Shame A Novel 소설 & 이야기

Liam felt a weight in his chest that seemed to grow heavier with each passing moment as he delved deeper into the contents of the box. The revelations he was discovering about his great-great-grandfather's actions and intentions were crushing him, suffocating him with a sense of shame and guilt that seemed to grow with each page he turned. He had always been proud of his heritage, proud of the fact that he was a Lycan, but now that pride was turning into something else entirely - a deep sense of shame that threatened to overwhelm him completely.

LUCIAN The shame was like a stone in my heart. Not a sharp one. A smooth, heavy one that sat right behind my ribs and made it hard to breathe. Every time the carriage hit a rut, the stone shifted, and the pain flared white-hot behind my eyes. But the shame was worse than the pain. The pain was mine. I’d earned it. The shame belonged to her. To Isla. Because I’d promised. I’d looked her in the eye, my mark on her skin, and told her I’d never let anyone take her again.

In my regained dignity. But under the shower, naked and trembling, the truth hits me. That step, I only took it because he allowed it. Because he opened the cage, for an instant, to see if the bird would come back to perch on his finger. Even leaving, I danced to his tune. Shame is an acid. It burns me from the inside, more effective than the icy water.

The memory of seven years ago becomes fresh again. After Elarion’s birth, she came to me, speaking in more parables than my heart was ready to comprehend. “At the beginning of rejection, it seems as though acceptance of shame marks its end. But in the phase of impending danger, shame becomes the very instinct of survival. If you swallow your shame whole, it becomes the very sword to your throat. Therefore, one must never cuddle the end of any peril they find themselves in.” When her words finally made sense, they became the stillness beneath my feet —

Why she had to learn about it at work, in a lobby, on a cheap television while two women who knew more about anal bleaching than world affairs got to prattle on and drool over Dylan and make comments that made her feel tiny and small and— Ashamed. God, that really was a huge part of this, wasn’t it? It had taken so much effort to overcome her feeling of discomfort at owning her own desire for both men, and here she was tentatively growing and accepting who she was and what her authentic self really needed and wanted. And it was Dylan and Mike, together as a trio that would make everyone so happy. Her shame, now, was overflowing. Shame at thinking she could really have it all. Shame at wantin

Which is even ridiculous for you when you've just almost killed a man down there but now you're embarrassed. I cut it off in one motion. His nose-scratching hand snapped down when my mouth was an inch from his. "What makes me shy?" Let's say it. I want to hear from your mouth what I don't allow myself to do.” I blew on her face to remove her hair from her face and she closed her eyes for a moment. Shame... Shame makes you hate and desire the same thing in the same way. —Wish?—she laughs...nervously— I don't wish for anything. I don't even hate you that much.

Shanaya winced in profound shame, her eyes tightly shut against the degrading words being hurled at her. She froze in Rajeev's grip, feeling like she was stripped bare in front of them. His creepy words made her sick to her stomach. All she wanted was to disappear, wishing the ground would just swallow her up. The feeling of imaginary ants crawling on her back added to her embarrassment, making it impossible for her to look anyone in the eye. She shut her eyes tight to spare herself from the disgrace.

The tea steam curled in lazy smokes between us. “I feel dirty,” I said finally. The words slipped out before I could stop them. “Like I’m covered in something I can’t wash off.” “You’re not,” he said. His voice was gentle, but firm. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I wanted to believe him. God, I really did. But shame is tricky. It sneaks in, even when you know it doesn’t belong to you. It wraps around you like smoke, until you can’t see clearly anymore.

“On that hospital bed, I wondered what you would think of me, I don't know if you would see me as ugly and a fatty because no one wants a fatty beside them.” She tried to bend her fingers again… so that it's pain would distract her from the pain that pierce her heart… but he wouldn't let her, he kept both her fingers apart. Shame washed over her, she turned her face away, “I…” She trailed off, her tears kept washing down her face. “Do you do this often?” Glancing down at her hands, Juliet, knowing what he was referring to, nodded in shame, “Look at me.” Juliet shook her head, “No, please.”

Crippling shame shudders through me, and it feels as if the ground is ripped from beneath my feet. Xander’s arms wrap around me, and as I sink to the ground, he pulls me against his chest, his body folding over mine as I shatter into a million pieces. I thought I broke when my parents died, but I was wrong. Nothing kills like the shame I’m feeling right now. It strips me of my confidence and makes me feel like a cheap toy that can be used for others' entertainment. As I weep, Xander just presses his face against the back of my neck. He doesn’t try to say anything.