You Are Not Your Brain Mga Nobela at Kwento

I had no memory at all. I overworked the little guys in my head by trying so darn hard to remember something, anything. Come on, stupid brain, never turning up for me when I need you. I swear I'm convinced there is a beef between my brain and I. Whenever it is time to think of something important or something useful, it goes dead but when I don't need to think of anything, boom! All the thoughts flow freely right through me, I'm a walking encyclopedia, the one who knows it all, I'm the knowledgeable chosen one.

"You think I'm a warlord?" "I don't know what else to call you. You're a one-woman destruction machine, and the amount of information you absorbed this past year should have your brain exploding. You don't give yourself enough credit. There will never be a perfect leader. Everyone makes mistakes, even you. It will happen, you'll learn from them, and you'll move on. You're alpha and the only person who doubts you is you." If it were only that simple. "So a potentially exploding brain is your professional diagnosis?"

"You need to rest." "I will rest when this makes sense." My voice cracked harsher than I meant it to. "Right now this is all I can do. The only way I can help." Mathias looked at me for a long time, making things feel serious and tense. "Your brain," he finally said, "is your best tool. Magic can stop working. Strength can go away. But your smarts and planning last. You're noticing things others don't." I laughed under my breath. "You mean because I am useless in a fight?"

A version who is tired of being pressed into a mold that does not even fit. Honestly, I kind of like her. "I have more important things to deal with," I finish. "Like my mental health. Thinking about pointless things affects my mental health, because then all I think about who people can live without using their brains." I turn on my heel and walk out of the hall. If I had long hair, I would flip it over my shoulder. In my mind, I still do. Take that, old hamster. But I freeze when I reach the doorway.

Pop. She wanted to punch her brain in the nuts as she took a shaky breath and whispered, “I think I should go to bed, alone.” No. All of her other thoughts screamed at her for being a chicken, but the one brain cell stood proudly with her hands planted firmly on her hips telling them all it was for the best, like a bespectacled old granny with a wooden spoon. Her brain cells were having an identity crisis. “What is going on in your head?” he gave her a knowing grin as he stood back from her. “You look like you’re fighting a battle.”

Saturdays should come with a universal pass for being a lazy couch potato, binge-watching N*****x and pretending school doesn’t exist. Instead, I was stuck in a never-ending loop of overthinking. My brain was running in circles, replaying every embarrassing moment that led me to this point. Seriously, if there was a way to file for mental bankruptcy, I’d be first in line. I could’ve been napping. Or, you know, pretending to be productive. But no, instead I was trapped in my head, circling like a vulture waiting for my next mistake. And honestly?

“Some days feel clearer than others.” “And today?” he asked gently. “Today feels…” I paused, searching for the right word. “Busy. In my head.” He leaned back slightly, folding his hands. “That happens a lot during recovery. Your brain is doing more work than you realize.” I looked at the window briefly, then back at him. “It’s strange. I wake up knowing I’m supposed to remember things, but I don’t. It’s like standing in a room filled with locked doors.” “That’s actually a very common description,” he said. “Frustrating, isn’t it?”

“I want to start my own jewelry business. Be my own boss and be rich enough to have time to write the novels in my head.” “Wow.” “I’ve never been brave enough to say that out loud. Only to my brain. I’m one of those rare people who talk to themselves and my brain actually talks back to me like it has its own opinions and stuff. I know I sound cra—” “I’m exactly like you.” He said as he suddenly held my hands on the table. “I mean I talk and fight with my brain too. Oh my God, I haven’t told anyone that coz when I told my mom she said never to tell anyone about it until I was better. She sent me to Shrinks.”

I said, my eyebrow raised, "And, I really doubt you'd be the one to do that." "You don't know that." I nodded, "I do," I said, confident in my words, "I can handle a lot, believe me, you might be the one strong physically, but me, I have a strong brain and trust me, it can't be easily broken." "So, I think it's better if you drop the whole idea of trying to push me away," I added, shaking my head, "You ain't getting rid of me that easily."

Everything is in my control, I repeat over and over in my head. “I’m blank. I’m not thinking about anything.” I say lying but he doesn’t need to know that I’m not telling the truth. “You do know I can tell when you brain is working over time. I know you have a lot going on in that beautiful mind of yours.” He says and I look at him smiling.