Online Dating Funny Quotes Novels & Stories

Elyana interrupted. "Even if you miss me, you won't hug me when we meet after a long time?" Quintin asked, pretending to sulk on the other line. "Yes, I won't still hug you. Your hug can make girls pregnant, you know. You are dangerous!” Elyana jokingly replied, causing Quintin to burst into laughter because he knew how charismatic he was.

"Not competing just... sorry for being a dick last night. Heavens, take her pain and give it to me, my love, for I cannot bear to see you suffer." I froze, pulling back to stare at him. "What? Heavens what? Did you just quote a soap opera?" He grinned sheepish, ears red now. "Yeah, watched some clips online thought it sounded romantic, like those dramatic guys on TV. 'My darling, your tears are daggers to my soul let me mend your broken heart with my eternal devotion.'" I cracked up so hard I snorted, falling back on the towel, him hovering over me laughing too. "Oh God, stop you sound like a bad actor! 'Eternal devotion'? Who talks like that?"

A few days later and I realized that online dating was my newest form of comedy. I had not found anyone yet that I was even remotely interested in dating on the site. I had received more dick pictures than one could ever want. I also had plenty of offers of guys wanting to quote “tap that ass” amongst other derogatory statements. I did have a few conversations that began really good, but there always seemed to be something that just did not vibe the farther we talked. Like one guy I was really enjoying talking to decided to let me know that he does not like kids, obviously him and I had no real future because I have kids. At this point, I am starting to think that there is no one out there f

"Definitely serious relationship. I want someone who takes me seriously from the first date." "Okay. 'Verdanian in London looking for a serious relationship with someone who appreciates wine, smart conversation, and…'" She paused, waiting. "And who doesn't lie about their height on the profile?" I suggested. "Too specific. What about 'sense of humor'?" "Everyone puts sense of humor. It's cliché." "Because everyone wants someone funny, Annie. It's a basic requirement."

I traced a constellation with a glint in my eyes, “It’s my motto, maybe you should make it yours too” I tilted my head to give him a genuine smile. I saw his wheels turning in his head for a while through his green orbs, then he broke into small chuckles, shaking his head. I blinked my eyes as to why he was laughing. We were talking serious things right before he began chortling. Did I say something funny? “Why’re you laughing?” I asked. He silenced his chuckles to look at me biting his lips preventing any more. “No wonder you were called the ‘Quote Schmuck’” he quoted.

"I'm not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" "You need to stop quoting Chandler Bing, you ain't getting laid like that." He said and now I was the one blushing because he wasn't wrong, I am a shy, sarcastic cunt wad and have yet to find my mate, which sucks...seeing as everyone else in my family has, but I'm not gonna complain, I'm happy for em'. "What's up, mate?" "I-I wanna get married to Der, but I'm too shy to propose, I feel like I'd screw everything up, stumbling on my words, poor planning I'd just-"

“Adele’s living her dream, and he’s out there trying to convince guests that two stars are the new luxury.” “Actually, he wouldn't be crying alone. He has a failed supermodel mistress too. I wonder how they'd be crying right now. Hugging and crying, coddling and crying, kissing and crying, or f*cking and crying?🤔” laughing emojis roared. This particular comment exploded online within minutes. It appeared everywhere, had the most repost, most likes, most memes…evetything. People quote-tweeted it with captions like “Best comment of the century” and “This person needs a raise!” The thread turned into a full-on comedy festival at Ryan’s expense.

<<"Lol. You are crazy man. You will find a virgin soon." >>"...Or after you done with Emily, I can use her. Lol #bad jokes" <<"Cool man. She'd no longer be a virgin for you #😜 " >>"Shame.. Shame.. Gotta go now." >>"Hey bro, she said she is coming for more 🍆"

He laughs but shuts up. “Ok, listen, while we are on the topic of quotes, I have some funny, sarcastic ones,” he says and opens his phone to read some. “Two wrongs, don’t make a right, take your parents as an example,” I laugh. I can use it on anyone who messes with my friends. “Tell me more,” I urge him. “Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs,” I chuckle.

I mean look at me. " You totally got us there for a sec " Shawn said and chuckled " I'm serious guys " I said getting pissed " Dude stop the joke, doesn't sound funny coming from you. You are a ladies bro, you are a legend dude " kelvin said. " I look up to you ! " Curt said and drank from his can of beer. " Why aren't you laughing ? " Curt asked Cole. " Because I actually don't see what's funny " he answered honestly. I don't see what's funny about what I said too, I mean I love someone.