DIVORCE

ALANNA.

“I want a divorce, Nolan,” I finally uttered the words in my mind and his expression shifted from dark to perplexity in a few seconds. There was silence for a few seconds as he stared at me, trying to figure out if I was lying or playing around.

I am not the girl who gets picked up in the club and ends up having a one-night stand with a random stranger. I don't find it appalling, I think of it as romantic, falling in love with a stranger with just a glance. I love the idea of love at first sight but I guess the jokes were on me since I'd never gotten to experience that.

Well, I fell in love with my husband at first glance but he didn't with me.

That is why when I glanced at Nolan, the man I call my husband, his dark gaze piercing through mine, I didn't see love in his eyes, instead, it was disgust and irritation. And I didn't want that anymore. I didn't want any of that again. 

Gathering all the courage I could muster, I sucked in a breath as I peered at him.

“Are you crazy, Alanna?” were the words that came out of his mouth. I couldn't stop myself from glaring at him. He shouldn't have a problem with this since he doesn't love me.

“I can't stay married to you anymore, Nolan. You bring out the worst in me, you treat me in the nastiest ways. You don't love me. You don't even like the presence of me…” 

I didn't get to finish what I was saying when he suddenly closed the gap between us and pushed me against the wall, hard as if to shut me up. I winced slightly while trying to hold his gaze. His eyes darkened as they fell on my open thighs in the night dress I was wearing. 

Nolan’s breath became heavy as he ran his callused fingers over my thighs, running them up and closer to my inner thighs. My breath evened out as my breathing slowed. He shifted closer, caging me to the wall as my breast touched his chest. I could feel my nipples hardening at this point.

This man was well aware of what he was doing to me. 

“Fuck!” he groaned, “Your mouth says one thing Alanna but your body wants another thing. I can feel you already getting wet.” He put his lower lip as he moved his mouth closer to my ear to whisper something to me. 

“You want me,” as he spoke, his fingers found my pussy and I gasped, letting out a soft moan.

What are you doing, Alanna?

I asked myself as I struggled with myself to not close my eyes and bask in the feel of his hands on me. I shouldn't allow myself to forget the reason why I decided to divorce this man in the first place. If I stay with this man, I would never be able to leave again. It was time to leave and it was best to do that now.

“Nolan,”  I snapped against my body's wishes. “I want a divorce,”  my voice was stern as my hands moved to his chest and pushed him off me. 

I wasn't doing it for me. I was doing it for my unborn child. 

   *****

ONE YEAR AGO.

“Alanna, you are going to take care of the cake, decoration, food, guests, and laundry for Chloe's birthday,” my mom yelled even though she was sitting a few steps from me. 

"Mom, can Chloe help out or one of the maids? I am already handling the bookings and lodging.”  I asked, no, I pleaded. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown,  overwhelmed with work. It was my elder sister's birthday today and I had been placed in charge of making sure everything went smoothly which has not been easy, to say the least.

I hadn't gotten any chance to take a break or rest all day. 

My mum, who wore a red velvet dress with black gloves, stood up instantly, prancing toward me, while I moved back unconsciously. My back touched the white wall and she came to stand in front of me.

“You foolish girl!” she cursed out, and before I could say another word, her hands dismounted on my face in a resounding slap. “How dare you question me!” 

“I am sorry Mum,” I whispered as tears rolled down my cheeks. 

“Chloe is your elder sister and also the celebrant. Why do you want her to take care of the party arrangement herself? It's her birthday and you want me to put her to work. Have you lost your mind, Alanna?”

“I am sorry Mum. I am just tired,” I muttered and she yanked me by the collar of my shirt.

“Chloe is the pride of this family and you need to understand that. She is not as useless as you. She is engaged to the son of the richest man in the country,” she paused and shoved me, my back hitting the wall again. “There will be dignitaries in the party and I need you to do what is expected of you or I will throw you to the street to feed with the beggars,” she promised.

I was about to reply when my dad sauntered in, towering over me and my mum. He wore a tailored suit with strands of his gray hair falling out of place.

“What is going on here?” he questioned, looking between us. My mum was quick to jump to report me to him.

“This foolish girl says she wouldn't do any work to prepare for Chloe's birthday.” She told him.

“I didn't say...” I tried to defend myself before my dad interrupted me.

“Don't be stupid, Alanna,” he warned and held his hands out to my mum. She took it with a grin plastered on her face. “Make yourself useful for once. It is the least you can do to the parents that feed you,” he barked and strode off with my mum.

I slid down the wall and let the tears flow, sobbing. It was hard to believe but this was my parents. They had always loved my elder sister Chloe more than me. She is their perfect daughter whereas, I am the family's mistake. Ever since my twin brother Astor died, my parents wouldn't stop blaming me for his death as if the child that I was could have drowned my twin in the pool. I'd been living like an outcast in my own home. 

Sometimes I wished I was the one who died. 

****

I was seeing things and people in twos and three. My head was banging as I downed the remainder of what was left in the glass Chloe had offered me to thank me for helping with her birthday party. I still thought it was strange that she offered me the drink because my sister would never be nice to me but maybe she was changing.

I placed the glass on the counter and held my banging head with my palm. I could barely recognize people and I stumbled my way out of the bar area. 

“Alanna!”

Someone, whose face I couldn't see but the voice I recognized to be my sister's, grabbed my hand and started to pull me away from the loud music and liquor-filled place. 

“W-where are we going?” I stuttered.

“Oh, darling, where you will sleep.” She chuckled. I felt us getting into an elevator but I couldn't be sure because I couldn't make anything out. The elevator stopped and we stepped out. My head was hurting triple much now and even though it hurts badly, I was laughing for no reason.

“This is your room. Just go in.” Chloe pulled us to a stop in front of the room. I squinted my eyes to make out the number on the door, barely registering the numbers. Before I could open my mouth and thank her, she already walked off.

With a sigh, I pushed the door open and stumbled my way in, almost falling to the floor. Laughing for no reason, I slammed the door shut and immediately started to take off my clothes because, for some reason, it was feeling uncomfortable.

“What are you doing?”

I heard someone ask and I jumped from the shock. It was a man, I felt him as soon as he grabbed my hand.

“Taking off my clothes.” I tried to wiggle my hand free from him but then he backed me against the door and I stopped. He kissed my cheeks and I just stopped fighting. 

“Well, baby, strip for me.” And with that, he took a step back while taking a big gulp of the drink in his hand while his hungry eyes fed on my open breast in my dress.

The stupid me didn't hesitate for even a second.