I Can't Control Myself 소설 & 이야기

My brain is dead, so as my body. But if that is true, then what should I do? Should I distance myself from everyone and start living on my own now? Should I hurt myself or should I be selfish and keep them even though I already know the trouble that I can and I will cause? I still don't know my abilities, all I know is that it comes out every time that I'm mad at anyone, but I don't know how to make it go out and how to make it work. I know nothing about this that's why controlling it will be so hard for me.

I was afraid of going to the doctor and finding out that I had something serious about me that was making me the way I was lately. It was about sex; I was no longer able to control my body. Recently, I was feeling excited very easily, just seeing a body that attracted me made me want to touch myself, imagining that body on me. I knew I should control myself, that's why I was smoking more often, but I couldn't say that to Mariano. I couldn't tell him that even though he broke into my ass this morning, I wanted more. Furthermore, I couldn't tell him that I was smoking to try to control my desire to grab that dick of his that was lying soft on his belly.

I have lost my sanity and good judgment; all because of one stupid boy. I ponder my plausible remedy for the disease that plagues me. If I can only indulge these illegal desires, the fulfillment will lead to a permanent release from the curse. I have no reasoning for this, no logical proof that this will be the case. But I must break free of these chains, no matter what. But it's best to exercise restraint. Maybe training myself to ignore these animal impulses will help more than giving in to this emotional nonsense. I always thought I had above-average control over my impulses, well, at least until I entered this new world.

"Not when I'm this close to losing control. Not when I'm hanging on a rope that's thinner than your fucking underwear." Her breath catches. I see the flicker in her eyes, the way her legs moves, squeezing together like she's trying to suppress what's already flooding through her. Fuck. Fuck and Fuck. She's making me loose my sanity. Loose my mind. Losse every bit of my self. I fucking don't know what I want anymore. I'm fuckimg loosing control... And I hate this. Control. It's the only thing that's ever made sense to me.The tight grip, the sharp edges, the power of restraint. It's how I've survived, how I've ruled, how I've kept myself from falling apart.

I had put myself into her state and considering the way that rogue's talked to me about what they had done to her made me angry that I could barely control myself. I feel bad about not being able to control myself when all of this started. I knew that all this wouldn't have happened if I was able to control myself and I feel guilty for that. I feel the need to be reprimanded but I knew that no one would have the guts to do that. I know that everyone is terrified of me but I don't want that to happen.

I don’t understand what is happening. There has only ever been one other time that I felt this out of control. I may have a temper, and I am definitely no pillar of self-control. But I always knew what I was doing and why. When I got angry and when I lashed out, I could always pull it back to a single moment, the reason or the cause of my outburst was never unknown. But this. This dream, this unnerving feeling that I have. I can’t trace it to any one thing. It is making me question myself. And I swore to never do that again.

“He found me through the bond we shared, and it was terrifying to see that distance didn’t make any difference. No matter how far I run, they can always find me. I swore not to use the ability anymore because I don’t know how to control it. I’ve been trying to find a switch or something—anything—that helps me regulate it, but I don’t think there’s anyone who’s experienced something like this. So, I decided I would never let it happen.” “If you don’t know how to control it, why do you think you’d be able to stop it from happening?”

I control my business with so much ease but there isn't much controlling my emotions. I am slowly loosing my mind and there's nothing I could do about it.

“I’m trying to help you control it!” “NO!” I screamed, stepping away from him and back into the street. “You’re trying to control me. And I’m the one with the problem, ok?” I backed away from him, tears once more pouring down my cheeks. “You can’t cure it. You can’t control it. I need to fix ME. You can’t fix me. Nobody can but ME. GOT IT?”

The only person who looks at me and sees past the money and the power to the mess underneath. "Then why does it feel like I'm losing myself?" My voice cracked. Why do I look in the mirror and not recognize the woman looking back? Why can't I remember the last time I made a decision that was just mine, without considering what you'd think or how you'd react? His hand tightened on mine. Because I've been suffocating you. Not intentionally, but effectively. And I don't– He stopped, jaw working. "I don't know how to stop. How to care about you without trying to control everything around you."