Exelle/Xiellenna
My skin looks pale, with bruises covering most of it. My eyes are red swollen as well as my lips, with wounds and dry blood on its corner.
I sighed as I kept my eyes on my reflection.
With a heavy heart, I brought my shivering fingers on my bruised skins and groaned when I felt a sting from the touch. I pursed my lips, silently.
I should have known better and expect more things than this, that things will happen again and might even worsen. Other than being a punching bag of my own husband, I know it might get worsen and might lead me to death, but even my body has its own way of being a numb, ignoring the pain that he's giving to me.
For him, I am a worthless, pathetic, slut, and a good for nothing person. He didn't behave nor even act like a real husband to me. But I didn't gave up on him. I love him more than anything, though I didn't know if it matters to him. Because for me, it all matter.
I loved him though he treated me like an animal. I loved him though he treated me like a wind that he couldn't see. I loved him even if he treated me like a punching bag every time he's mad or annoyed about something that might be related or not to me. All of it didn't matters. People can all me crazy, but its true. I'm crazy in love with my husband. People can call me a martyr, I don't give a shit. Because its true. A person who's willing to die for her husband na ang tanging ginagawa ay saktan ako ng paulit-ulit.
Pain doesn't matter at all as long as I love the person who gives me that pain. As long as I love that person who keep on hurting me.
Pain is a part of Love.
It's unfair, but its true.
But I don't know if things will be better again. I don't know if he will ever love me, like how I love him.
"Leave him already. He's not worth for you. If he loves you, he'll never do such things and hurt you."
I heard Samara said on the other line.
"H-Hindi ko kaya Sam. You know how much I lov-"
"Ah ganun. So hahayaan mo nalang na ganyanin ka niya. Bugbugin ka ng paulit-ulit?! Saktan ka niya ng paulit-ulit?! Does your own life even matters to you? Xiellenna, it's way too much. Alam mo bang pwede mong ikamatay ang pagiging isang TANGA! Please lang Xiellenna, please. Alalahanin mo naman ang sarili mo." She said again ng hindi man lang pinatapos ang sasabihin ko kanina.
Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako ganito katanga. Siguro pinanganak lang talaga akong isang tanga at sumumpang magmamahal ng iisang lalaki sa tanang buhay. Ganun na ba ako katanga, para hayaaan ang sarili kong asawa na saktan ako?
"Ang tanga mo Xiellenna... alam kong alam mo yun," she continue and then I realize that she was already crying. I tried to find my own words and answer her, but all I can do is to shut up and listen to her. "Xiellenna. Please. Give up already. Hindi ka niya mamahalin tulad ng pagmamahal mo sa kanya."
"Sam, I know. Pero hindi niya pa ako nagawang lokohin. Wala naman siyang kabit kaya pwede pa akong maghintay para-"
"PUTANGINA MO NAMAN XIELLENNA EH! HIHINTAYIN MO PA BANG MAKITA MO SIYA NA MAY KALANDIANG IBA BAGO MO SIYA HIWALAYAN?! TANGINA NAMAN EH! KAIBIGAN KITA XIELLENNA KAYA AKO NAGKAKAGANITO! SASAKTAN KA BA NIYA NG GANYAN KUNG WALA SIYANG IBANG BABAE?! MAG-ISIP KA NGA NG MATINO! HINDI KA MAHAL NG ASAWA MO! HINDI KA MAHAL NI HANS! ANO BA?!"
Ang lakas ng sigaw ni Sam mula sa kabilang linya pero tahimik lang akong nakinig sa kanya. I felt my tears escape from my swollen eyes but I didn't dare to wipe it out.
Alam ko kung ano ang tama, at yun ang iwan si Hans ng tuluyan. Pero iniisip ko pa nga lang, parang ang hirap ng gawin. Nasasaktan na agad ako. Nasasaktan ako, pero may parte sa akin na nagsasabing mas masakit ang ginagawa niya sa akin. May parte sa loob ko na nagsasabing nagsasawa na rin ako sa ganito. May parte sa aking loob na nagrereklamo na sa akin at nagsasabing, sumuko na ako sa katangahan ko.
