Funny Deer Blind Dad Jokes Novels & Stories

On my 18th birthday, my stepmother, Sheila Coleman, teams up with her secret lover, William Lynch, to kill me in cold blood. After that, she carves my femur into a bone sculpture and presents it to my dad as a gift. Dad loves the sculpture to no end. Thanks to Sheila slandering me in the past, he doesn't give a damn about me at all, even after finding out that I've gone missing. In fact, he even declares that he wants to cut off all ties with me. "Don't bring that brat up in front of me from now on! I hope that she dies out there!" But when he finds out that I'm really dead, he goes crazy from remorse.

"Fuck, you're so tight for me," Ryder growled against my ear, his hips slamming forward in a deep, punishing thrust that made my back arch off the bed. I gasped, nails digging into his shoulders as he filled me completely, stretching me. "Harder... please..." He pinned my wrists above my head with one large hand, the other gripping my hip hard enough to bruise. "You want it rough, baby? Then beg for it properly." My body trembled under him, slick and desperate. The words spilled out before I could stop them. "Please... Daddy... fuck me harder." A dark, satisfied rumble vibrated through his chest. He leaned down, teeth grazing my neck, voice low and filthy. "Good girl. Come all over Daddy's cock. Show me how much you need this.” *** On my wedding day, I caught my fiancé Dylan Voss and my step-sister Helene fucking each other in a room. Heartbroken and humiliated, I walked away from the altar. That's when Ryder Hawthorne—Dylan's powerful, ruthless stepfather—found me. He carried me to his penthouse, and in a haze of rage and need, I seduced him. We fucked like it was war: rough, and desperate. When Dylan walked in and saw me riding his stepdad—he felt betrayed and stormed out. I felt satisfied and vindicated. It was supposed to be one night. We were never supposed to see each other again. Until I desperately took a job at Hawthorne Prosperity Group to save my dying grandmother…and discovered Ryder was my new boss. One rough, forbidden encounter in his office, and he offered me to be his personal slut, in return he'd pay Gran's bills. I had no choice and accepted. Payback became obsession. My ex wants me back, but Ryder refuses to let go. Now I’m caught between revenge and surrender.

Audrey has a crush on her best friend single father, Mr. Knight from a young age. She didn’t dare to tell him because Knight had always taken her as his daughter because of the huge age gap. At her 18th birthday, she finally had the courage to confess to him but shit hits the fan as she finds him kissing her sister. Feeling betrayed she heads off to college and tries moving on until he comes finding her…and this time he isn't willing to back down.

My boss gives me 200 thousand dollars in cash so I can pay his workers their salaries. I leave the house to buy some envelopes to put the money in, but that's when my father lends the money to our neighbor so they can buy a house. I question him about it, but he says I know nothing about forging relationships. Even my mother and brother blame me for not keeping my things properly—they say I'm dumb for leaving money lying around when I know my father likes to lend money to others. Later, my boss fires me but doesn't call the cops. All he wants is for me to repay him. To do so, my father finds me a high-paying job. It's only when I get there that I realize I'm supposed to be an old man's housekeeper. On my first day there, he violates me. I want to call the cops, but my father tells me to be forgiving of him. After that, the old man's daughter thinks I seduced her father and has me beaten to death. When I open my eyes again, I'm back to the day my father lent money to our neighbor.

My father's adopted daughter was only locked in the cramped storage closet for around fifteen minutes, yet he punished me by tying me up and throwing me inside. He even sealed off the ventilation with towels. "As Wendy's older sister, if you can't take care of her, then you should also experience how scared she was," he declared coldly. He knew I was claustrophobic, but my desperate pleas for mercy, my terror, were met with nothing but heartless reprimands. "Let this be a lesson on how to be a good sister." As the last sliver of light disappeared, swallowed by the oppressive darkness, I struggled helplessly. A week passed before my father finally remembered my existence and decided it was time to end my punishment. "Let's hope this week served as a good lesson for you, Jennifer. If this happens again, you will no longer be allowed in this house." He would never know that I had already taken my last breath in that suffocating room. My body had begun to rot in the darkness.

My girlfriend, Camille Chaney, gets pregnant right before the college entrance exam starts. In my previous life, I gave up on my college entrance exam and married Camille. We had a son together. Life might be nitty-gritty, but it was still rather fulfilling for me. When I was on my deathbed, Camille and her first love, Howard Salter, dropped by to visit me. "Thank you for raising our son for more than 20 years. Now, you may die in peace." Camille pulled the plug on my life support at that moment. She watched as I slowly suffocated to death. When I open my eyes again, I find out that I've returned to the timeframe when the college entrance exam is about to take place. This time, I slam the door shut in Camille's face when I hear her asking me to take responsibility for her pregnancy. "Go find someone else to play house with you. I'm not interested in becoming a father at all."

