Chapter Five Necrophobia

     

  

I am Belinda and I have a fear in corpse. It was all started when I saw a dead person in in the hospital where my father worked as a doctor during my childhood. I do believe in ghost stories about the people who died in the hospital and how they wandered in the afterlife.

            I thought I would live a normal life as a child but I was wrong.

            I felt stupid and I recognized myself as a cursed child.

            Sometimes in the middle of the night, I encountered those nightmares and I saw the dead person along the corridor of the school. But when I open my eyes, something was moving or stirring, there was no doubt about that. At first I wasn’t sure what it was but I was woken up by someone touching my face, and then I saw the face of the dead person. This time I was jolted awake, jumped out of the bed and ran down the hallway of my house. But I didn’t tell it to my family and kept it a secret for the rest of my childhood. It still haunts me until I graduated in elementary grade.

            I had been compelled to silence, gripped by the irrational fear that somehow even after all of those years, should I speak of it, that those things would seek me out and once again wreak havoc in my life.

          It has eaten my whole personality and I can’t help myself. I’ve been terrorized with those hallucinations and as time goes by it becomes vicious and dangerous.

            I confronted those fears and set out to vanquish those tormented memories once and for all by not sharing them with others, the delusions of a troubled child. I have held on to my scepticism and rationality for dear life. I have allowed them to define me. I have been plagued by an overwhelming sense of unease. I attributed this to the fear I had experienced in simple recounting and reliving those terrible events in my mind, it felt so much more: a feeling of impending doom consumed my every thought.

Until I started to became high school from that several years later it was a cold night of February 13 when i got my first rejection and my heart was broken into pieces. My long lost crush in the university dumped me because of my looks and now here i am in the dark and creepy cemetery. I used to talk to my older brother and told him all of my problems. He passed away when i was in elementary grade but every time i felt a terrible sadness i came here to get advice and it makes me relieve.

            The dog keeps on howling that night when the full moon arose with its brightness of stars encircled the dimness of the clouds. I felt a sudden chill in my body but I ignore the fear and contemplate with my dead brother.

            According to my friends, superstition believes that if you wish and talk to the dead person with all your heart you’re wish will be granted. I’m really desperate and humiliated with my ugly appearance: pointed nose, small height, brown-skin with black long hair and i knew that no one would fall in love with me but i don’t lose hope until i tried to whisper in the grave of my dead brother.

         He is my beloved brother who suffered a brain tumor and died at a very young age.

         I whisper with all my heart in his grave “I wish someone will love me. Pure love until death.” I shouted and all of my fear and sadness comes out and i can breathe easy. But after that, the thunder boom into the sky like it said “Your wish is my command.” Now I left the cemetery but little did I know that I made a mistake, the grave of my brother is located beside a grave of someone… someone i talked to about my wish.

            On the following day, the valentine day arrive and this is the sweetest day of the month but for me, this is the worst day of my life. I was left alone sitting in the table waiting for someone who would take my hand for the dance but i decided to sip a wine instead and watch the lovebirds swirling around in the ball. I was determine to leave when someone block my way and offer his hand, i was awestruck he wore denim jacket and rip jeans and he is handsome guy with sparkling smile. I was confused and pretty nervous but then i took his hand and we dance gracefully enjoying the soft sound of music. My heart sang with an overflowed happiness until the lights went out and we decided to leave the ball. He invited me to join him in the cemetery…sounds odd and exciting but i take the risk. Maybe this is the way he can introduce himself and we can get to know each other soon.

            We reach the cemetery and something brought my mind in a little confusion. We sat beside the grave of my brother followed by another neighbouring grave and he talked.

            “My name is Baron and what’s yours?” he said in a baritone voice.

            “I’m Belinda… You looks like a senior highschool….. I smiled and then he didn’t answer my question he just laugh and smiled and he keeps on staring at me.

            “Wait! Close your eyes!!” he command.

            What a pleasant surprise. I told myself. He is somewhat adventurous yet mysterious.

            At first, i was reluctant but then i close my eyes and my feet are shaking for a mysterious surprise.

            “Open your eyes… 1…2…….3……..

            I open my eyes and to my surprise i saw bunches of roses in a bouquet. I was so happy and my heart beat fast…for the first time in my life i experienced with this kind of appreciation. Someone brought me flowers and take me out for a date. This is the day my wish are granted, thank you God and my older brother.

            “Thank you brother, you granted my wish,” I told myself.

            This is the first time when someone appreciated me, someone learns to fall in love with me.

            I smelled the fragrant roses but my feelings were interrupted with a foul smell coming from a nearby place. Something stinks like rotting meat and it keeps on irritating my nose.

            “Do you like it?” he asks.

            He is at my back and i answered.

            “Yes, and I thank you.”

            “Do you like me?” he asks.

            Suddenly my cheeks blushed and I’m going to red, my heart keeps beating faster than I thought.

            “Well!! Yes of course.” I giggled.

            But all of a sudden I have sensed something subtle, almost on the periphery of my awareness; the feeling that something is on its way, something is coming, unstoppable, monstrosity; surprising yet unexpected.

            I was about to turn around and hug him for my appreciation and my intimate feelings when all of a sudden come to a halt. My heartbeat faster and the terrors arise in my whole body and want to shout out and call for help but I can’t make a move.

            My fear gained momentum until I could think of nothing else.

            “Is that my wish with my brother?”

            “The wish that will doom my life forever?”

I face a pale and dead person, his lips are violet like a bruise and the body are foul and rotting the flies encircled his arms. He was about to speak when I open my mouth and cried out loud.

            “HAPPY VALENTINES MY LOVE!!!!!!!!”  He laughed while holding a sharp knife. I was about to react but he’s fast. He strikes the knife and stabs my shoulder, blood spills out from my body like the water splashed coming from a faucet and

in my chest followed in my tummy until the blood-stained my whole dress and I collapse and died.

            After what happened, a corpse guy digs into the ground to form a huge deep pit with enough space for two people. He forces the body of the woman and put it inside the pit, it fell with a loud bang and after the body shot from the ground he then followed, jump down and lying beside the woman, he smiled and hug her so tight like they got their first honeymoon. He suddenly closed his eyes with contentment.

            He knew by his heart that his waiting for her for a very long time. The amount of love worth dying for that last forever.

           But something gave me a life, my heart keeps on beating faster then I remember the name. Baron is my long-lost childhood friend and later he died in a car accident. I read his diary in our neighborhood and I found that he kept secret feelings for me during our elementary days. Even though I had Necrophobia or fear of corpses, I tried my best to recite prayers for the dead people. My tears kept falling from my eyes and I can’t help but help him find peace in heaven.

            After a few minutes, he rots and then became fragments until there is nothing left in the pit. I witnessed how fragile I was with myself little pleasure but then I conquered my fear as I glance up to my golden ring that engraves a little vulture.