Yo Mama So Old Jokes

* "Marry Me! Stranger." I shout for the whole hall to hear and I pull him in for a deep kiss to the loud gasp of my supposed adopted parents at their first daughter's wedding. What is she doing?! Master cannot be kissed by just anybody! He'll have allergic reactions almost killing him! But what is he doing? He's holding her waist and pulling her further and kissing her back! * Samantha Stiles, denied of her marriage to her long time lover and boyfriend by a well planned and executed scheme by her mother and sister who claims to the world she is adopted, but a fact which remains unknown whether it's a lie or truth. Claude Whyte, a mega trillionaire who recently came to New York to attend an acquaintances wedding but a series of events which include a nightstand and a public proposal is making him stay back. For someone who can't kiss or touch just anybody, he seems quite comfortable with that cheeky woman kissing him in the public.

I've been married to Derek Gunther for many years. Every anniversary, he tells me the airline scheduled him for a flight, then sends an expensive pair of earrings to smooth things over. But on our ninth anniversary, I accidentally overhear him joking with his friends. "Derek, you spend every anniversary with Ivy—and Sienna still hasn't caught on?" "No wonder she can't get pregnant. After all, you give all to Ivy." Derek exhales a stream of smoke and says, "Ivy gave up everything to be with me. I owe her a real home. As for Sienna, I stopped loving her after she miscarried. When the time's right, I'll file for divorce. It's unfair, sure—but I'll make it up to her with money." What Derek doesn't know is that he won't get that chance. It's on our anniversary that I'm diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer. Since he stopped loving me long ago, I'm ready to walk away on my own terms. Derek, from now on, we're done.

Dahil lang kumain ako ng isa pang extra na paa ng manok kaysa sa kapatid kong lalaki, pinalayas ako ng tatay ko mula sa bahay sa gitna ng isang snowstorm. Noong tumagal, ang tatay ko na isang archeologist ay nahukay ang aking katawan. Dahil sa nawawalang ulo ko, hindi niya ako nakilala. Kahit na noong nakita niya ang katawan ay may parehong mga peklat na meron ako, wala siyang pakialam. Pagkatapos, ang nanay ko ay kinuha ang aking puso at pinakita ito sa kanyang mga estudyante. “Ngayong araw, pag aralan natin ang puso ng isang taong may congenital heart disease.” Minsan niyang sinabi na makikilala niya ako kahit na anuman ang itsura ko. Mama, ngayon at ang tanging natitira sa akin ay ang puso ko, nakikilala niyo pa rin ba ako?

Krystal Hugace is perfectly fine with her life. As her colleagues starts to get married and have their own families, she enjoys her free life being the successful designer that she is. Life is good. That is until she meets Christian Giannini –the CEO of the prominent and best steel exporter company of Ground Zeta– marching up to her office demanding for her to create the best pair of suit and wedding dress for his and his pregnant fiance's wedding. Krystal is not ready for this kind of commitment.

Riccardo Salvatore Armani is a man with a great body and brilliant mind who can be compared to a Greek god but with the heart of Lucifer. Yes, with both devilish and lovable hearts. Everyone conquered his devilish heart and none conquered his lovable heart, or yet… With no parents, no helpers, no bodyguards, no friends, no past, and no girls around, he is living a robotic life with the only character of yelling at people and killing ruthlessly everyone who comes in his way. Ishita Kapoor is a girl with a goddess physique, an Angel heart, and a brilliant and stupid brain at the same time. Having everyone around her, she is living a best yet worst life because of society's pressure on her. Everyone who sees her from the outside will see her best life but only when those who get to see under her always-covered body, will come to know her true life. Having everything and everyone doesn’t help her in her state.But, when a simple dare locked these two people in 2000sq. feet for 24 hours, he thought that this was just a day and it wouldn’t change his life and she thought she successfully completed her dare with the mystic man but they both didn’t know that there was more on their way which would change their life completely. MAFIA'S NOT SO INNOCENT GIRL is created by Priya Amour, an eGlobal Creative Publishing signed author.

Love? No, rather a game of convenience. Sophia Whyte is the victim of a cruel hoax, forced into becoming the contract wife of famous billionaire, Noah Milton. She can’t escape, overwhelmed by her crippling debt and her mother’s debilitating condition. After being bullied by Noah’s girlfriend and entire family, she is humiliated and kicked out of the Milton mansion as they no longer have use for her. Five years later, she returns, now a mother of the sole heirs to the Milton wealth. All she feels is hate and a need for revenge. All Noah feels is love, he starts to creep into her heart, one gift at a time. What will she do once she start to feel the same?

