This Pain Is Just Too Real の小説・ストーリー

It doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters in the way that numbers and timekeeping are supposed to matter, because the only thing that exists in the hot cell, the only thing that is real, is the heat pressing in from every direction and the pain living inside my body like something that was always meant to be there. I want to die. I keep waiting for death to come and take me but it does not. It stays just out of reach teasing me with the promise of nothing while the pain keeps me here.

he replied. Ariana nodded slightly. “That’s what I thought,” she said. A pause followed. Then she added quietly: “And that’s what makes this real.” That word stayed longer than anything else. Real. Not imagined. Not controlled. Not distant. Real. --- Oliver leaned slightly forward. “And you?” he asked. Ariana didn’t hesitate this time. “I’m trying to understand it before it affects me too much,” she said. Oliver gave a faint breath. “That doesn’t sound possible,” he replied.

So fucking real. I drop to my knees as a scream is torn out from me. Tears fall down my face as the weight of loss settles inside me like lead. The anguish of failing and failing everyone that depended on me shatters me. The pain intensifies right before everything goes black. It was just a dream, a nightmare, so why did it feel so real?

It grounds me in reality when my mind dares to stray too far. For men like me, pain isn’t just a companion—it’s a way of life. It’s what keeps me breathing, what carves me into something unbreakable. I exist in its shadow, moulded by its cruelty, wielding it as both shield and weapon. I am alive because of it. I live with it, in it. And I inflict it on others. And it never fails me. Once again, it does its job, yanking me back from the abyss—back to the present, back to her.

my mother shouts angrily, her words laced with disappointment and anger. The excruciating pain that courses through my body is relentless, unyielding, and all-consuming. It engulfs me, leaving me gasping for air, my lungs struggling to fill with each breath. The sheer intensity of the agony is overwhelming, as if a fiery inferno has been ignited within me, scorching every nerve ending and leaving me on the brink of collapse. In this moment, I am desperate for any respite, any escape from the torment that has become my reality.

But, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted desperately to offer reassurance, to ease their worry, but the words eluded me. To claim 'I am not in pain' or 'I am totally fine' would be a falsehood, transparent to them given how well they knew me—they’d catch my lie in a single blink. Therefore….Dishonesty wasn't an option, yet admitting the brutal truth—that I was in excruciating pain—was equally daunting. The agony transcended mere emotional anguish; it manifested physically, rending me apart in every sense. Despite my efforts to evade it, the pain clung to me, unyielding and merciless, a relentless force tearing me asunder without respite. I was sick and tired of it but there was no escape too…

he lets go of my hand and stands up. “I have also been in pain once, the worst day of my life.” I say hurriedly, my stare burning into his back and he stops in his tracks, “I always thought I was immune to pain especially after that day..but today, today destroyed me. My dead heart came back to life but not in a good way, it came back to life bleeding and that blood broke my very soul.” I stand up and walk slowly to him, I hold his hand again, resting my forehead on his back feeling his breathing, “pain doesn't define us Justin, it makes us stronger”

♠ 𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑛𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑔. 𝐼𝑡'𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑢𝑓𝑓𝑜𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢'� �𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑖𝑡.

She realized then that the apartment wasn't a fortress; it was a stage, and she was the solo performer in a play Jose had written. "I understand," she whispered. "Good. Now, drink. We're going to stay here until the sun comes up. I want everyone in this club to see who you belong to." Brandy picked up the glass, the cold liquid stinging her throat. She looked out at the dancing crowds, feeling more alone than she ever had in the Regal Garden. She thought of Emily, Ella, Kenzo, and Kevin sleeping soundly miles away, and she realized that the distance between her and Jose couldn't be measured in miles. It was measured in the depth of the lies she had to tell to keep her children alive.

Everything hurts. There is nothing in my body that is untouched by pain. I hear voices around me and I don't entirely care if they are nurses or people who think of themselves as being close to me, but I don't want to wake up yet. The pain is too much and my mind slips back into nothingness. ***