Novel & Cerita I Can't Control Myself

He sarcastically keeps on putting so much pressure on his words. "I didn't—" "What? Are you still going to reason out it's not you?" "I—I..." I have completely lost the words I wish to say. I wanted to tell him about the fact that I wasn't able to control myself when I shoot him. That my body moves on its own like it has its mind, yet that would only make me look more ridiculous other than pathetic. What left for me to tell then?

I have to control myself. My soon-to-be mother-in-law. I can't disrespect her because, in the end, she is still the mother of my mate. I controlled myself. Iris lives in my head rent free and now it felt as if she is the one controlling me. Like I don't get myself anymore.

And the ensuing fight that followed when I lost control of myself for a moment. “Damn it…” I closed my eyes briefly, the words coming out laced with frustration. What the hell had I been thinking? No, that was the problem. The problem was that I hadn't been thinking at all. I dragged a hand over my face and pushed myself up slowly, my head throbbed harder with the movement, a dull reminder of just how much I had let myself lose control. I wasn’t someone who lost composure in public or let my emotions dictate actions, yet—

“Then stop hurting yourself.” “It’s subconscious.” “Then make it conscious. “ “How do I do that?” “By practicing self-control and discipline so you never spiral out of what’s expected.” She shakes her head but doesn’t remove her hand from mine. As if this feels so fucking natural, like it does for me. “That’s not possible, Damien. People can get out of control sometimes. It’s what makes us human. If we were all perfect, it’d be like watching some sci-fi movie, which I don’t really like. I prefer horror.”

"Oh she's fine. The fucking heat is killing me though and it's grating on my nerves." Brent burst into laughter. "Glad my misfortune is such a comedy source for you, old man." I grumbled and he stopped. "I'm sorry, it's just hilarious. I can only imagine how that's going. So, what are you doing about it? How are you controlling it?" "That's the messed up thing, Brent. You can't control it. I'm the master of self control yet I can't fight the urge." Not that I've not tried. I've really tried with all my might but as long as Cecilia was near, my primal instinct is to TAKE. TAKE. No matter how much I tried to stop it, I always seem to end up succumbing to that instinct.

She spoke again, looking more apprehensive now. I paused for a moment, visualizing. "But this thing is certainly wrapped around my fingers, can't you see, Belletta? I find it so hard to control myself whenever I'm in such a mood. Or, should I say trance?" I said, with my heart in my mouth. I could feel my feet wobbling terribly.. the feeling was so intense, forsaking me in my world of emptiness. "Let's just be calm for now, we'll surely talk about this later. But, let's get going, we're almost late already."

I was losing control. I knew it and I could feel it deep inside of me. I feel the control slip out of my hands like skittering sand. And it was all because of one party brunette I cannot get out of my head. For a man that had business to run and things to do, things that even seven men can't handle at the same time, I was slacking off. As much as I hated it, I feel like I could not have it any other way.

She seemed to want to cry. I felt horrible. It was never my intention to push her to tears. In fact, I really meant it when I said that I'll leave her alone. But I just can't seem to control myself whenever she's involved. I find myself losing my temper and then doing something stupid. I've been doing a good job avoiding her but it's all because I haven't seen her. Immediately I see her, I lose all the so called self control that I have.

If I couldn't control myself around her then what else was she capable of making me do? “This is dangerous. I can’t allow her to have such power over me. I need to control myself.” I muttered slowly as I took deep breaths to calm my racing heart and hormones that were raging within me.

I knew that I had to control myself and that I had to stop making those lewd noises, but I just couldn’t stop myself. --To be continued…