Novel & Cerita I Know I Deserve More I Just Never Said It

“But I’m done pretending I’m okay with being the secret. I’m done pretending I don’t deserve more. I’m done pretending I don’t want more.” He smiled—small, proud. “That’s a start.”

MADEA "I know, Madea. I know you deserve better." I raised my head, the movement feeling heavy, as if my neck could barely support the weight of my own grief. I stared at him, my vision blurring for a split second before I hardened my gaze. "What do you know about what I deserve?" I asked. My voice didn't shake, but it felt hollow, like an echo in an empty room. I let out a sharp, jagged scoff. "Really? You don’t know the first thing about me. So, please... excuse me."

“I’m serious.” For the first time since seeing the video, my voice felt steady and clear. “I can’t keep doing this,” I continued. “Waiting for him. Excusing everything. Pretending I’m okay with being second.” “You were never second,” Sophia said quickly. I gave her a small look. “Then what was I?” She had no answer, exactly. I turned away from the counter and leaned back against it, folding my arms. “I deserve better than this,” I said, more to myself than to her.

“I know this isn’t what I wanted. But I don’t think what I want should come before what you deserve.” My throat tightens. I blink hard. I hate that he’s saying the right things now. I hate that a part of me wants to reach through the screen and shake him and another part wants to curl into his chest and pretend none of this happened. “You deserve a love that doesn’t ask you to shrink. Or wait. Or forgive things that break you quietly.” I stare at the wall for a long time. I type. Delete. Type again. Okay. Just that. One word. Cold. Safe.

I certainly deserve this. *

, she said, “You are strong, hot, with a beautiful heart, don't let this break you.” Her beautiful words made my heart beat so hard and fast in my chest, for the first time I felt like I was worth something. I deserve love and to be loved. People's opinions will not break me but instead I'll be better, do better. This is the perfect opportunity for a clean slate, I will not talk down to myself anymore, no I am meant for better. “I deserve better”, I said at the back of my mind. “I told you, you deserve the world”, Willow answers with glee.

“You deserve to be happy. You don’t need to be saddled up with someone like me.” Something flashed in Emerson’s eyes, and Asher realized it too late. “You’re right. I don’t deserve that. I deserve someone that’s there for me, someone that loves me as much as I love him. I deserve someone that will work harder toward his goal to heal himself like I’ve done. I deserve to be seen, and I deserve to feel like I matter.” “I agree with that. You deserve more.”

But needing her only reminds me of what I don’t deserve. Lia is sweet, kind, with a light that shines so bright. and everything I could never be. She deserves someone who can give her that light back, someone who could give her the love she’s worthy of, someone capable of feeling everything she brings out. I want to be that person for her. God, I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything, but I know it’s impossible. I can’t love her the way she deserves to be loved.

Someone who would care, something that I wasn't able to experience since Harris left. But I knew that I need to continue my plan. And certainly knew that I should be stern in avoiding him. “If I could think of a better word to say that I deserve to suffer, then I would gladly say it to you. But for now, that's my only answer to your question.” I smiled faintly at him. “I deserve everything. Every scar, every pain, every droplet of blood escaping my body, and a lot more.” “You’re wrong on that,” he replied. “No one deserves to suffer like how you're punishing yourself.”

“You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready. But you can’t shut us out like this. We’re here for you, Ian. All of us.” Her words cut deeper than I expected, the sincerity in her voice was both comforting and unbearable. I didn't deserve her kindness, her love. I never did. “I don’t deserve it,” I muttered, more to myself than to her. Kat frowned, taking a step closer. “What are you talking about? You deserve everything idiot.” I shook my head, clenching my hands at my sides. “This party... everything... it’s all too much. I don’t deserve it. I never did. Why do you have to be so nice to me? Why can't you be like the others?”