You know you've always have something else to say but you run from your heart because it is deceiving. But also I know Emma doesn't deserve it. We are together. We are lobe each other not in way Era could. There is only friendship that we have. It's always going to be that with Era and I know she has seen us that way too. If anyone would ask if I'm serious with Emma, I want to. But I have to know if she's going to stay. If it's true what John told about living in LA for good. After we eat all dinner. Everyone is tired from the surfing earlier. Most of the time, Emma and Cooper is cuddling in the living room. She seems happy. That's best for her. I never look at her anymore like I used to. I don't want to be a coward having Emma and flirting with Era at the same time. What I was doing in the kitchen earlier, I shouldn't have done it. From the moment we were interrupted, I knew it was wrong that why I needed to kiss Emma so I can know that I still feel the same for her. Only for her.
When the clock hit ten, I take her hand by mine. She needs to get out of here. She needs a fresh air. Era is silent the whole time I lead her to the shore. There's a fear of me what Emma would see us but when we get there, it's all empty spots. I keep thinking what if I told Era what really happened before with me and Cooper or just something she needs to hear out from me. She needs to understand and also have a clue why they cant be together. I don't want to her to get hurt all obse again. She's still my best friend and regardless of everything that haooend I think that still never changed. The first five minute, Era just cried and cried. Silent and the loud. Her body is steady and then it shakes. I could memorize the way she does that. The way, I think, she feels the pain and then suffers from it. It would be harder for her because she's the one watching someone she loves kissing someone else. I couldn't imagine how must that feel like. I don't I would be able to take it. It would
The ceiling reminds me of the ceiling in Anne's apartment—white and plain like pure emptiness—I have my own room there. Me and Sophie would be running around in our room but only that I would her because she couldn't walk yet. I miss her so much. So damn much. Walking up to the thoughts of her starters my heart knowing I was able to forget my responsibility of me taking care of her instead of my best friend. It's my job but I'm here having a broken heart because I was so willing in giving my heart and trust to someone who is still in love with his ex. Sophie wouldn't be happy if she finds this out when she grow enough to understand things. Anne trusted me that me that I am here to fix what I left broken with Simon but last night, I didn't think I fixed it. I was confessing. Confessing. And he is leaving. It felt like a twice stab on my heart but I didn't show it him. I couldn't find the strength to even get the tears out. I was suddenly broken and empty. He's going to be living wit
I have no idea where we're going. All I know is I need to be away from Emma far as I could. Dragging Era out of the house is the best idea I could have but then like the rest of my heart, I know nothing else except driving away without exact destination to go to. I dont want to be home right now. Its not best if we there. If I would be there, I know I will only keep thinking and overthinking because that's how I am. This tight feeling in my chest is slowly slipping away as the road gets quieter, the wind outside the window plays with our skin, and Era keeps her words inside her for the first hour. From time to time, she makes sure she doesn't look at me and ask what happened. I knew she saw it in her own eyes. And I feel so embarrassed because just last night she saw Cooper and Ana and this morning it was Emma and Mark. I feel so stupid bringing Era with me but she can't stay there with two strangers. She still holding her bag to her lap and I wonder if she ever wanted to ask me if s
I finally said it. There's no turning back now. It's out in the open and I know how much shocking it is to him. Simon doesn't blink for next the ten seconds, he just stares at the wide open space in front of us. When he doesn't say anything yet, I think he wants me to say something more about it like convince him that it's true and this isnt a game I am playing. I gather the thoughts I need to say but I know somehow some of them will fail to come out. “Her name is Sophie. Two years ago, when I left Holy Cross, I was pregnant and Brad never knew about her.” I take a breath again. Simon finally looks at me again. “What do you mean he didn't know?” He sounds angry but keeping home of himself. I stutter and want to go on without him blowing this up. “We broken up before I even knew. Remember the night found me with my brine bike? That was night I found out I was pregnant.” I sigh deeply remembering that night. It was one of the fearful stare that I ever been. I was full of anxiety. T
Saturday night when I finally decide to give Anne a call. My heart beats miles away from here and I just can't wait to tell her the good news. For sure she would be as happy as a running deer. That's who she is just being happy for my own happiness. Nothing ever compares the feeling of this to finally have Sophie with me. To live with me without worrying about Simon's reaction because he is happy. I'm glad that he didn't try point my mistakes or judgemental about it. I am one of the happiest girls ever alive.“Come on, Anne. Pick up the phone.” I whisper as a prayer. I bite on my lips as the phone continues to ring. She doesn't answer. I try again. Once. Twice. Four time. Nothing. Then I have to try again. She finally answers. There's a random noises in the background. It's been a while since I hear her voice and I can't even make out where she is. “Hello? Anne?” “Yes?” She pants, catching her breath. “Hey, sorry about that. It's just that Sophie is a wild kid. She keeps running a
When I get home from the grocery store, there's a white envelope sitting on my doormat. On the back of it Emma's name is written on right bottom part. I feel a sudden excitement what's inside it. I never heard of her ever since that morning. I know I'm supposed to be mad at her but I can't stop thinking about her these days that passed. I unlock the front door. Sit the bags on the counter and go to my room so I can focus on reading it alone. My bed isn't made it so that's not interesting really. If she's going to tell me to come with her in LA, I would never hesitate. I would do it. If she will say she doesn't love Mark anymore, that will be the time I will tell her that I can forgive and start over again. No matter what, I'm just gonna love the what I do now. A text enters into my notification, distracting me for a second. It's Era. I grab my phone and see what she says : Sophie will be here in an hour. Come straight here if you get home. :)I type fast and reply: at home, be there
I remember when I turned sixteen, with everyone gathered in the living room. When I say everyone, what I mean is my family and Simon's family. Mrs. Wellis, Kris, Simon's mother, was holding a pink cake while my mother was lifting the banner that says Happy Sweat 16.With a funny bold text in it, I couldn't stop laughing because of 'sweat' word instead of 'sweet'. Anyways, I enjoyed that day. Well almost not. My father went home with a friend. Kim wasn't there because she has date that time. But Simon was totally there. He was never absent in my special day. The thing is that day, I wish he didn't show up because my father' s friend brought his pretty daughter. She was wearing a black skirt. Her hair was in a high ponytails. Her blue denim jacket was matching with her eyes. In short, she was pretty. Pretties than I ever could. While she was all that, I was wearing a dress with its sleeves kept falling to my shoulders because it didn't fit me. Simon had her his eyes on her the entire ti