Defining Love

Red is the color of love.

Heart is the symbol of it.

But how people describe and define it—sometimes,confuses me.

"It's a pleasure that you make time to dine with us again Ansel"my father look at the man beside my mom and infront of me.Bahagya ko siyang nilingon at nakita kaagad ang tingin niya.

His charming smile appeared for the nth time as he look back at my father.I glance sideways to met my mom's radiating face.Hindi ko maipagkakaila ang tuwa sa mukha niya.Sa ilang beses ko siyang nakitang may kasama siyang lalaki,ito ang unang beses na ganito siya.

I drop my eyes in between my fingers where golden utensils were placed. Sa loob ng malaking mansyon na hindi ko madalas na puntahan simula ng tumuntong ako ng highschool minsan ko lang madatnan ang sarili ko sa ganitong mga pangyayari.

"It's nice to be here also..I'm glad I was invited"

"Sana bumalik ka pa ng maraming beses"ang kaagad na sabi ng isa pang babae sa tabi ng ama ko.She held my father's shoulder as she eats her food.Clinton let's her and even gave her a pleased smile.My mom scoffed and drink her juice.Ngumisi ang babae sa kanyang ginawa at mas lalo pa ng nanatili siyang tahimik.

In the middle of the grand dining area,all the luxury item that defines what standard they should have.

I guess ,love isn't one of it.

They have prove me that love isn't something you just gain just because you two were connected.It wasn't something that will keep you together just because you two become parents.

Love is a faraway thing only a few can reach.

My body immediately wait for the same cold voice that usually bounces whenever she's pissed.

"Azazel you've got something for us?"

And there it is.I stop eating,drop the utensils on my plate and wipe the sides of my mouth.This has been rehearsed for years  and it took quite an ample of time to get used to it.Never bothering to raise my head I spoke in a gently manner.

"I am doing fine in the school.I—"napahinto ako ng marinig ko ang marahang tawa niya.Umikot ang mata niya sa mga tao na kaharap namin sa hapag ngayon.Father is busy eating,his whore glances at us every now and then habang nakasabit ang isang kamay sa balikat niya.

My brother is with his new wife for this year and silently eating ,not really minding us.

Sa unti-unting pagkawala ng tawa niya ay naramdaman ko rin ang kagustuhan niyang makuha ang atensyon ng taong kinikilala niya rin na asawa.I force myself not to throw words at my father as I wait for another.

"You better do something Azazel"I nodded my head obediently and finally looks at her.She threw me a glare before getting more food and put it in the man's plate.I look at them briefly.

You see,love is too precious that even your spouse can't always give it to you.And if they can't give it to you,you tend to seek for it to anybody.

"That's okay Maggie.Azazel is still young.She can do so much when she finally grows up"

My mom produce the most genuine smile she can muster whenever he's here.It seems like her sour mood earlier is being washed by it.Atlast,she gained some attention,and it's coming from him.

I immediately look away when I found his eyes again.Magaan lang naman ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya pero sa tuwing nagtatagal ang tingin niya sa akin hindi ko alam kung bakit mas pinipili kong mag-iwas ng tingin.

He look nice.Katamtaman lang ang haba ng buhok na itim.Ang mata niya ay may natural na tingin na matalim natatakpan 'yon ng salamin at nagmumukhang sobrang bait.Katamtaman lang din ang kulay ng kanyang balat at base sa ilang pagkakataon na maikukumpara ko ang tangkad ko sa kanya ,malayo iyon.Mas malapit ang tangkad ng katabi niya sa kanya.

I do understand though.I can only picture a guy I read in books.Prince that is a gentleman ,who produce gentle smile and have a gentle hand.This man right here is built and cut just like the same.

Or not.

"Azazel will turn 18 soon Maggie.I'm sure she knows her responsibilities"

My father's words pulled me from somewhere and in the real world as i realize what he was trying to say.Even under the glittery things,most expensive garments ,diamonds .Lahat ng kinang na sana nagpabulag na lang para hindi ko makita ang magiging buhay ko pagkatapos ng birthday na  'yon.

I always wonder why the woman that I called mom is still staying with the man who never paid attention at her.Hindi ko naabutan ang panahon kung kailan nagmamahalan silang dalawa,nadatnan ko na silang ganito at ganito na'rin ako lumaki.

Ang mga babaeng nakukuha ng ama ko hindi naman talaga siya mahal.Ang mga lalaking nali-link sa mama ko hindi din naman siya mahal.Dalawang beses ng nagpakasal ang kuya ko ,mahal na ba niya ang pangalawa ngayon?Bakit magkasama pa'rin ang mga kinikilala kong magulang kung wala din naman silang pakialam sa isa't-isa?At bakit pa ako nanatili dito kung pupwede na akong umalis?

It is simple.If there's no love at all then the reason why people stay is because they only wanted something.

"Anyway..."ibinaba rin ni Ansel Millano ang kubyertos niya.Tahimik niya yong ginawa pero tumuon ang atensiyon ng lahat sa kanya.Ilang beses pa lang siyang pumarito pero mas wine-welcome pa siya ng lahat kaysa sa'kin.Halos lahat naman bilib sa kanya,humahanga kaya naman nakahanda na tanggapin siya palagi.Hindi exception ang ama kong mayaman rin kagaya niya.

He look at me and smile again.I hesitantly acknowledge that.If isn't love that he's feeling towards my mother,the reason why he suddenly pops up here is all because he needs something.

And I doubt it.Afterall he's richer than the father figure that I know.I glance at my mother ,fixing her look to try and look like a kind woman.Only,I know well enough behind those smile.I bet she's cursing at me right now I steal a little bit of attention that she's been receiving from him.

"I bought a school just a week ago...and I named it to Azazel"malakas na suminghap ang nasa tabi ni papa na babae.Nanigas ang ngiti ng ina ko at ang bagong mag-asawa ay gulat na bumaling sa akin bago kay Ansel.

I don't know what's my face is telling them.Magandang balita ang narinig ko.Mabubuhay na ako ng walang kahit na anong makukuha sa kanila,right..I'm only here because i still need something.They're here because they need something from each of them too and so they just can't detach themselves...if that's the case for me. That's the case for everyone.

"Thank you Mr.Millano"i bowed my head a little then put a tight smile.I tried hard to feel the sincerity if that's what it really is but it made me doubt even more.

Everyone has a motive . Everyone has a reason why they decided to stay.I wonder now what could be the reason why he suddenly did that.

"A school for your debut"I look at my brother smiling sheepishly at me. Gone the mask they wear at the dinner that just finished.

Pagilid ang tingin niya.habang umiinom ng alak.

"Not bad.I'm sure you can build a castle in just a month"he holds my jaw and taps it.

"Your face will work for magic in months"bumaba ang tingin niya at mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti.

"And your body too.Finally,you will of use"binitawan niya ang baba ko at nagpasya ng umakyat ng hagdan.Tinanaw ko ang likod niya.

Magiging si Dalton ba si Dalton ngayon kung nakuha niya ang pagmamahal na dapat ibinigay sa kanya?I know what he's been through.I recognize all of it.He has change into a person I never knew he could become. That's because he stay.

I grip my dress as he dissappear from my sight.

Well I don t wanna be like him.I don't want to live a life just like what he's been living.I don't want a life like my mom who spent her days finding what's real in her world.

I want a life far from here,far from being an Aldridge,far from the crazy world they're trying to run.

I want a new life before the time the world will know that I am part of the family where only wealth is being valued.