Oo.. inaamin kong napakatanga ko talaga. Hinahayaan kong puso ko ang manaig at hayaan kong magdesisyon. Pero ni minsan, hindi ko ginamit at pinakinggan ang laman ng isip ko.
Siguro nga, there's limitation for everything. So maybe this my time to escape from my own shell. Maybe this is the right time to wake up from those scary nightmares in the dark nights. Maybe this is the time to face what are the truth from the mistakes.
Maybe this the right time to gave up from him.
"Please, Xiellenna, makinig ka naman sa-"
I cut her words and I start to speak between my broken voice.
"Then help me Sam. Help me to change. Help me to escape and forget him."
***
Exelle"Hey. It isn't hard to say, 'thank you beshie'. Tingnan mo nga oh. Tinulungan na kita. Oh. Ayan na," sabi ko kay Samara habang nakangiti ng mapang-asar. Nasa kabilang linya lang ito habang nakikipag-usap sa akin kung anong kulay at design daw ng damit ang gusto nitong ipatahing damit.I did the finishing step for her dress by drawing a large ribbon on its waistline, tulad ng pagkakadescribe niya tungkol dito. "Hoy. Sam, bahay ang ginagawa ko, hindi damit. Walanghiya toh. Ginawa mo akong designer ng damit. Oh, ayan na. Isesend ko na lang ang picture sayo. Kaso mamaya na, huh. May board meeting pa ako. Alam mo naman na busy ako, eh." Sabi ko sa kanya na parang kaharap ko lang siya.I heard her giggled and laughed. Loka-loka talaga tong babaeng toh. Iniisip ko tuloy kung pinagtitripan niya lang ako o hindi."Hoy, babaeng unggoy na galing pa sa planetang Pluto, baka naman pinagtitripan mo lang ako? Hoy, tandaan m
Exelle"Hey," bungad sakin ni Jules nang makita niya akong pumasok sa entrance ng hall. Jules is my friend, and she's an interior designer.She was a friend of mine since high school like Sam. And like Sam, alam niya kung ano ang naging masaklap na karanasan ko sa buhay years ago. She still looks the same. Porcelain rosy skin and a perfect slim body. A figure of a real goddess. And she really looks like her mother, Aunt Juliean."Aunt Juliean! Oh my God, auntie. I missed you," I greet her with a hug habang inaasar. Bigla naman itong napasimangot saka ako kinurot sa braso kaya napaatras ako nang bahagya habang natawa."Ano~huh. Masaya ka? Masaya ka?" Sabi niya sabay kurot ulit sakin. "Kamukha ko lang si mama, pero mas maganda ako dun. Ano? Tatawa ka pa?""Baliw," sabi ko nalang ng makalayo ako sa kanya. "Oo, masaya ako. Bakit ba?"Inirapan niya lang ako kaya napatawa nan
Exelle.."You. I want you back, former Mrs. Alvez."Napaupo ako sa kama ko habang hinahabol nang paghinga. My right hand were on my chest trying to calm myself down. What was that? Bakit ako nanaginip ng ganun klaseng panaginip? That was insane. That's totally insane to really happen.Nabaling ang atensyon ko nang biglang tumunog ang aking cellphone na nakalagay sa ibabaw ng nightstand, sa tabi ng aking kama. Kung kaya’t inabot ko ito at tiningnan ang screen upang malaman kung sino ang tumatawag.Anonymous Calling."Sino naman toh?" I ask myself.If it’s someone who’s anonymous enough to call me, early this morning, then saan niya naman nakuha ang aking contact number? I thought about it and found it suspicious. I look by the side of the room and watch the sunlight at the
