Chapter 5 - Try it with me

I was in front of my laptop, I already copied the link that Kaila sent to me earlier but I still can’t enter it. Kaya ngayon ay kagat-kagat ko ang kuko ko. I was still hesitating, I mean hindi naman ako inosente sa ganitong bagay but it will be my first time to watch it.

My phone vibrated and got a chat from Kaila and Cha in our group chat.

Charisse Vista: Ano na sis? Have you watched it already?

Kaila Marie Ramirez: Hula ko naghehesitate pa ‘yan. May pagka-banal type pa naman ‘yang kaibigan natin.

Me: Mga bwesit kayo, sandali lang naman mga te, first time ko gagawin to.

I heaved a sigh, “Bahala na…” I uttered before clicking the search button.

Pumikit muna ako sandali saka huminga ulit ng malalim. And when I finally opened my eyes, I swear nataranta ako, lalo na at sabay din na may nag-doorbell, kaya nagkanda-ugaga ako sa pagsara ng laptop.

Inis kong binuksan ang pintuan, delivery lang pala ng pagkain na inorder ko. Tinatamad din kasi akong magluto kaya napa-oder na lang ako sa grab.

I came back to my room and opened my laptop tapos ni-retry ko lang ulit iyong link.

Sabi ni Kaila at Cha ay ‘yong adult raw iyong piliin ko kasi mas grabe raw. I didn’t know what they’re talking until I was able to watch it. I kept on pausing every 10 seconds kasi parang hindi ko kaya ng tuloy-tuloy, panay sign of the cross din ako.

Juskolord! Mahabagin! Makasalanang mga mata at utak!

Wala pa ngang 2 minutes ay inistop ko na kasi ang pangit ng lalaki sa video. I mean, manunuod na nga lang ako tapos ‘yong ‘di pa gwapo diba? Edi isagad na dapat.

I searched for another video, this time bachelor type naman or early adulthood ‘yong mga dating ng actor.

In fairness, I couldn’t imagine they were doing this thing as their job, I mean there’s so many job naman out there. But of course, I can’t judge them.

The video I choose was somewhat ‘nice’ pero akala ko lang pala. I mean they’re kissing at first but it became more intense, it was a more needy action.

The guy actor was cute and have this lean body, and oh my god, the way he kisses the girl and how I caught their tongue in action was a savage.

The next one while watching, I imagined myself with Lexus doing that thing. And I swear, I almost wanted to slap my face right there at that moment, bakit ko siya bigla na-imagine na gagawin naming dalawa ‘yon?! So weird and creep!

Oh my god, what was happening to me? Pinatay ko bigla ang laptop at saka nanghilamos para mahimasmasan. She realized in the end that it wasn’t really her thing watching those kind of videos.

I sent a message to our group chat and I said that I’m never going to watch it again ever, it terrorize my thoughts and conscience for sake.

Kumain na lang ako sa inorder ko sa grab saka naghanda dahil kukunin ko ang notes na ibibigay ni Lexus sa akin doon sa Osiris gaya ng napag-usapan namin last time.

But I didn’t know na sobrang early ko pa lang nag-ayos. Ganito ba ang sinasabi nila na maaga kang nag-aayos dahil may nilo-look forward kang isang bagay? I don’t know if it’s a good sign or not lalo na sa kakalatang inisip ko kanina.

Dahil napaaga ay nagpunta na lang ako doon sa Osiris. Doon na ako upo sa four seater para maraming space dahil maraming notes akong dala plus baka dito na rin si Lexus mag-aral, sasabayan ko na lang ng maraming order mamaya para sulit sa pinili kong table.

Nag-order lang muna ako ng brewed coffee para I can stay up all night para magreview at magbasa ng notes. Hindi ko kinahiligan noon ang mag-review every night but here in law school? Hindi mo masasabing pipilitin mong mag-review kasi you must talaga.

While reviewing, I received a text from him.

Lexus: I’m coming to Osiris.

Me: Okay, nandito na ako.

5 minutes had passed and I saw him entering the café. Lingon agad ang mga tao sa pa-entrance niya. Okay, gets ko naman na gwapo siya kaya lilingunin talaga kahit nakalagpas na ng tingin.

