Novel & Cerita I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All

Richard Pain is the only thing on my mind right now. The only thing that I can feel right now is pain. It consumes my thoughts and engulfs my senses, leaving no room for anything else. Every moment is a reminder of the agony that courses through my body, making it impossible to escape its relentless grip. "How is he still alive?" I heard one of the guards speak in a hushed whisper, as if unable to comprehend the extent of my suffering.

They more than half filled the empty nothingness she felt, the emptiness that she'd spent almost half her life running from. How can you miss pain? She'd asked herself the question a thousand times. Dani didn't consider herself a masochist. But in this case, what came when the pain was so great that her brain shut it off and snapped up a wall so that she couldn't feel it anymore, was somehow worse than the pain itself. And after all these years she still wasn't sure she understood how dangerous the feeling of nothingness really was. It was always when she felt nothing that she ended up getting seriously hurt.

“I’m freezing,” I mumble to whoever might be listening. In fact, I’m so cold that I feel like I might freeze to death. But I don’t want to be too dramatic. “And I’m in so much pain,” I continue. “Oh my god.” I groan in the worst way as I squirm under the harsh hand of pain. I can’t help but be dramatic now. The more I surface to full consciousness, the worse I feel. And it’s the kind of horrible feeling that I just can’t keep inside.

“... but we were left all alone. We know the pain, so… we just try to be there even when we’re just being a nuisance.” “I am not hurting. I thought I would break apart, tear internally so badly that the emotional pain would be enough to kill me, but right now… I just feel… I feel… nothing. The thing that makes me more angry and hate myself is — not being able to feel anything at all…”

Everything hurts. There is nothing in my body that is untouched by pain. I hear voices around me and I don't entirely care if they are nurses or people who think of themselves as being close to me, but I don't want to wake up yet. The pain is too much and my mind slips back into nothingness. ***

Or would he look at me and feel nothing? Thoughts of him leaving me filled my mind, and I cried out in emotional as well as physical pain, grasping onto the soggy grass beneath me, snot dribbling out of my nose and down my chin. Was I going to bleed to death before anyone could find me? I wouldn't allow that to happen. I wouldn't allow myself to die this way. Forcing myself up onto my knees, I hunched over, clutching onto my body, wanting to comfort myself. My entire being was on fire, and it felt as if I was being burned alive, the pain indescribable. I would much rather take any of the experiments the lab workers had subjected me to a thousand times over than feel the pain I was currently

It couldn’t be normal to feel like this. My mates, my wonderful men were stood there talking… FUCKING TALKING while I’m suffering. “Just- just,” I pant heavily, wearily, “put. The. Fire. Out. Now.” I felt alive but weak, a live wire but suffering all at once. It was a heady yet tormenting mix and I couldn’t control my body nor my mouth. “Just fucking do it already! SHUT UP AND DO SOMETHING!” I was becoming impatient. I couldn’t concentrate on what Derrick or Douglas were saying. All I could think of, feel, see was the excruciating pain seeping through my veins.

“Then why does it feel like I am? Why do I feel like everything is my fault?” He rubbed my arm slowly. “Because pain lies to us. It tells us we are guilty when we are not. It tells us we are weak when we are strong. I know you cannot see it right now, but I see it for you. You are not guilty of anything. You are not weak. You are still here, even with all this pain, and that means you are stronger than anyone I know.” I shook my head as fresh tears came. “I just want to go home. I do not want to be here anymore. I do not want to fight anymore. I want it all to stop.”

The doctor said all this to emphasize that despite not having pain sounding like a good thing, it was actually something very painful. Only people who experienced it would understand that kind of pain. Blair listened to the doctor’s words and nodded thoughtfully, his sharp features unreadable. However, his other hand hidden under the covers clenched into a tight fist. He thought of the time when Mable scalded her hand in the hotel room kitchen. Then, her wrist got dislocated tonight... It turned out that having no sense of pain was such a painful thing. Blair lowered his eyes, his heart clenching.

It couldn’t be normal to feel like this. My mates, my wonderful men were stood there talking… FUCKING TALKING while I’m suffering. “Just- just,” I pant heavily, wearily, “put. The. Fire. Out. Now.” I felt alive but weak, a live wire but suffering all at once. It was a heady yet tormenting mix and I couldn’t control my body nor my mouth. “Just fucking do it already! SHUT UP AND DO SOMETHING!” I was becoming impatient. I couldn’t concentrate on what Dec or Deac were saying. All I could think of, feel, see was the excruciating pain seeping through my veins.