I Miss The Old Me Novels & Stories

It felt like a moment out of time. Levi turned toward me a little. “I realize I forgot to ask one very important question. Do you ever miss your old life?” I thought about that. The diner down the street from my house. My mom’s humming on Saturday mornings. The sound of a basketball bouncing on the pavement when Shawn used to come by before things fell apart. “I do,” I said quietly. “Sometimes. I miss the version of me that didn’t know about any of this. The girl who only had to worry about prom or getting into college.”

I struggled to open the door but it was fruitless "You think I don't miss me...I miss the old smiling me....I miss the girl who'd wake up with a family" I heard her whimpered a little "But that me is gone"

Everything I had been holding inside for weeks, fear, grief, anger, exhaustion cracked open all at once. I bent forward in the chair, gasping for air. I missed them. God, I missed them so much. I missed my mother humming softly in the kitchen while she baked late at night. I missed my father pretending not to cry whenever I showed him a new design. I missed hearing my name spoken with love instead of obsession. And more than anything… I missed the girl I used to be before all of this. Before Dante. Before underground bunkers and armed guards and being watched every second of the day.

I remember coming to this side of the town with my mom when she wanted to buy garden stuff. Everything used to be brighter here, Sissi used to run with me around the corners so my mom would have to run after her. Memories keep flooding my mind and I notice that I miss the girl I used to be. I miss the girl that wasn’t worried all the time, the girl that wished she would become a mom someday. The girl loved to help her mom bake. I am definitely not her anymore.

"Not because of anything that happened, just because it was, I don't know. Simple. Before either of us had anything real to lose." "We didn't know how good we had it." "No. We really didn't." He was quiet for a second, looking out at the darkening park instead of at me. "I miss you, Mia. Not, like, in a complicated way. Just you. The person you were before all of this. The person I was before all of this too, honestly." My throat tightened. "I miss that too. All the time."

Looking offended when I laughed at him. Then laughing too. I stare at the photo until my vision blurs. Tears slip out quietly. I don’t even wipe them. “Why do I still miss you?” I whisper into the empty room. No answer. Just the hum of the fridge. And then the truth lands so suddenly it knocks the air out of me. I don’t miss marriage. I miss him. The realization scares me. Because now I know what I want. And I don’t know if I’m too late.

Even my future. Yes, I was still one of the top students in my course. On paper, I was doing well. But deep down, I knew the truth. I had begun to lose focus. I had become possessive, consumed by us, holding on so tightly to what we had that I had slowly let go of everything else that once mattered to me. And by the time I realized it, I had already lost more than I ever intended to. Then it hit me. It was time to find my way back to the person I used to be. The old me.

Old me would have ended this conversation in blood already. “I met someone,” I began. “By chance. She opened something in me, something I didn’t think I still had. The old me... I would’ve painted this camp red by now. Would’ve taken heads and mounted them along my borders just to make a point. But it’s different now. We’re stepping into a new world, and acceptance, however bitter it tastes, seems to be the way forward.” Her expression didn’t change for a long moment, then slowly, a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. It wasn’t kind.

Not even Jaxon with one of his crude memes or voice notes saying “I miss that mouth.” Maybe they’ve moved on. Maybe I was just a tool. Maybe I left too soon. Maybe I stayed too long. I press play on my music. The playlist I made when I first escaped the cabin. Every song sounds wrong now. Except one. “I Miss the Misery” – Halestorm. I close my eyes. Let it bleed into my ears like a confession. Because God, I do. I miss the misery. I miss the pain that meant I was still tethered to them. I miss being somebody’s anything, even if it meant I belonged to the wrong people.

“old friend, old friend, old friend....” It kept reverberating in my head. Remorse suddenly struck my heart like bolts of thunder. Deep waves of guilt and curiousity suddenly drowned me; Thus, quenching the anger that burned my heart like a blazing inferno into embers of concern. “Mom," I managed to mumbled, glanced at her face and swallowed hard. “Mom, I want to be that old me. But I can't. I don't even know who I was, so how can I be who I know nothing about?”