stay still, tightening my fingers “About what?” I asked carefully, pretending not to understand. A long silence followed. He stepped closer. “The part where you were sent to destroy me” he said softly. My heartbeat stumbled. “Or the part where I’m starting to fall for you anyway?” I swallowed hard, forcing myself to meet his gaze even though panic clawed at my chest. “You lied to me.” The hurt beneath his calm voice hit harder than anger ever could. And for the first time since this nightmare began, I realized something terrifying I never wanted to become the villain in his story. Sophia Ward’s life changed the moment her family became a target. Forced to infiltrate Blackwood Enterprises under orders she could never refuse, her mission is to gain the trust of the company’s untouchable CEO and secretly deliver whatever information is demanded of her. She's determined to remain emotionally detached, focused only on survival and protecting her family. Yet despite her careful plans, she slowly becomes part of a world she was never meant to care about and earns Desmond Blackwood’s attention, perhaps even his trust. Desmond Blackwood is a man of control, mystery, and silence. Blind yet observant, he built a global empire while shutting out the world. But Sophia unsettles him in ways he cannot explain. She is brave, intelligent, and easy to rely on. But he senses she hides something incomplete beneath her calm expression. With danger tightening around them and someone always watching from the shadows, Sophia and Desmond can't tell whether they are destroying each other… or becoming the only thing capable of saving one another.

Jarrel Grayson is a successful beach resort owner and teen heartthrob single dad to his four-year-old son, Jarshel. He can give his son everything—money, comfort, and luxury. But with all that he can give, he knows something is missing. Jarshel requires a mother. Resolute to finish his son's life, Jarrel starts looking for the ideal woman to take on the role. Unbeknownst to him, however, Jarshel had already picked someone—his teacher, Kai Mendoza. A woman from Jarrel's past. A past he had believed he had long buried.

When I'm seven years old, my dad turns me in to the Court Judgment of the Born Wicked because of my tendency to vomit. If I'm found guilty, my blood ties with my dad will be forcibly severed. Then, I'll be sent to prison. Everyone claims that Dad is just making a fuss over nothing. "Your daughter is still so young, so it's natural for her to fall ill. As a father, you should be more considerate toward her." But when the evidence is shown, everyone clamps up immediately. There was once when Dad drank so much to the point he suffered from gastric bleeding. The business contract that he managed to convince his client to sign was all soiled because I vomited on him as soon as he got home. Thanks to me, the contract was voided. Dad got fired on the spot. During Bryce Fuller, my older brother's birthday, I vomited onto his birthday cake in front of his classmates. Because of that, Bryce was isolated by all of his classmates. He became so depressed that he tried to slit his wrist in an attempt to take his own life. I'll keep vomiting everywhere, be it at the dining table or on my bed. Dad and Bryce have to clean me up more than 30 times every day. They suffer greatly because of me. What angers everyone the most is that after I'm done vomiting, I'll laugh at everyone in a provocative manner. The judge gives his verdict instantly, claiming that I'm wicked by nature. Bryce's eyes redden immediately. As he cries, he tells me that he can't bear to see me leaving him. I never shed any tears, nor do I throw a tantrum. Instead, I accept the judge's verdict calmly, but with a prerequisite condition that the judge finishes watching my memories. The judge is shocked, to say the least. "We'll have to crack your skull open in order to extract your memories. You'll be in a world of pain. Are you sure about that?" I nod in determination. But Bryce, on the other hand, looks alarmed. "I won't agree to that!"

When Mia Blake arrives in Vermont for a peaceful Christmas holiday escape, she expects quiet mornings and time away from her chaotic life. Instead, she ends up stranded in a blizzard with no power, no phone signal, and no place to stay. Her rescue comes in the form of Ethan Carter, a rugged single dad living in the secluded cabin next door, and his sweet five-year-old daughter, Lily. Forced to share a roof with them while the storm rages, Mia soon discovers that the handsome dad is carrying wounds far deeper than the snow can cover. Their unexpected chemistry heats into stolen glances, slow-burn touches, and nights where the tension grows too thick to ignore. But buried secrets, dangerous shadows from Ethan’s past, and a twist that threatens their fragile bond force Mia to choose: run back to her old life, or stay and fight for a love she never saw coming.

After my dad's first love moved into our house and became my tutor, my mom never raised her voice at her again. She just coughed worse and worse, until one day I found the lab report she'd thrown out. Stage IV lung cancer. That afternoon, Dad came home with his arm around her, and walked right into Mom sitting on the couch. There was a flicker of guilt on his face. "Helena, if you've got something to say, just say it. Don't make a scene in front of the kid." Mom was eerily calm. She pointed at the woman and said, "She gets on her knees and apologizes to me three times. And you sign over half the company. Then we're done." Dad thought she'd lost it. But in the end he signed the share transfer. After that, Mom's pills kept multiplying and her appetite kept shrinking. But she hired the best lawyer in town, and over and over she taught me how to manage those shares once I was old enough. Dad never figured out the one thing that mattered. Mom was already on her way out.

**18+, A COLLECTION OF ONE SHOT SPICY SHORT STORIES** Meet your match in the Obsidian Suite. "The Obsidian Suite offers something... different." I traced my finger along the edge of the podium. "Book it, and our proprietary algorithm will match you with your perfect partner from within our network. You'll have no idea who they are until you meet them in the suite itself." A woman near the centre raised her champagne flute. "How do we know we'll be compatible with our match?" "Trust the algorithm. We have a 98% success rate. Your preferences, desires, and boundaries are all carefully considered. The algorithm doesn't just match physical attraction, but psychological compatibility. The depth of connection our members report is... extraordinary."

I was blind for three years. The day I saw again, I watched my billionaire husband betray me—and I smiled. I was blind for three years. The day I got my sight back, I watched my billionaire husband in bed with my cousin. He thought I couldn’t see him. He thought I was still his fragile, obedient wife—his experiment. He was wrong. While he whispered, “She’ll never witness this,” I stood in the dark… and chose revenge. He broke my heart. I’ll dismantle his empire. Alexander Kane doesn’t know the truth: I’m not just his wife. I’m the woman behind the most dangerous secret powering his fortune— and the only one who can destroy it. Now three powerful men are closing in: The crime prince who claims I was always his The investor who helped erase my past And my husband… who would burn the world before letting me go They want to control me. They want to use me. They want to own me. But I’m done being powerless. Phase III launches in seven days. Twelve lives will be destroyed—just like mine was. Unless I stop it. Unless I outplay them all. Unless I win.