“Any conversation we're going to be having is going to be in the four corners of my wall and after that, I'd love and appreciate it if you forgot my name, home address and social security number— if you have that, of course.” “Cute,” he laughs and then winces when I open the drink can with a pop. I raise a brow at him, urging him to continue and then take a sip of my drink as I wait patiently. “ Contrary to what you may think, I'm not here to hurt you or whatever it is you're thinking —” “No shit.” “I'm here to offer you a deal. One I know you wouldn't be able to refuse.” “Sure, Professor Xavier.” This is getting fun and it's the most fun I've had in a few days. “Marry me.” ********** I had a one night stand with a handsome, enigmatic stranger. It was drunk decision; one I promised myself never to indulge in. Putting aside my regret, I continue with life and the trials it keeps throwing my way. As a girl used to surprises, what I don't expect is seeing this stranger from months ago at my doorstep and offering me a deal I can't seem to refuse: a marriage contract in exchange for my biggest wishes to be fulfilled.

An accident made Snow Cecy the most hated person of her husband. She was imprisoned and gave birth to a child in prison. After she was released from prison, it was her husband's crazy revenge and betrayal that met her and her children. Snow Cecy thought that one day she could wait for the truth to come out, but she only waited for a paper of incurable medical treatment. On the day of diagnosis, Vicdor Blake held his sweetheart and said to her, "you'd better die now. Don't hinder me from marrying Leyi!" At this moment, Snow Cecy finally understood what it means to die like ashes. In the fire, Snow Cecy held her child and had nothing to miss in this world. And when all the truth is revealed,Vicdor is almost tortured into a madman by remorse holding the ashes of the two people. Three years later, a person suffering from a terminal illness has become a famous doctor that is hard to find. However, the president has tortured himself to the death. Snow Cecy nestled in another man's arms and looked at Vicdor coldly. Even if you die now, it has nothing to do with me.

"Don't underestimate me!" She growled, pressing the knife against his neck on their wedding night. "Don't mistake my kindness for my weakness." "You look so hot pinning me against the wall and the knife pressing me against my neck," he smirked. ˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷ Weylin Turner, the vicious leader of the mafia organization 'The Black Panther' returned to England after fifteen years. At a party, he learned that his marriage was already fixed with the daughter of one of the most powerful mafia organizations in England. But on the day of the marriage, the bride didn't appear. To save his father's face, he immediately ordered his subordinates to find a bride for him. Suddenly his eyes fell on Garaine Jones, a cheerful caregiver at an orphanage. He couldn't help but take advantage of the situation. Finding her weakness, he compelled her to become his bride. To his surprise, she agreed to his terms and conditions easily. Little did he know that Garaine Jones wasn't some ordinary woman as he thought. She was something beyond his imagination. Did the predator himself become prey while chasing his fantasies?

Austin Monticillo had all luxury in life. Money, fame, power, perfect family and of course, women he constantly changes depending to his moods. He is a total womanizer. Alam niya iyon, matapos makapag-graduate ay agad niyang pinamahalaan ang kanilang kompanya. But, out of nowhere, ay may isang Georgina Czsharina Abejuela ang maghahabol sa kaniya dahil naanakan daw niya ang pinsan nito. He fucking don't know about it, hindi niya kilala ang sinasabi nitong pinsan, at mas lalong wala sa taste niya ang babae. Dahil sa isang kasunduan, ay inalok ni Austin ang babaeng si Georgina ng pera para matahimik ito, pero hindi 'yon tinanggap nito, she refuses the money. "Trabaho! Iyon ang kailangan ko!" that word makes his heart rolled out of beat. Dahil ang totoo, nagugustuhan niya ang pagiging arisgada, bulyawera at pagiging matapang nito. He even admires her dahil tumayo itong ina sa batang inabandona ng pinsan niya. Naging single-parent ito sa bata, he didn't saw it coming na magkakaroon pala siya ng bagong figure, at 'yon ay ang maging ama sa batang napamahal na rin sa kaniya. Magiging perfect pa rin kaya ang pagiging daddy figure niya kung may isang epal na darating para balikan si Georgina Czsharina? Sino ito? Ito ang businessman model boyfriend nito na muntikan nang maging fiancé ni Czsharina, si Garret. Mayaman din ito, mas gwapo sa kaniya at hindi hamak na may kinabukasan si Czsharina rito. What would he do to claim her as his? May magagawa ba ang gaya niyang Austin Monticillo lang?