I Know I Deserve More I Just Never Said It Novels & Stories

I didn’t know how to react; I just wanted to cry out all the confusing emotions. “I know I’m not enough to keep you here, and I’m not pretending to be.” “Ezra,” I started, “I don’t deserve you. I’m not worthy of you. I never will be.” The truth of those words sliced through me. He was someone that fought to be good, that was good. My moral compass was smashed the day I knelt in my parent's blood. “You are more than enough,” I went on. Why didn’t he see that? He was incredible; he was good and kind, and caring. “But I don’t deserve to keep you-”

She didn't say anything but pulled me in a tight hug and patted my back. "I don't deserve to live,i deserve to die, i deserve to die alone, i deserve to rot in sadness."i sobbed,i meant It, I didn't deserve to live,i am an horrible child who killed it's own mother when she gave birth to me, i was weak, couldn't even protect myself against all the dangers I have been through. "No, you deserve it Rica, you deserve everything called happiness in this world, you have people who don't want you dead, there are people who can't live without you,"

But something in her posture is lighter. She turns to me before stepping forward. “I don’t know what to say.” I shake my head. “Don’t say anything. Just go.” A long pause. Then, softer—“I don’t deserve this.” I nod. “No, you don’t. But maybe one day you will.”

How could I have done that to her? I destroyed her future, she must loathe me so much now, I deserve this, I deserve everything that's happening to me, “I deserve it” I kept on whispering to myself, till everything turned dark.

“I forgive myself… for loving someone who didn’t love me right.” Her voice steadied slightly. “I forgive myself… for not knowing my worth then.” Silence filled the room. But it wasn’t heavy anymore. It was… freeing. Zara leaned closer, her eyes locked on Maya’s. “Now say this,” she said. Maya blinked. “Say what?” Zara’s voice was firm. “I deserve better.” Maya hesitated. Zara didn’t move. “Say it.” Maya swallowed. “I… deserve better.” Zara shook her head slightly.

That part hurt more. “But loving him isn’t the same as being loved back.” I paused. Then straightened my spine. “And you deserve both.” I said it again. Louder this time. “I deserve both.” Because I needed to start believing it. Even if my body screamed otherwise. Even if my heart hadn’t caught up yet. Even if every part of me still felt like it belonged in his arms.

She wants to cry out loud. " Who said you don't deserve me? You came into my life as the breeze of winter, I found you as a threat thinking my grandma is loving someone stranger than me. But soon you became my warmth of summer afternoon. I wasn't like this. I didn't know what could make me happy. I was dead inside. Until you came into my life. I don't know what I deserved. But meeting you and having you, I don't think I deserved to get such a beautiful gift. You are my everything. You deserve every single one of my love. I love you, Leona. So much that I can't imagine my life for a second. I swear!"

“I… I'm only apologizing for what happened—” “And then you can just use someone as you like, and then tell them no all of a sudden, like what I feel doesn't matter. Like I don't deserve it as well.” “Deserve what, Olive?” “You! Like I don't deserve you!”

“You okay?” “Yeah,” I say, giving her a smile, but I know she can tell it’s not a real smile. “Just thinking.” “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she says. There it is. There is my opening to try and get this out and hopefully still come out not looking like too much of an ass. I take a deep breath and dive in. “Yeah, I know, but I think that you deserve to know.” She turns better to face me and I am struck by how beautiful she is. I totally don’t deserve her in any way, and if she walks away after everything that I

“I don’t deserve that.” “No,” I said, steady and sure. “You don’t. That’s not what choosing someone means.”