Funny Deer Blind Dad Jokes

My 60-year-old father hasn't been able to sire any other children than me due to an injury that affects his manhood. However, my mom has just gotten pregnant with triplets. When I take him to the hospital for a follow-up checkup, a man suddenly shows up and drags Dad off to undergo a vasectomy. Upon returning to the scene after registering Dad's details at the nurse's station, I'm stunned by what I see. Still, I rush over to stop the man. Instead, a nurse stops me and tells me, "Ms. Ashford's husband is apprehending the man she's cheating with right now! Don't go rushing into their mess!" I'm both shocked and confused at the same time. Ms. Ashford, a.k.a Selena Ashford, is my mother! Then her husband should be my dad! "You old bastard! You already have one foot in the grave, and yet you still have the balls to seduce a married woman! How dare you attempt to fight over my family's assets with my son! I'll have you know that this hospital belongs to my daughter-in-law, Emily Carter! Let's see if you can survive long enough to spend any of my family fortune!" Dad refuses to enter the surgery room. Instead, he manages to wrestle the man away from him and try to escape. Upon noticing Dad's escape attempt, the man yells for other people to hold him down. Then, he punches Dad in the groin a few times. "Selena and I have been married for 40 years, and we only have Elias as our only son! Emily is the daughter-in-law whom we've personally selected for him as well! Since when did she become your daughter-in-law?" Dad screams hysterically. "That's right! Emily is my wife! You're no father of mine!" I quickly exclaim. The man eyes me up and down in disdain. "Nowadays, even homewreckers have their buddies to do their dirty work with them! My son, the heir of Ashford Group, is Dylan Ashford! How dare you impersonate him!" Before I can say anything, the man dials a number and starts yelling into his phone. "Emily Carter, are you and your mother-in-law both cheating on my son and me together? I'm giving you a chance right now! You'd better come over and deal with this side piece of yours before Dylan finds out about your affair!" I feel as though my world has come crashing down. Are my mom and my wife seriously cheating on my dad and me at the same time?

People hope not to date an abusive partner but wouldn't it be worse when you are already married? She was used, abused and stepped on. All hope was lost and she vowed to only live for the sake of her children, no more hiding in the shadows of others ...Work hard and repay. Meet Eleana Osas, a single mom of two who vowed to get her revenge on her ex husband and shun all men. What will happen when she cross path with the soon to be biggest boss, Shawn Dele, who is handsomely mysterious. Will he be able to untie the knot in her heart or would he make her hate men more? Curious? Then follow up and don't forget to add it to your library. Anticipate!!!!!......... Excerpt: "So you vow to never love, never be with another man? Is this the kind of control he has over you?", Shawn asked feeling waves of emotions; anger, disappointment..... "It's the kind of control I have over my self, I will never, ever submit myself to any man again, never", Eleana replied, gritting her teeth in anger, not directed at Shawn but herself - she only spoke those words because she need him to let her go, else she fall more than she already has..... Seeing as Shawn didn't reply, Eleana walked past him but Shawn was having none of that, he turned around and grab her arms, pulling her closer to him making sure she could feel his breathe on her neck as he whispered mischievously. "Are you so certain you will be the one submitting and not me? Hmmm?". His words rang warning bells in Eleana's head as her legs went wobbly under his teasing and nearness.... Oh god! She swore, when she felt his lips on her earlobe.

Brandon Kane, The Gamma of The Southern Werewolves Pack, volunteers for a dangerous undercover mission to locate a long list of missing girls who are all rumored to be auctioned in the largest sex-trafficking business run by a vampire named Kennedy Strauss. Going in with no backup and very little reliable information, Brandon has to face the ugly reality of the underworld business. He has to make his way in and out without blowing his undercover and not putting the people he was sent to rescue at risk. Celeste Diamond is the underworld's renowned assassin known as the Blind Bandit, who works for diamonds. A highly skilled and incredibly sexy, the Blind Bandit is the elite bodyguard of Kennedy Strauss who barely leaves his side. While it seems she is driven by her duty to protect her employer, Celeste's true motive is far greater than her duty to the vampire businessman. She is blind, but it's not her inability to see that concerned him. She sees him coming.

On the day we're supposed to register our marriage, my girlfriend Jenny Sutton has me removed from the city hall. She walks in with her childhood sweetheart, Ronald Walsh. She looks at me without a flicker of guilt and says, "Ronald's kid needs his legal status sorted out. Once we divorce, I'll marry you." Everyone assumes I'll wait. I'm the devoted fool who's already waited seven years, so one more month seems trivial. That night, I go along with my family's plan and leave the country for a marriage of convenience. I cut myself cleanly out of Jenny's life. Three years later, I return to the country with my wife, Ellie Olsen, who's a CEO, to pay respects at her family's graves. A last-minute issue pulls her away, and she asks the local branch to send someone to pick me up. I didn't expect Jenny, not after three years. "You have dragged this out long enough. Come back. Ronald's kid will be starting kindergarten soon. You can handle the school runs."

