I Miss The Old Me 소설 & 이야기

My shoulders convulsed as the dam in me broke. "I don't know how I'm going to be able to walk back into that building like nothing ever happened. Like I wasn't the girl who was dragged through the mud and spat back out," I said, blowing my nose on a tissue. "People are going to stare. They're going to talk. And I just—I don't know if I have the energy for it anymore." I gazed into Oliver's face—so still, so calm, so far away. "I miss you, you know?" My voice broke once more. "I miss you speaking sense into me when I lose mine. You always were the reasonable one. Always the one who kept me upright. You'd know what to say to me. You'd know how to remind me of myself."

I made new friends, including Danielle and a few regular customers who always brightened my day. But despite the small victories, I still felt a sense of emptiness. I missed my old and slow life, the familiar faces, and routines that I had left behind. I missed Heather, and I even missed my ex-boyfriend, Jake. I missed my dad, who had always been my biggest cheerleader. And I missed the feeling of being in love, the warmth and comfort that came with having someone to share my life with. One day, as I was closing the shop, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but something compelled me to answer.

"It doesn't mean anything else. I just remember an old figure who was present in my life. Like a butterfly that has never met a friend. And you know, I feel very empty in my life right now!" "I just wanted to say. How are you? I miss you!" ~Next Chapter~ ________________ ___________________

"What about me?" "You were a princess… You have everything at your disposal, you have all the comforts in the world but..." "Enough May, I don't wanna talk about the past anymore." I seethed, trying to end the topic. The morning is too good to be ruined by my past, everything is in the past now and it should remain so... Yeah, I miss my old life but I'm living a better one now.

I’ve got so many questions about our dinner night and other things yet I choose to ignore finding the answers. Is this what we call fear? Is it possible I’m afraid of something that I don’t want to accept as a reality so I choose to bask in the moment rather than doing what the old me would do? I have no answer to this and it’s shocking. Who is the old me? The old me was a ruthless punk who preyed on weaker beings. Sometimes. Deep inside, there was a human who yearned to be seen and be free and now I’ve got that freedom, I guess part of me doesn’t want to ruin it by reading too deep into situations.

Would I rather be chained again but still happy or free but unhappy? I don't know. I don't know anymore. If only Mother was here... If only she didn't died... If only she's here... I will never be this way. Everything won't be like this. Everything... will stay the same. How I miss the old times. When we're happily living altogether. I can still picture our memories together perfectly. How my father treats me more than a Princess... How he let me do all the things I want. How he rides my jokes and puns. How he hangs out with me. Without any guards. Just us, me, him, and Mother. I miss the old times I will never bring back.

I want to see his reaction. It took the flight for almost five hours before I landed back here in Florida. The cab just brought me here in Jacksonville and I'm now here standing in front of our house. I looked around our place but I never felt any feeling that I miss to be here. Maybe it's because I don't want to be here anymore. I am now back at the old life that I forgot and that is where I belong, not here. Ding dong! Ding dong!

Due to our enhanced biology, we rarely got sick and rarely felt symptoms of anything, but the news the council gave me seemed to have changed that. I stumbled, my hand catching on the door to balance myself as a dizzy spell came over me. I paused, more to steady my racing heart and calm my fraying nerves than anything else. For the first time in a long time, I missed Wade. I missed how we used to be. The man he used to be. I missed how we could talk about everything. How he was always present even if he was far away. I wished there was someone I could talk to, someone I could pour my heart –

"Honestly, my life was boring a month ago. My biggest concern was my cheating ex-boyfriend." That made him chuckle under his breath. The sound startled me more than it should have. "You miss your old life?" he asked quietly. The question lingered longer than expected. I thought about Emily and my tiny apartment, about instant noodles at midnight. About crying over betrayal instead of fighting supernatural creatures trying to kill me. And yet… "I miss the peace," I admitted honestly. "But I don't think I can ever go back to being that version of myself anymore." Something shifted in his eyes after hearing that. Maybe guilt or relief. Like he hated himself for changing me while simultaneously

Before loss taught us how fragile everything was. I brushed a tear from her cheek gently. "A year ago, we were different people." "Yeah." A pause. "Do you miss them?" The question surprised me. I thought about it carefully. Long enough that she noticed. Then finally— "No." Her eyebrows lifted. "No?" I shook my head. "They were happier." A pause. "But they weren't honest." Silence. Because she understood exactly what I meant. The old versions of us hid fear. Hid need. Hid love.