Since I can remember, I have been a liar. That is the conclusion my mother made about me. After my twin brother, Daniel Benson, and I are born, she becomes obsessed with a so-called scientific parenting method. So, she puts a lie-detecting collar on each of us. Whenever we lie, the collar lights up in red. The moment it turns red, she presses a remote and shocks me. She says it will help form muscle memory to correct the bad character in me. Daniel's collar is always green. Even when he tears my mom's favorite clothes to shreds and calmly claims a dog does it, the collar still glows green. But I am different. Even if I just say, "Mom, I’m thirsty," The collar would suddenly flash a blinding red light. Then, a current shoots through my neck and into my body, making me tremble in pain. At first, I try to explain. But my mom always says the same thing. "The machine doesn't lie. You have to feel pain to learn. I'm doing this for your own good." After being shocked thousands of times, I slowly start to believe that maybe I am truly born a liar.

Chloe Greyson’s life was shattered when she learnt she wasn’t the true heiress of the Greyson family, but rather a girl swapped at birth. Cast out, blinded by a brutal attack, and later saved by Dan Sawyer, Chloe believed she found salvation in marriage. But Dan only wanted her for her blood—a perfect match to keep his comatose lover, Sofia, alive. Now, after three years of enduring this loveless marriage, Chloe has had enough. Discovering she is pregnant, she seeks a divorce, only for Dan to shockingly agree—because Sofia has finally woken up. As luck would have it, Chloe's real family—the affluent and powerful Westbrook family—found her and revealed that she was their long-lost daughter and the key to a hidden legacy. Dan, realizing his mistakes, tries to get back to Chloe despite Sofia’s effort to keep him to herself. But things got complicated when Chloe accidentally met Leo King, a mysterious Mafia boss who happens to be her ex's uncle, in a less-than-ideal situation. Gradually, sparks began to fly between them and soon, she realized he was her ex's uncle. Meanwhile, Chloe’s newfound family harbours secrets that could either aid her in her quest for justice or destroy her all over again. Torn between avenging her past and loving again, Chloe must choose between silence and secrets or opening her heart to a new love amidst a web of deceit and betrayal, all while navigating her newfound family's secrets and Dan's attempts to win her back.

*Weak to Strong FL* *Forbidden... and steamy romance* Elena Lockwell, a bastard pup from the weakest pack that couldn't shift despite having werewolf parents. Out of hope, Elena was dumped at Moon College, a prestigious school in Blood Moon pack known for its vigorous training and learning across the werewolf generations. A college filled with giant wolves from different powerful packs— never an option for a weak soul! Just when Elena thought a new better life was brimming ahead of her— recognized and chosen by the Future Alpha King as his mate after numerous abuses that seemed endless. However, Elena’s world was crushed to her feet when she saw her mate cheating on her with her best friend on the night that was meant to be for the two lovers marking. Could it get any worse when Elena lost her long-kept virginity and smell to the unknown one-night fling, who turns out to be her cheating mate's Dad? Can a possessive desire end without a clash when the intimidating Alpha King wants her and the mate that rejected her wasn't willing to let go? When love meets with conflicts and responsibilities, what fate awaits the three wolves? ~Excerpt~ “I’m no one’s mate, at least not yours. Remember you rejected me! That makes me a mateless wolf, and I can go around sleeping with whomever I want” I angrily yelled at my ex-mate. “Who the fuck is the fearless wolf that dares defile the future Alpha King woman?!” Brandon's forest-green eyes bore into mine ferociously, making my body shudder. “And what will you do after knowing who he is?” I snorted in mockery. “I’ll make sure to tear every of his limbs right before your face, then show to the world that you’re mine!”

I stared, I gulped, my heart skipped a beat, my stomach twisted and I can feel the butterflies, a linger and a cold chill ran and travelled through my vein, flowing through my blood like lava. The man before me was heavenly, I could barely look away. From the way his dark grey orbs stared back at me to the way his jet black hair fell spikingly on his shoulder, my whole body shuddered uncontrollably from the sensation growing in my system. My eyes trailed up to his sharp jawline, his straight pointed nose, his tick, long eyebrows and eyelashes to his sinful, tempting, luscious lips. Consciously, I ran a over my lips but the sound of my dad clearing his throat pulled me out from my trace as a slightly jerked, feeling electrified. "Tristan, I went you to meet my friend, Dr Sean" My dad introduced the sexy, demigod man with that sinful body of his. I quivered again. "Sean, meet my son Tristan" Dad introduced me but my eyes remained cemented on him and I could swore I saw a spark in those dark orbs but it was gone as soon as it came, making me doubt if I really saw it. I watched him run his over his reddish, luring lips while his ran down my body, making my inside burn with a sudden fire I had never felt before...and then, he spoke.... "Nice to meet you kitten" And from that moment no, I knew it was over for my heart. From that moment I knew I was in love with MY FATHER'S FRIEND!