I Can't Carry This Anymore Novels & Stories

I don’t have the strength anymore. And then everything goes black.

Chapter 164 Amanda’s POV I could not hold it anymore. That was the thing about carrying something heavy for too long. At some point your arms just gave out. Not because you decided to let go. Just because the body reached its limit and stopped cooperating. I sat on the edge of the bed and the papers were still pressed against my chest and Stefan was still looking at me with that expression and I just. Broke. Not quietly. Not composed. The kind of crying that had been waiting behind six weeks of smiling and planning and making lists and pretending that everything was fine because everyone around me already had too much to carry and I refused to be another thing.

"You don’t know what it’s like to carry this... this thing inside you every day. To feel it consuming your whole being while you try to act like it isn't.” "Then tell me! Tell me what you’re carrying, Bridgette. Help me understand." But I couldn’t. The words were stuck in my throat, tangled with the memories I couldn’t bear to face. Instead, I turned away, wrapping my arms around myself as if I could merge the broken pieces of me together.

we chose to carry more than anything alive can survive. Zayden’s grip slipped. Just slightly because now even he couldn’t hold it all. and as the weight kept rising as everything we tried to contain threatened to tear us apart from the inside. I realized with a sharp, devastating certainty. this wasn’t about whether we could carry it. This was about how long before one of us breaks first.

But even on those days, I don’t regret choosing it. Because something irreversible has shifted. I now know what it feels like to align internally. And once you’ve felt that, dissonance becomes unbearable. He notices the weight I carry (his POV). “You look like you’re carrying something heavier,” he says. “Yes,” I reply. “But it’s mine.” He studies me. “Do you want help carrying it?” “No,” I say after a pause. “But I want you close while I do.” He nods. That’s the balance.

I’m not ready. I used to think I was unbreakable. That I could endure anything—career sabotage, heartbreak, betrayal. I thought I was built to carry burdens on my own shoulders. But this? Carrying a life inside me, knowing the man who helped create it has walked away? That’s a different kind of weight. A weight that sinks deep into bone and marrow until it feels like it belongs there. My chest tightens until it aches. I squeeze my eyes shut, but the tears sting anyway.

It would’ve been the right time. Perfect, even. And I still didn’t say it. A quiet, frustrated laugh slips out of me. “Yeah,” I muttered to myself. I closed my eyes briefly, the weight of it settling back where it always sits, heavy, constant, impossible to ignore. “It’s getting harder to carry this,” I said aloud.

Fear for me. I bring my knees back to my chest, resting my chin on them. His world feels so much bigger than mine. He carries it like a weight he doesn’t show. But I can feel it now—pressing into the edges of my life, reshaping how I move and what I notice. I want to tell him I’m stronger than I look. I want to tell him I’m not going to break. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to carry everything alone. But I don’t know if any of that is true.

“You think I want this?! I am on this ledge every day but I couldn't take the leap because I cannot leave my child to this misery! Yet my feet always leads me here!” Jadeline watched as he seemed to finally say the words he most likely never told anyone else. “What do you want me to do then?!” he yells. “This grappling weight—” Alarion hit his chest hard, over and over. “I cannot carry it any longer! I can't continue anymore! I tried—I’m trying… but I can't last anymore—I… I don't know what to do!” His voice broke.

And I no longer have the strength. ---