Novel & Cerita Jika Aku Salah Beritahu Aku

"I'm sorry I hurt you," ________

I didn’t ask for this to happen, or even expect it. “Sorry, that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have said that. What did you do?” Now here is the thing. Do I tell her the version I told Jackson, or do I admit to her that he drove me wild just by standing there? I have to tell someone, and she is the only one I can truly trust, and maybe telling someone will help get rid of his image in my mind.

If I had known right from the start, I would have never made any stupid mistakes. Now, I needed to bear the brunt of it while still hoping that one of these days, I would be able to get out of this mess. "How are you coping with the information? I know that it might not be very easy but it is all dependent on how you see it." My friend Julie spoke. Assistant Julie also sat at my table looking at me with sympathy in her eyes. "I don't even know what to say concerning this regarding the fact that you have been the one always guiding me so far so I know that it is just a huge mistake."

"Nevermind.." Yes, I am too coward. I am sorry if I failed myself.

She's right. I should've told her sooner. If I did told her sooner, everything shouldn't have turned out to be like this. She's right, it's my fault. I'm wrong for lying to her. I'm wrong for fooling her. I'm wrong for not telling to her the truth. I should've told her sooner. I should've been braver. I should've been the best guy for her. But then, I did lied. And I admit, it's my fault.

Consequently, I pour my heart out, but all she does is lecture me further. “If you know that you were wrong, you should stop blaming others for your mistakes.”

“Whether you want to listen or not doesn’t matter. Just let me say what I know. If you’ve been hurt before, I’m telling you now—you’ll get hurt worse if you don’t hear me out.” “Why would I—” “I know I wronged you before. And maybe this is my way of making up for it—just a little. I don’t care if you believe me or not. I just need to warn you while there’s still time. Whether you act on it or not, that’s up to you. But at least let me try.”

But I was wrong. I am always wrong about many things. It's no longer shocking to even think that nothing could hurt more than what happened to me last night. Because I gave myself permission to hope once more. I allowed myself to hold onto the belief that telling him the truest truth about the real story would make him soft for me again. But just like how it always works for me and my fucked up life, I was wrong. It never worked my way again no matter how I wanted it to. "I'm sorry..."