Funny Threats Novels & Stories

“Well, if we decide to forget about the whole thing, then I’ll scream my head off and have you arrested before you can say ‘Jack Robinson,’ not to talk of before you find your way out of here.” “Is that a threat? I don’t take kindly to threats.” “You can bet your sorry ass it is.” “Well, to burst your bubbles, I have two friends who are sitting right here in this establishment and watching us. Any wrong move from you, and they’ll start shooting, starting with you. They’ll blow your pretty, fat head off before it can finish uttering its first scream, and you know what will happen after that. While everyone is running around in terror and trying not to get shot, I’ll disappear into thin air, n

I thought as annoyance percolated through my reins. "Hey look here man, if it's a joke, it ain't funny at all. Better cut it out before I do something we'll both regret" I said as I tried to suppress the anger from being evident in my voice. He stared at me for a second or two, blinking a bit awkwardly before he suddenly burst out in laughter. Was this guy nuts? He was literally laughing at a threat in the hood! What kind of psycho was this? At this point, I had had enough. "Okay, fuck this" I said as I grabbed him by the collar and stood up with him.

"Then I will kill you, your pretty little wife, and your son. You all will be weeded, and I won't give it a second thought. So move, out of my way." "Is that a threat?" Thomas asked, though the tremor in his voice betrayed how seriously he took it. "Yes, it's a threat." Ricky shoved him with his shoulder, and Thomas stumbled back, though his eyes never wavered from his brother's face. Ricky began to laugh, the sound echoing coldly through the somber church.

he paused for a moment before continuing, "What if I told you I was taking you somewhere else where others can't find you, in other words, kidnapping you?" I pointed at the fuel metre saying, "You need some gas. Fill it up first." and continued looking outside and said, "And, before making any move, don't forget that I was an underling in the past. Apart from stealing, I am good at making people scream in pain too. So don't fuck with me, ok?" "Did you just threaten me?" I could see a smirk forming on his face as he replied. "If so then, yes. Yes I did. Is there a rule that you're the only one who can threaten others?"

I huffed out an unhumurous laugh. "Baby, one thing you should know about me is that I ain't never scared. You may feign to know or think you know what you're holding, but I can assure you, you don't. I'm not one to take threats lightly, and if I really wanted to, you'd claw out your own throat simply because I said so. Now, you can think this a game if you want to. I can't say I'll always be right..."

I asked. He growled. “I swear, if you spend even a dime of my money, I will hunt you to the ends of the earth. I will make you wish for death and it will not come fast.” He threatened. For some reason, I was unfazed. I tapped my finger on my lips. “Hmm, does that work on all the people you threaten? It's creative, I'll give you that.” Armani went silent for a moment. “Are you insane? Who exactly are you and how did you find my money?” He asked.

Not because anything was funny. Because it wasn’t. “Then another.” His gaze remained fixed somewhere in the distance. “A few months later there were more.” Death threats. Warnings. Photographs. Promises. At first he ignored them. Successful people received threats all the time. Most were meaningless. Most were made by cowards hiding behind paper and ink. So he hired security. Increased precautions. And eventually convinced himself everything was under control. His voice broke. “It wasn’t.” Silence settled over the room. Edward swallowed hard.

"I don't know what strings you pulled to get your disgusting, sassy self here in the first place because the likes of you don't work here, but I promise you this, I'll make sure you are out this door and flat on your butt as soon as you can say my name." Let it go. Let it fucking go, Jo, her usually sane and rational self cautioned. You've said enough already, don't let her fucking get to you! But she was way past listening to the little voice of caution in her head. The daring minx in her that Fayre had managed to resurrect wanted a bite and she let her have it. "Make sure my pay check comes in intact while you are at it, will you? And a little advice on the side, you should definitely work

she declared, demonstrating a dramatic slashing motion across her neck. Okay, that did it. He couldn't help but chuckle at her bravado. There was a little girl, barely past six, threatening him like a seasoned warrior. It was both unsettling and oddly endearing. He burst out laughing before realizing it. "Whoa, little one," he said, holding up his hands in a pretentious surrender, "I wouldn't dare make your mama sad. But threatening to slash someone's throat, that's not very nice, okay?” Someone needed to tell his daughter that it wasn't nice to threaten strangers. Or rather, strangers who had become friends… or become one's father.

“Valerie is going to make our lives hell.” I snorted a laugh. “That’s an understatement.” “She’s the least of our worries.” “Then tell me about these threats, so I’d know how to prepare when they come.” He lifted his head to look at me. “Just like that? It doesn’t bother you?”