Chapter 5

"Do I have to wear a swimsuit?" I ask Jana as I sit on her bed, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom.

"It is a pool party," she calls, "I mean kickback, a pool kickback."

I grab one of her pillows and set it on my lap. Jana's room is colorful and cozy, and being in here makes me feel happy. She has plenty of pictures, school merchandise, decorations, things that truly make this room that of high school girls. The last time I saw it, she had a mirror hanging on her door where we used to write in lipstick, only because we thought it made us edgy. Now thinking about it, I laugh a little.

Jana comes out in a white bikini, showing plenty. She looks amazing in it, incredibly confident. "Perfect," I call and she waves me off.

"Borrow something," she orders more then suggests and rummages through the same drawer that her bikini came from. "How about a black bottom with a red top?"

I shake my head. "Really, I don't do bikinis."

"You wore them over the summer before—" she stops herself. "Sorry."

I look down to my lap for a moment, not wanting to be a downer. "It's fine. I'll just dip my feet in, it will be nice."

Jana lets a small smile appear. "At least borrow a dress?"

"Sure, and you can pick it out."

Jana scavenges through her closet, shuffling through all of her dresses until she comes out with a cute, white sundress. "It seems like you."

"Alright, I'll change and then we'll go."

I drive us to the pool-kickback and find myself worrying the entire way there while listening to Jana's directions at the same time. We have to recalculate a few times.

I can't help but think back.

I want to give you a tour of the house, Harrison said as we walked away from the kitchen.

I agreed, I just wanted to impress him, Okay.

He avoided the downstairs, as that is where a party was taking place. Harrison led me up the stairs, and I thought nothing of it. I remember looking up at him and he climbs the stairs before me, watching his back. Daphne is going to be so jealous, I thought. I was with the most popular guy in school.

He wanted to show me his bedroom, which excited me.

"We're here," Jana says, which is odd because I am the one driving. "You ready to get out?"

"Yeah, of course. Let's go."

Together we walk towards the house, but instead of going to the front door, we make our way through the side gate and down a pathway along the side of the house. I can hear music, not too loud, and voices talking normally, not shouting, which is different from Harrison's party.

I follow Jana into the backyard. It opens up nicely, revealing a large, curving pool and many people. Some are in the glowing water while others lounge around at a table or on a lounge chair.

I recognize many people from school, from before I left. Taylor and Jordan are swimming, they laugh as someone jumps in, slashing them.

Some people stare at me then turn to whisper, saying something like: that's her, the girl who started the rumors about Harrison. She said that he...well, you know.

I take a step closer to Jana. "They're talking about me."

Jana scans the area for said gossipers. "Ignore them, but if they bother you anymore, I'll hurt them."

I smile and jokingly latch onto her arm. "My protector," I coo.

She rolls her eyes and brings us over to the couple. After setting her things down on a lounge chair, Jana peels off her dress and tosses it to the side. "Move over or I'm jumping on you!"

She throws herself in and when she surfaces Taylor sends a splash her way. I smile and sit on the lounge chair.

"Not coming in?" Taylor questions and I shake my head, no. "Can't swim?"

"I can, I just feel like staying dry for now."

She climbs out of the water and sits on the edge, her feet swimming. "Sit with me."

I stand up and sit down, Jana's white dress pools around my thighs as I dip my toes in first. The water is warm, the pool must be heated. "You and Jordan make a great couple."

She gazes over at him as he sits on the pool stairs with some other guys. "Yeah, I love him so I guess that means something. We've known each other for a while, just never thought about being something more than friends since this year. Do you have a special someone?"

"No, it's just me."

"I thought Jana said you were interested in Daniel?" She questions and I can tell she's messing with me.

I roll my eyes and lean back, using my arms to keep myself up. "I ran into him in the hallway, that's all. Jordan said he doesn't go for any Coldgrove girls anyways, so I guess if I had a crush, it wouldn't matter much."

Taylor shrugs. "You never know."

"You're right. My sweatpants and knotted hair are just too much to resist," I laugh and she joins in. "Maybe if I dressed like you, boys would pay attention to me."

"Like me?"

I nod. "You're a good dresser, and hey, you got Jordan."

It's nice to talk to someone and not have to worry if they hate you or not. I know talking about boys is weird, especially since their touch makes me shudder, but I feel like a teenage girl finally being a teenage girl again. I only have two more years of it after all.

With Mr. Russ, touch was a struggle. He wanted to kiss me, but I wouldn't let him. We tried once a while after, and I started to cry, and I don't know why. It was only a kiss.

"You don't need to dress better to be beautiful, heck, if you did you'd knock us all out of the ballpark."

I laugh. "You're too generous."

Taylor shakes her head. "You know, it's the really beautiful ones that don't see it."

I watch my feet swirl around until shouting catches my attention. Two guys wrestle by the edge, each trying to push the other into the water. Finally, one falls and splashes my dress, nearly soaking it. I stand up and pull the wet fabric from my skin. I wonder if people can see my underwear.

Walking to the chair, I grab my phone and secretly take a picture of my behind. Studying the screen, I realize the outline is visible, but not the pastel pink color.

My eyes drift up when I notice Daniel walking by the other side of the pool. I can't help but peek at his body, his arms, his back, his everything. Even through the shirt, an admirer can admire. He doesn't like Coldgrove girls. You don't like boys anymore, so I suppose it doesn't matter. I guess I never thought it through, that I'll be romantically alone from now on.

This is my bedroom, Harrison said and I walked in. My eyes were busy as he closed the door behind him, busy as he locked it also.