Funny Pick Up Lines Novels & Stories

When I became pregnant, my gravely ill mother mentioned that her final wish was to witness my wedding. My boyfriend, William Jones, finally agrees to marry me after I have been asking for 99 days. Yet, on the wedding day, he never shows up, even though I was waiting in my gown at the hotel the whole day. The truth only emerges when someone found his marriage certificate that he had posted a month earlier on social media. He married his childhood sweetheart, Caroline Ashton, during that time. When my mother learns this, the shock triggers a fatal attack. She passes away despite the doctors' efforts. William sends me a message. "I'm sorry, honey. Caroline twisted her ankle, so I had to take care of her. We'll have our wedding next month, okay? I promise I'll make it up to you this time." … A month later, William prepares a lavish, grand wedding just for me. Dressed in a custom-tailored suit, he waits at the hotel. Yet, all he receives is the report from my abortion procedure. There is only one sentence on the back—"William, this is goodbye forever."

A young guy keeps getting into trouble in very funny and unfortunate ways. He wrecked havocs on people too, mistakenly. He hallucinated and had great fantasies about people to brighten up his hearers. Afterwards, he came back to his mundane reality.

During the college entrance exam, everyone else is writing on their exam sheets nonstop. Meanwhile, I'm all cooped up in a toilet stall while playing games on the phone. When faced with the reporters who are posted outside the exam venue, I tell them confidently, "I'm definitely getting into a prestigious college." Upon hearing my answer, my parents, who have just accepted me back into their elite family, can't help but grin from ear to ear. Even the fake heir, Charles McKinnon, is unable to suppress his elation. I just smile without saying anything else. Then, I sign the guaranteed admission confirmation form that my teacher has fought hard to secure for me before the start of the exam. In my previous lifetime, my parents had bound a score-swapping system to me and Charles. Charles replaced me as a student in Yarvyn College. But I couldn't even get into a regular community college. Just like that, I became the laughingstock of my previous high school. Charles even took the lead in slandering me for cheating in my previous exams. Unable to handle the pressure, I jumped off a school building and died. In this lifetime, I'll give Charles a taste of what it feels like to come last in the entire city!

For the eighteenth time, Samson brought home his new lover and enjoyed their intimacy right in front of me. Knowing he was doing this to get back at me, I just quietly picked up their scattered clothes. Five years ago, Samson was nearly killed in a kidnapping. Ignoring all his desperate pleas, I broke up with him and left the country. Five years later, he became the CEO of a major corporation and used his wealth to keep me at his side as his personal assistant. Every so often, he would bring home a different woman and flaunt their affection in front of me just to humiliate me. Samson never knew that I had saved him from those kidnappers five years ago—and that I was the one who couldn't let go of him. Things went on this way until he brought Judy back. My cousin, someone I had financially supported for years. When Judy proudly stroked her belly and told me she was pregnant with Samson’s baby, I just congratulated her calmly. Then, I turned and made a phone call. “Hello, about that Medical Support Project we discussed? I’ve decided—I’m ready to join.”

After a near-death encounter, Gale, a weak and poor college student, unlocks the mysterious thing residing within him. It was a SYSTEM that can make him level up, with him growing stronger in each levels. It would give him power that will alter his destiny. A power that will catch the attention of the secret societies lurking in the shadows.

At the company banquet, my boyfriend of five years, Lucas Cowan, dropped to one knee and proposed to his first love in front of everyone. I did not cry or make a scene. I stood off to the side, sipped my wine, and wished them well. Afterward, Lucas pulled me aside to explain. "Rebecca's family has the resources I need. Her mother said she would only agree to the partnership if we married." He paused, then added, "Don't worry. Once I get what I need, I'll divorce her and marry you." I smiled and told him, "I understand. The company comes first." In my previous life, I lost control on the spot. I stormed the stage and drove Rebecca out of the company myself. She went straight into the arms of Lucas' biggest rival, and that company skyrocketed overnight. As a result, Lucas locked me in a basement and starved me to death. This time, I wouldn't stand in their way. What Lucas didn't know is that every connection, every deal, and every resource his company had ever relied on was arranged quietly by me through my family's connections. From now on, each time he got close to Rebecca, I would cut off another lifeline, another resource. I wanted to see what his precious company looked like when nothing was left to hold it up.

