Online Dating Funny Quotes Novels & Stories

He needs a wife. NOW. With his hockey season on the line, he can’t afford any distractions. And a dating reality show is one huge distraction. But there's a surefire way to get out of this dating show contract. All he has to do now is get married. Even with a reputation like him–the Scottish bad boy of hockey–I'm confident I can find someone to play Mrs. Taylor Savage for a year. Like Becca Barnes. The one who got away. Too bad she hates me. But that's why she’s perfect for this arrangement. When her contract is dissolved. She gets the bakery of her dreams. Win-Win. She just has to live with me and pretend she loves me in public for a year. No strings. No touching (unless there’s a camera). No messy heartbreak. It’s sure to be a challenge because with the way I crave her, keeping my hands to myself might be harder than I intended. But he can handle the matter. Being married to her will be easy. As long as he doesn't fall in love with her along the way.

After receiving the report for an STD test, I went back to the barbeque restaurant, and there I ran into a young woman who was about three months pregnant. She asked me to let her cut in line, and, feeling sorry for her, I agreed to help her out. I quickly made arrangements for her and made sure she had a seat. But to my shock, after she finished her meal, she had a miscarriage. The girl posted about the incident online, and before I knew it, I was trending on social media, facing a wave of cyberbullying. The internet users went even further, digging up my health records and finding that everything came back positive. [She's positive for everything—she's clearly a woman with a messy private life!] [No wonder she caused the woman's miscarriage just by being near her—she's a biological hazard!] The cyberbullying got so bad that it pushed me into depression. Even my fiancé turned against me, accusing me of being filthy and breaking up with me. The emotional weight became too much, and in my pain, I drove straight into a reservoir. Meanwhile, the girl gained millions of followers online and skyrocketed to fame as a popular influencer. It was only after I died that I learned the shocking truth—this girl was my fiancé's first love. To boost her own popularity, she and my fiancé had come up with this entire scheme together. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself back on the day when she asked me to let her cut in line.

Gwen is a rogue who hates pack wolves. After her parents were brutally murdered by their pack for a crime they did not commit, Gwen has had nothing but hatred in her heart. On a night hunt, Gwen encounters the legendary rogue killer, Alpha Liam. A man who hates rogues with every fibre of his being. However, the moon goddess likes to play funny games. Liam and Gwen are mates. But this bond does not stop their hatred for each other. Liam takes her back to his pack, unable to leave her but hateful of her existence. He offers Gwen a deal. They would be mated for as long as it took for her to produce an heir. The rogue and alpha are dancing on the thin line between lust, love and hate. Can they pretend for long?

After a 12-year absence, Austin returns to the horse farm in Wyoming she has always considered her true home. But things have changed, and the farm she inherited comes with some enemies - one of them being the Carter family. Cortland Carter now handles his family's affairs and is determined to get the water rights back from his neighbor, who won them from his grandfather in a poker game. Fate has a funny way of bringing people together, and when Austin saves Cortland's niece, the two finally meet. Despite the feud between their families, they both feel a mutual attraction that cannot be denied. But with their families at odds, is there any hope for a future together? "Coming Home" is a heartwarming tale of love and betrayal.

A security guard caught a snake in our apartment complex and delivered it straight to my door. I was just about to scream when floating comments cut in. [The male lead got dumped and turned back into his real form just to spy on his girlfriend, and he actually got caught? This is funny as hell!] [He got dumped, and his girlfriend hates him. He's probably gonna cry himself to sleep!] [Aww, poor little snake can't curl up on his girlfriend tonight.] The big black snake looked pitiful in the guard's hands. It secretly sized me up with its slit pupils. I tried holding out my hand, and the black snake stared in disbelief. Two seconds later, it obediently rubbed its head against my fingers.

After his boyfriend broke up with him because he was too conservative, Harris decided to go on a dating site to find a guy. Harris and a mysterious man have a one-night stand, then, to his astonishment, Harris discovers that that person is his new boss! The boss raised Harris' chin, threateningly and provocatively: "Aren't you looking for a man to have sex with? I will satisfy you!"

Bianca needs a refuge. She ends at a weird place… the « Crossroads café » well named as it stands in the middle of nowhere and manage to get a job there. Little did she knows that the Crossroads café is the place in between packs… the only space where différents groups of werewolves can stop to take a break.

Wanting a one-night fairytale, Joanna Yoder, attends the Hudson Masquerade Charity Ball. With her face hidden behind a mask, she played the role of a wealthy heiress named Clarice Cameron. When heartthrob playboy, Trevor Hudson, sweeps her off her feet, Joanna goes with the flow since she has had a crush on him for years. After being every New York heiresses' fantasy since he was a teenager, Trevor finally finds the one. What he doesn't know is that the woman he loves is a fraud - and his maid.

Alexandra, or as she prefers, Alex is a seventeen year old delinquent with a liking for trouble and deviance. A teenager with a rap sheet and a tendency for poor anger management, she is known for illegal street fighting and gang activities. Now attending one of her father's schools for closer supervision, she has her mind set on bringing him down to his knees. There was only one thing standing in her way, and it was Alec Hawford. Her rivalry and biggest competition. Things just got real. Secrets will reveal themselves and questions will be answered. You might say, hell will break loose with the two enemies under one roof. Understatement of the century. Lets just say Satan better start getting his resumes ready, because there is a new devil coming to town.

The older sister of Emma LaRue wasn't looking for love. In fact, the last thing Kaylee LaRue thought as she attended her sister's Caribbean wedding was that she would meet a man as confident as Owen Parker. The suave businessman oozed charm, and when that charm was directed at Kaylee, it gave her pause. She couldn't be sure if the man was actually interested in her or just interested in a good time. In reality, Owen Parker had never met anyone like Kaylee LaRue. The quiet girl from Iowa made him forget to breathe the first time he saw her. When he tried to work his magic, her wit proved to be a match for his, and his charms had no effect. He knew what it looked like- she probably thought that he wanted to have a vacation tryst with her just as Jack Saunders had with Emma. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Kaylee tried hard not to yield to his advances, but their last night in the Caribbean was simply magical. After a passionate night spent in the arms of Owen, Kaylee ruefully observed that there was no fake wedding to keep the two of them together. As she flew home, she thought it'd be back to the same old life for her. She never expected Owen to show up at her door. However, this small town girl wasn't sure she was ready to change for this city boy. When Kaylee tried to fit into Owen's world, everything came crashing down. In the blink of an eye, what seemed like a strong foundation suddenly found itself built on a pillar of sand. Would their relationship blossom like Jack and Emma's, or would the two of them forever be haunted by the memories of rainwater kisses?