Funny Threats Novels & Stories

“You’re free.” “Good.” “Could it be a gag?” “It was a damn death threat, Hopkins, not a knock-knock joke. It scared the hell out of her.” And me, he thought, shoving his hair back and trying to not think about Jussie’s terrified blue eyes when she’d shown him the faxed message. “Death threats have a nasty habit of being scary,” Hopkins agreed. “It’s why the bad guys use ’em. I can check it out, have her lines tapped.”

And just like that, all traces of humor were wiped out and were replaced by a cold, bone chilling glare. "Hear this, punk: hurt Charlie and I swear I'm gonna come after you and castrate your balls with my bare hands," Terry threatened. Mike just smiled, unfazed with Terry's threat. "I assure you, I am not going to hurt Charlie." "I mean it," Terry tried again, though his voice was low and calm, the lethal warning seeping out of it. "I will fuck you up, you'd be begging for your momma." I could tell that Mike didn't like being threatened. Even though he is a rich boy, he isn't helpless, nor a wuss. He could take care of himself, but now, radiated menace and directed at Terry.

I have been there, plenty of time. "If you dare try something like that, Rachael, I'll make you pay. I'll make your life harder than you can ever imagine." She threatened. I towered above her and laughed hard in a sinister manner. Her threat was a very funny one to me as I was certain it was useless. "How hard can you make my life?" I mocked her.

“That’s a shame, because I’m very good at them. I’m sure you have a threat you’d at least like to get off your chest?” I exhale slowly through my nose. “Listen to me, and listen well. I don’t trust you. I don’t like you. And if you so much as look at Hilda the wrong way, I’ll remove the organ that seems to rule you and feed it to the crows.” He blinks. Then, absurdly, he grins. “Well, now. That’s the most creative threat I’ve had in years. I might even be flattered that you think I’m a threat.”

“ I don’t think that it's normal for someone to introduce their uncle with those words ‘ he isn’t going to lunge at your throat’ you know?” Reyna rolled her eyes as she sat down next to him. “ Oh, you big baby. It's just a normal meeting —— you think he is going to come for your life?” He swallowed the rest of his pasta after chewing it slowly. “ After how he threatened me that he was going to break my knee caps if he found out that you are upset or something? I guess—- Yes!” Then he thought about something and added with a frown. “ Why is it, that I am the one getting threats? And Glenn was able to get out of this scot-free?”

She might take my words as threats but I do not threatened people. Threats are unsure words full of maybes, you may or may not carry them out. I, for one, it has never been my nature to bluff which explains why I don't do threats. What mainly do is play nice and warn people of the consequence if they defy me. "I'm not the Killian here Jet, incase you've forgotten I'm trying to help her! Do you think it's wise to threaten me?" She fired her, not masking the glare she was shooting in my direction.

Embarrassing, right? I guess it is. But it's not my main problem right now. My friends and I receive a threat letter and keep getting pranks by a mysterious person we'd like to call Villain X. We have no idea who she/he is but we know, if we are not careful, we might find ourselves in deep trouble.

With a subtle click of my tongue, I couldn't help but add a touch of sarcasm to my retort, "Oh, so you decided to pay me a surprise visit without even bothering to gather some intel about the person you plan on threatening?" He got off the chair, his hand moving over to the holster strapped underneath his jacket and he pulled out his gun, his words sliced through the air, laced with a cruel threat, "You? Insignificant. A waste of my time. A mere blip on my radar. Don't imagine for a second that I won't extract every detail from you, even if it means making you scream for it. Now, how about you quit the games and start talking, like a good little girl?"

I said. “Let me tell you that you really don’t want to mess with me. If you refuse to accept this offer, you see this company that is making you feel as if you are now on top of the world? I will make sure that I crush it. You’ll have no one else to run to, and you’ll come crawling back to me asking for help,” he threatened, his face darkening with rage. I let out a laugh,because what he said was actually ridiculous and funny. I think the laugh made him more annoyed.

they roared out their pitiful views and empty threats. “You scumbags keep astounding me with your stupid threats. Listen you two fools and listen well- even if I die, believe me, my pack will wreck havoc on yours and you have already tasted defeat at their hands. So I am pretty sure that you won’t want to have your entire pack decimated to nothingness. I would rather suggest that you mind your own businesses and not touch the Fatso Dicks while also refraining to do anything that shall endanger your entire pack, hmm ?” I forewarned firmly and thundered out of the room. These assholes and that Vanessa bitch are getting on my nerves.