Xevia Brielle, a young omega, daughter of an enslaved who works for the Ivyari family, is lulled by the seductions of the youngest alpha prince in the Ivyari family, Alarick Dereck Ivyari. Their illicit relationship has made Xevia pregnant. Now that she is pregnant, Alarick betrays and refuses to admit the baby. As punishment, Xevia was banished from the pack. She was dumped into the middle of the terrible depths of a dark forest known as the abode of rogues. However, poor Xevia's life was saved by a wolf from a group of rogues. He is Xander Levon Balstair. The Rogue prince, who was blind, was cold, arrogant, and high-tempered. Her life was like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. Xevia had to give herself up to mating with Xander. Every day she wished death would come to her rather than having to spend her entire life accompanying that arrogant and evil blind man. However, all that hatred and rejection will end when she learns about a truth that opens her mind and heart.

When the college admission notice arrived, I suddenly developed a high fever and was bedridden. My sister encountered a kidnapping on her way to help me collect the notice, and her life was uncertain. My parents hated me deeply. After tearing up my admission notice, they forced me to give up my studies and work in a factory. Later, I experienced a kidnapping as well. After narrowly escaping, I hid in an abandoned factory and sent them a message for help. My dad called me and shouted at me without restraint, “Lena, are you even human? How could you play such a joke on us on Jessica's memorial day!” “Do you have any idea how much your mom and I wished it had been you who died back then?” In my last moments before death, their insults echoed in my ears. I was tortured and killed, turned into a monster, and my body was thrown into a stinking ditch for three full days. Even my father, the most experienced forensic expert, couldn’t recognize me. When my sister returned home with the guy she eloped with years ago, my dad had just restored my appearance through technology. They knelt before my decaying corpse and cried until they fainted.

A broken relationship leaves her homeless just days before Christmas, forcing her to take a temporary job on a luxury holiday yacht. She expects nothing more than survival—until fate places her in the path of a powerful Alpha who should have been forbidden. What begins as a reckless mistake turns into a bond neither of them can escape. But jealousy festers close to home, and a vengeful enemy is determined to destroy her at any cost. Time passes, love blooms, and a pregnancy meant to unite a pack instead tears it apart. Cast out with nothing but her child, she is forced to rebuild her life from ashes, while the man who once rejected her uncovers a betrayal so deep it shatters his world. This is a dark holiday romance about obsession, revenge, shattered trust—and the price of believing a lie.

Vanessa, an omega in the Blood Moon Pack, suffered a devastating blow when the Alpha's son spurned her in favor of another. Seeking solace elsewhere, she eventually returns to her pack, only to be greeted by tragedy: the untimely passing of the beloved Luna, the woman who raised her. In the midst of grief and upheaval, Vanessa’s world is further rocked when she discovers she's been chosen as the Alpha's second chance mate. Alpha Alexander, grappling with unexpected emotions and the significant age gap between them, struggles to come to terms with this twist of fate—especially considering Vanessa was once rejected by his own son. As tensions rise and emotions run high, Alpha Alexander’s conflicted feelings lead him to make a rash decision: to punish Vanessa for a drunken mistake made in the heat of the moment. But as the lines blur between duty, desire, and resentment, both Vanessa and Alpha Alexander find themselves on a collision course with destiny.

As an ordinary human being on the earth, Tang Long was brought to the Cultivation World by a lost immortal, and relying on his amazing talent, he made it to one of the five emperors in that world. However, struck by Thunder of Nine Heavens, he lost his life. It was lucky for him to rebirth in the human world as an intern who was named Qin Haodong. With his excellent medical skills, he became a divine doctor of traditional Chinese medicine and a father of a baby girl, whose mother was as pretty as a fairy. The little girl even asked him to find more lovers. What a cute girl...

Upon my returning from the special ops mission I took on three years ago, I open the door to see my fiancee, Erica Lewis, pregnant and holding a child. "This is your son," she declares as she passes the kid to me. I freeze in shock. My parents chuckle and explain, "You were gone for so long. Erica had to carry on the family name without you, so your older brother decided to help you with it. Isn't that great?" Just like that, I'm forced to be the officiant at the wedding ceremony I spent the last three years eagerly anticipating. I'm expected to stand beside Erica and my brother, Alex Sherman, to watch them exchange wedding rings and to see them kiss each other passionately. They have lied to all our friends and family, claiming that I couldn't have children. They humiliate me in public. They've also spent all of my savings and moved into the villa I bought using the monetary reward I got from the army after completing a deadly mission. Erica and Alex even lie on the bed I'd picked out myself and take intimate photos of themselves to send to me. "Don't be so sensitive. We're just helping you carry on the family name. Our kids are going to call you dad anyway." I give up. "Don't bother. It's over between us, Erica." After that, I call the army on the phone.