“Kanina ka pa?” he asked me.

“Yup. But don’t worry, sinadya ko talagang dumating ng maaga kasi marami akong readings and on-deck ako.” I explained, tumango siya at inayos ang pagkakaupo.

Pagkatapos ay binigay niya sa akin ‘yong brown paperbag, sinilip ko ‘yong laman at hindi bihira ang mga notes na nandoon. There were so many and some were their quizzes.

“Grabe, you have kept it well.”

“Sentimental akong tao. I don’t want to throw it away kasi pinaghirapan ko ‘yan.” Sabi naman niya.

“You don’t look like a sentimental person though, but thanks anyway for this.” I said, then I saw him winked at me and laughed after. Napa-smile na lang ako at nagmake-face. He really knows when to be serious and when to be funny.

I urged him to order para naman may makain siya while reviewing and he did. He also ordered me a hershey’s chocolate coffee and a piece of blueberry cheesecake.

“Libre mo?” I asked him.

“Why? Ayaw mo?” umiling agad ako. Oh my gosh, sinong tao sa mundo ang tumatanggi sa libre?

“Kahit kailan hindi ako tumatanggi sa libre kaya thank you.” I said and smiled at him. I heard him chuckle and scratch the side of his left brow looking so amused.

“Wait, I have a question.” I said when I remember Sab’s offer. I still hesitate na sumali because hindi ko alam ang kalakaran doon and parang nakakatakot na rin at the same time.

“Shoot it.” sabi naman niya.

“Do you have any idea about sa frat?”

“Bakit mo natanong?” he said while his forehead was creased.

“Well…my friend wanted to recruit me, matagal na nga niyang sabi kaso hindi pa ako nakapag-dedecide completely.”

“Don’t join that.” Supladong tingin niya.

“Bakit?”

“Basta lang.”

“Ano muna ‘yong basta? Tingin nga.” I teased him pero walang reaction, talagang tinitigan niya lang

ako. “Bakit? May paddle ba or something?” I added.

“No. Walang ganoon, they are just…you know when you became a lawyer already and you’re reliable for their personal gain and such, you will be their card and you cannot reject them since lahat ng privileges na nakuha mo since you started joining the frat ibabalik mo lahat sa kanila lahat ng pabor that they wanted you to do.” He explained well.

“Like what situation?” Now I became a curious cat.

“Like you had to defend a politician who happened to almost rape a person. That politician has connections in frat kaya kung sayo nakatuon ang kasong ‘yon, you just have two choices. Either you defy their wants but your life or family’s life is in danger, or you became a demon for them and you’ll have a tons of money but your soul is burning on hell and you’ll be guilty forever.”

Bakit niya alam ‘to? Did he joined a frat kung ganoon?

“Wait, member ka ba ng frat? You talk like you’re a member.”

“Yes…” he said. Nanlaki ang mga mata kong tinitigan siya ng mariin. Gago?! Hindi ba siya natatakot?

“So don’t you dare joined the frat.” Dagdag pa niya at saka sumimsim sa kape nito.

“Okay…but are you okay there?” I asked out of worried. His explanation kasi bothered be so well. Edi kapag sumali pala sa frat you have all the privileges and connections pero hawak ka nila sa leeg?

“Very okay, I mean they just can’t touch me.” He said confidently.

“Yabang.” I whispered but I received nothing but a grin from him. See the guts?

We decided to stop talking because we talked too much already and who knows if how many cases na ang nabasa namin sa loob ng mga oras na chismisan namin.

And I just realized that even when he irritates me, we have this small serious conversation aside from the teasing one. At some point, talking to him wasn’t a waste of time. Pero hindi pa rin mawala-wala sa isip ko ang kababalaghang inisip ko kanina.

“What are you thinking?” he asked me when he noticed I wasn’t focusing on reading the cases. Umiling ako sa kanya and presed my lips.

Tumango lang siya at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa niya but he looked at me again.

“Can I use your laptop just for 1 minute?”

“Sure, hindi ko naman ginagamit as of the moment, may e-reresearch ka?”