After getting into a fight with my CEO husband, Zachary Langford, I decided to sleep in a hotel room that night out of fury. Little did I know that a video would go viral on the Internet the next day. In the video, I took turns pleasuring seven men in my birthday suit. My moans filled the room the whole time. Zachary delivered a heavy slap across my face with the video shown on his phone. "How could I have ever married a shameless slut like you?" I couldn't even defend myself. All I could do was call the police for help. But once the police were done inspecting the video, they determined that it wasn't a deepfake. They had also discovered traces of the men's and my DNA in the hotel room. Everyone went into frenzied discussions on the Internet based on the video. It was then Zachary publicly announced that he shall be divorcing me soon after. Thanks to that, my mom died of a sudden heart attack. Apparently, the heart attack was triggered out of pure fury toward me. As for my father, he got into a fatal car accident on his way to the hospital. His corpse was completely broken and battered. After I got cast out of my family, those men's wives went as far as to hire hooligans to violate me in order to get revenge on me. Not wanting to get violated, I ended up falling down the stairs while I was fleeing from them. My brain suffered from internal bleeding, which killed me in the end. Even when I breathed my last, I still failed to understand why those videos and the evidence still existed despite the fact that I had done nothing at all. When I open my eyes again, I've returned to the day I'm having a fight with Zachary.

I'm eight months pregnant, and I suddenly go into early labor. But my husband, Aldrich Lohan, locks me up in the basement and gives me a tocolytic injection to stop my labor instead. He does all these just to ensure that his sister-in-law's baby is born before mine, so that my child won't fight for the inheritance rights. "Anton saved my life," Aldrich says, referring to his elder brother. "But now, he's gone, succeeded only by the baby in Chrissy's womb. I must let her baby inherit all the rights. Chrissy lost everything, but you're still here, enjoying everything I'm giving you like you're entitled to them. So what if you compromise a little bit for her sake?" The contractions in my lower body are hurting more than I can bear. I'm on the verge of passing out as I grab on to the hem of his pants and beg, "I swear that I won't let my child claim his inheritance rights! Please, just send me to the hospital. My child will die otherwise!" However, Aldrich just kicks me aside. "Chrissy has been pregnant for nine months. How can you be giving birth in just eight months? How would I know whether or not you're just inducing birth on purpose? I don't care. I won't let anyone steal the inheritance rights from Chrissy's baby, even if there's just a minuscule percentage of it happening." In the end, Chrissy successfully gives birth to her child, and it's only after that that Aldrich finally remembers me in the basement. "Bring Kelsey to the hospital and make them bring out the best medical equipment to ensure the safe birth of my child." His personal assistant, Edgar Salome, shivers as he says, "But Mr. Lohan… Mrs. Lohan and her child have both died…"

After our parents passed away, two couples approached Serena and me at the same time, both wishing to adopt us. Serena dashed ahead, rushing toward the impoverished couple before I could move. “Hill, I’ll let you have the wealthy family,” she said, looking at me with a sweet smile. “I only care about your happiness.” However, I could hear her inner thoughts perfectly clear. She was privately gloating, telling me to enjoy being used as a mere tool for a business marriage, trapped inside a mansion for the rest of my life. That was when I knew—she had been reborn too. In our past life, Serena had been the one to rush toward the luxury cars, successfully becoming the pampered daughter of a wealthy family. Yet, she couldn’t handle their strict rules and discipline. She ended up sneaking out at night to wild out at bars, accidentally leaked classified family secrets, and was ultimately kicked out of the house. Meanwhile, I relied entirely on my own hard work to study abroad, eventually becoming a world-renowned scientific genius. On the day I was set to receive my grand award, Serena completely lost her mind. She stormed the stage and drove a knife straight into my body. “Why do you get to live such a free and successful life?!” she screamed. As she wished, we were both given a second chance to choose. Without a shred of hesitation, I turned around and stepped straight into the luxury car. She had no idea that without money, true freedom didn’t even exist. And this wealthy family? They were nothing more than my stepping stone in this life.

After our company's IPO approval is granted, my boyfriend, Derek Calloway, finally agrees to publicize our relationship at the celebratory banquet. Derek and I have been in a relationship for seven years. For so long, he refuses to make our relationship official. He always cites the fact that office romance is forbidden in the company, and that he, as the CEO, should follow through as a prime example. On the night of the banquet, I wait for the news to be broken with bated breath and unadulterated delight. But when Derek stands on the stage, he chooses to utter the name of the new recruit who has just joined the company for two months—Jocelyn Grant. "It's all thanks to Jocelyn's contributions to the project that our company gets to go public. She's the MVP of our company." I just stand beneath the stage, completely stunned. For a moment, I don't know how to react. I'm the main person in charge of that project, and I'm the one who's contributed the most to that project. Not only have I stayed up countless nights working hard on it, but I also got hospitalized a few times because of it. Soon, I receive Derek's text message. "Jocelyn has just joined this line of work. She needs a project to help spruce her resume up. Just let her receive the credits this once. "We'll discuss more on publicizing our relationship in the future." I can only grip my phone so tightly that my fingertips go white. Finally, I key in one word. "Okay." Jocelyn can have the project. She can also have my position as the director. Heck, she's free to have Derek, my now ex-boyfriend. I'd like to see how these assholes can pass the subsequent trials without me.