When Loving Him Is Hurting You Novels & Stories

“Of course.” He watches me carefully. Too carefully. “Everyone wants to hurt you,” I say, my voice trembling, “so they use me.” I wipe at my face, but the tears won’t stop. “They have my family… all because I fell in love with you.” The laugh turns into a sob halfway through. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. Why does love hurt like this? Why does loving someone feel like volunteering for destruction? “I didn’t ask for this,” I whisper. “I didn’t ask to be a pawn in your war.”

I hate him! I fucking hate him with everything I have and I hope he crashes on his stupid bike that makes him look smoking hot! Covering my face with my hands, I burst into tears. I don’t hate him. I could never hate him. I love him so fucking much that I would die for him. I’d kill for him. Why does loving someone hurt so much? Is this what men mean when they say that love is the greatest weakness one can possess? It can be one’s downfall until there is no return.

"What did I ever do to make you hate me so much? Why do you take so much satisfaction in hurting me? You belittle me, remind me of how much I'm lacking, how I'll never be enough. Why?" He opened his mouth to respond, but I couldn't bear to hear any more. The tears I had been holding back spilled over, and I turned and fled. I hated crying, hated showing him how much his words affected me. It made me feel weak and exposed. As I ran, a chilling realization hit me: I was still in love with him. Despite everything, I had never stopped loving him. It was a cruel twist of fate, loving a man who seemed to derive pleasure from my pain, who reminded me daily of how unworthy I was.

He paused. “But then he comes out of that office and he just walked past me like I was not there” Noah said nothing, he just listened. “And I don’t know if I’m more hurt by the bet or by that,” Eli said. “Which one is the thing I’m actually supposed to be upset about? Because I keep reaching for the feeling and it keeps being” he stopped trying to find his words. “Grey,” Noah said, and Eli looked at him and nodded slightly. “It’s grey,” Noah said simply. “When you care about someone and they disappointing you, it doesn’t seem sharp it just feels grey, that’s not nothing, it’s actually worse than something.”

His eyes fluttered shut like he’d been waiting for that touch for years. “Hayden,” I said finally, my voice barely more than a breath. “I never stopped loving you. I just… don’t know how to love you without hurting everyone else.” He opened his eyes slowly, glassy with tears. “Then maybe we’re already past the point of not hurting anyone.” And for a heartbeat, I almost leaned in. Almost. But then I stopped myself, swallowing hard, torn between the ache in my chest and the weight of what it meant.

When he goes to my room, I find his mind filled with different words. ‘ I love you. ’ ‘ I didn’t want to hurt you. ’ I want to convince myself that his sincerity can fill the gap between us, but it’s terrible to know that he…loved me…even back then and he still couldn’t hold back from hurting me. What does his love mean then? When it can’t even stop him from hurting me, what do I need his love for? The world darkens more as I disappear from his life. Anger, pain, and guilt mingle into an explosive mixture that plunges him into a state of madness with each passing day.

“And I know this is all confusing. But hurting yourself isn’t a way out.” He lifted his left hand, brushing his fingers against mine as I worked the bandage. “You know what really hurts?” I looked up at him. He smiled faintly, though his eyes still carried that quiet sadness. “The fact that I can’t be angry or demand anything because from the beginning, I already knew this wasn’t a simple story.” I finished the bandage. Our fingers touched. “So you’ll keep loving me? Even if it hurts?” He nodded without hesitation. “I know it hurts. I know it’s messy and heavy and wrong in so many ways. But I still choose to love you. Even if it means I’ll break every night, I’ll still love you.”

“You’re not just hurting yourself, Vikram. You’re hurting me. And Emilio. You’re hurting everyone.” He flinched, just barely, but then his expression hardened. “Maybe I am. But you don’t understand what it’s like, Lucas. To love someone who doesn’t love you back. To feel like you’re not enough. Do you have any idea how much that tears a person apart?” “No, I don’t,” I admitted. “But that doesn’t give you the right to act like this. You’re better than this, Vikram. Or at least, I thought you were.”

"And your love for her?" "The love I share with her is eternal, indistinguishable, and it is somewhat toxic. No matter how much she hurts me; I just can't get over my love for her. Have you ever loved and hated a person at the same time? Her presence irks and soothes me at the same time, and as much as she throws stones at me when she is around; her absence makes my heart ache. I don't know, Lola." He whispered. A shudder of silence settled between the two of them, and Lola distractedly made circles on his chest.

"Please... please, just give me one more chance. I won't fuck it up. I swear to God I won't." My heart hurt so badly it felt like it might rip into two. If I don't stop this now I would be the one getting her heart broken again. "No." My hands pushed weakly against his chest as I tried to pull away, but he held me tighter, arms locking around me and dragging me back into his chest even as I fought him. I collapsed into his chest, crying harder than I had all night, listening to his heart pounding violently against his chest. Why is loving you so painful, Aiden?