“Yup, just a random thing.” he said. Inopen ko muna kasi may password ‘yon saka ko inabot sa kanya.

“Thanks…” saad niya.

He maneuvered something on the laptop so I just continued what I was doing. Siguro mga 10 cases na lang I’m good to go na.

“Tala…” I heard him called me so I faced him. I saw that he was supressing his smile and he looks like someone who wanted to burst out of laughing but he did well on grasping on to that.

“Bakit?” kuryosong tanong ko sa kanya.

“You watches porn?” he whispered enough para kaming dalawa lang marinig. I swear, I feel hot right now and feel ko rin na sobrang pula ko na dahil sa kahihiyan. I was even too embarrassed to look at him so I immediately grabbed my laptop and deleted all my searched history.

Oh my god! Bakit hindi ko naisip na idelete ‘yon?! Why?! Gosh! gusto ko na lang talaga magpakain sa lupa ngayon.

“Pota…” sabi ko sa mahinang tono pero humaba naman ang pagkakasabi ko no’n. rinig na rinig ko ang impit na pagtawa niya kaya hindi ko rin siya matingnan ng maayos.

“I don’t watch videos like that every day, kanina lang.” pag-uumpisa ko nang hindi tumitingin sa kanya because I was too embarrassed.

“Sino ba kausap mo at sa labas ibang direksyon ka nakatingin?” he said, pero ramdam ko na nakangisi siya habang sinasabi niya ‘yon.

“Nahihiya ako…” I whispered.

“Tingin ka muna sa’kin.”

“Ayoko…” sabi ko pero sabi niya ay hindi siya makikinig sa sasabihin ko kapag hindi ako tumingin sa kanya ng maayos. Kaya I don’t have a choice but to look at him, gusto ko lang iclear ‘yong nakita niya at baka ano pang isipin niya sa akin.

“You can now explain Tala,”

I heaved a sigh at first and groaned a little tapos inayo ko ang pagkakaupo ko.

“Hindi naman talaga ako nanunuod ng mga ganyang videos. It just happened na napag-usapan namin ng mga kaibigan ko ‘yong ganyang bagay. I was just…you know, curious since I never watched it ever,” I said and stopped for a while.

“I mean, hindi ko naman sinasabi na inosente ako sa ganyang bagay. Hindi lang ako ever nanuod niyan.” I added.

“You’re curious enough kaya nagawa mong panuorin?” pag-uulit niya. Tumango ako roon. Totoo naman talaga.

“That’s just the reason and nothing else?” he asked again.

“Ayoko sanang sabihin kasi I considered it confidential, but since I am explaining myself to you and I don’t want you to take another idea why I have that certain link in my history but it’s also because I wanted to know how people kiss rightly.”

“And why do you need to know that?” ngayon ay ramdam ko ang pagka-curious cat niya.

“My boyfriend which is my ex-boyfriend dumped me because I didn’t kiss him back, that I’m too conservative, and I set too much boundaries in the relationship. Like what the hell? So anong habol niya sa akin sex lang?”

“Your ex-boyfriend is total jerk and waste.” Sabi niya, he looks angry right now.

“I know right.” Sabi ko naman.

“So you watched that because of that reasons?” tumango ako sa tanong.

“Saka, pinangako ko rin na kapag magka-boyfriend ulit ako, I’ll be more open dahil baka may mali rin sa akin. And my friend told me na, doing intimate things just spices up a relationship daw.”

“You’re right anyway.”

“You’re an active person right? I can see it.” I said to him. I was kind of surprised that we have this kind of talk.

“Yeah, you have a problem with that?” he said, he looks like worried sa magiging sagot ko.

“No. Hindi naman kasalanan ‘yon and as long as you’re not doing something wrong out of it and as long as it is consensus.” Sunod-sunod ang pagtango niya habang nakatitig sa akin.

“But you know what? I’m really curious what would it feel like kissing someone. Is it weird thinking about that?” I asked him seriously, and he also looks serious. He adjusted himself and looked at me intently.

“Gusto mong malaman kung anong feeling?” he asked and I nodded because that was really true. And I think, I’m old enough to experience it even just one moment?

“Try it with me then…” he said.