Exelle.."Miss Kim..."Naagaw ang atensyon ko nang tawagin ni Audrey ang pangalan ko, kaya nilingon ko ito at pilit na nginitian. My mind has been occupied since Alexis left an hour ago. Maybe just because of those things na napag-usapan namin. Those things that I never thought had happened years ago."Here are the copies of your contract with Mr. Sanchez along with the papers regarding with the proposal of Vallejo Corporation to the EXiellene Royal. I already made four copies each of the papers, in case of an emergency. Are you sick, Miss Kim?" Sabi nito sakin sabay tanong kung ayos lang ako at abot nang isang white expanding envelope sakin. I just nodded as a response.Hindi na ito nagtanong pa nang buksan ko ang envelope at tinignan ang mga files na nasa loob nito. Alam kong napansin niya ang mood ko ngayon kaya hindi na siya nag-usisa pa."How about t
Exelle . . Their eyes were on me. Looking at me with an awe. Praising me as I walk. And I guess, I really could make their heads turn. Only to me.. Man, who is she? A goddess? Haha. But she looks like one. Who is she? I don't know. Maybe a friend of Mr.Riguera. She's invited tonight anyways. Is that the owner ofEXiellene Royale? I guess so. But she looks good. Not that I mean she's only that good. But really beautiful. You know her? Yeah, she's quiet famous as the owner of the very known EXiellene Royale. You know, the hotels and resorts in America. But actyally, kilalang-kilala worldwide. Oh yeah, I remember. She's the so-called Miss Kim of that hotel and resort EXiellene Royale. Miss Kim? I think that
Exelle"H-Hans.." garalgal na tawag ko sa pangalan ng aking asawa.Hindi ako narinig nito kaya hindi na ako sumubok pang tawagin siya.Naabutan ko itong nakatayo sa veranda dito sa salas. Alas onse na ng gabi pero heto pa rin siya at gising na gising. Nakatayo lang siya doon habang nakatingin sa labas. Kitang-kita ko mula sa kinatatayuan ko ang pagdapo ng liwanag ng buwan sa buo niyang katawan.I really love this man, but I couldn't understand why he just can't love me back.I watched him silently from were I am standing, praising his whole figure and everything about him.He's wearing his white polo na suot niya kanina pagpasok sa trabaho. His messy hair looks so perfect to him.He looks like an ancient Greek god and I just can't deny that he looks so innocent and cute when he's quiet. Sana lang laging ganito na lang.
ExelleWearing a simple black dress, with an above knee length, and off shouldered cut above, I walk straight inside the restaurant were I then met his gazed.A lopsided smile formed on my lips covered in matte lipstick.He, whom I loved way back from the old days but never seen me as a woman and as a wife needed to be loved, is now staring at me with an awe. Wala pa man akong ginagawa, ramdam ko na agad ang iba't ibang matang nakatitig sa akin. Sam told me before that I could make a head turn and I guess she's right. And of course, it made me proud of myself. I'm really proud of myself dahil nakuha ko ang atensyon nang taong noon pa man ay ninanais kong mapasaakin ang atensyon.Truth be told and it's true that I am head over heels sa asawa ko noon. But in the present day, it's way different.I mentally laugh. A bitter one.Bakit?Kasi if I were my old self, attentions from strangers and a
Exelle . . "You..." I looked back at him, shocked and nervous at the same, while thinking that he might really find out by this moment that I am his ex wife, Xiellenna. But of course, I won't let myself get caught that easily. Not like this. Not this easy. I won't be. "You must~ you must be kidding me, right?" I asked him in a whisper, putting back all of the strength that was drained from me, a while ago. 'Darn it, Exelle! Wag kang magpapahuli ng ganito kadali! Think of ways to escape this situation, damn it!' I yelled inside my head, reminding myself what to do at this situation. At yun ay ang hindi niya mahuli. Of course, I have to or all of my hardships to come this far, would be in vain. As such, everything that I did, putting myself, time and sweat