You Can't Hide From Yourself Novels & Stories

- HAZEL - Nothing seems interesting. Each day, I’m getting closer and closer to losing my mind yet I’m trying to get my act together. No one really talks about how overwhelming it is to have to hide a part of you you’d love to talk about so much. How miserable keeping to yourself actually is. It’s saddening, hoping someone would be your shoulder to lean on but realising you’re all alone in this, having to fight it yourself.

"Also normal. The messed up that looks extraordinary because it's visible. Everyone's messed up. Most people just hide it better." "Is that better? Hiding it?" "I don't know." Maya shrugged, the gesture that was also philosophy, also boundary. "I hide mine. The debate, the argument, the controlled violence—" She stopped, laughed, breathless. "It's all hiding. The real stuff, the need, the wanting, the—" She stopped, found the honesty. "The fear that I'm not enough, that I'll never be enough, that the voice I found is just performance, just escape, just—"

It's very clear how desperate I am. "And I'm saying that you don't need any addiction to deal with another problem" she insists. “Admit it, Suzy. Say out loud what you're hiding. Take the risk that people close to you may stop believing in the image you have pretended to have over the years. Free yourself from your ghosts, and they will never be able to haunt you again.”

After chewing a bite of my burger, I choose my words carefully. “No, I don’t. I believe everyone has layers they hide from the outside world.” “Precisely. Just like how we’re both hiding how much we enjoyed that thrill and everything that happened after.” “Dylan…” “It’s a layer that you refuse to acknowledge because you’re ashamed of it.” “You’re…not?” “No. It’s who I am and there’s nothing to change about it.” “But you’re hiding it, too.” “Not because I’m ashamed.” “Then why?”

I looked at him. "I'm tired of keeping things at the edge," I said. "I have been keeping things at the edge my whole life. Managing what is visible and what isn't. Deciding what is safe to give and what needs to be…" I stopped. I found the specific and honest word. "Hidden. Deciding what needs to be hidden." I paused. "And I don't want to do that here." The specific and quiet statement of it. I don't want to do that here.

A sin I can’t stop myself from committing. ***

I whispered. He smiled again, softer this time, but no less intense. “Especially those things,” he said. “The thoughts you bury, the desires you deny, the fears you hide from yourself… I know them. And you don’t have to be ashamed. You never have to be with me.”

The way that he stood up for me today, the way that he looked at me… There's something between us, and it doesn't seem to matter if I'm Nicole or Evelyn when we meet. That enticing pull is always going to be there. Maybe it's time to stop hiding from it – at least entirely. And there's something else it's time to stop hiding from: myself. I have been thinking about this in the back of my mind all day. It's ridiculous, sleeping in that tiny, windowless, stuffy room. Making myself uncomfortable and miserable, and for what? To prove some kind of point? To whom?

"Be gentle with yourself if you're still here and still learning. You will make a mistake. You will become uncontrollable, make blunders, and question your own safety. You're not. What's different is that you are powerful. Find out what makes a difference. Make effective use of your abilities. remain impervious to corruption and impossible to ignore. She hesitated. "And to those who are observing but are not present, who continue to conceal their true selves out of fear, know that you are not alone. Today, thousands of us are living freely, developing safely, and becoming the people we were destined to be. There is nothing wrong with you.

His hand was still on my head. "So stop hiding yourself. Learn to face the problem. You can't solve anything by hiding like this. It will only make people think that there is something wrong otherwise why would you hesitate to come out? Those people hide those who make mistakes. Why hide when we have not done anything wrong?" I hung my head down as my chin was touching my chest.