HELENA

It feels so good to wake up without irritating fights downstairs. I slept peacefully last night beside Echo. After our make-love, we fall asleep, naked and only the blanket cover our body. He hugs me tight after we make love. That is why I feel different now. I kissed him on his forehead before going downstairs to check mom and dad.

“Goodmorning”, I greeted them with a smile. I sat in front of them and looked at them sitting silently.

“It’s good to see you quiet,” I told them with a smile because I missed the old times that they love each other and we are living in a happy home. 

“I hope you are really happy now,” Mom told me, but I didn’t answer because I am not sure about what she’s trying to say.

“Please, let us go now, Helena,” Dad said

“But this our home, there is nowhere to go but home and God,” I said with a smile and while pointing up. Pointing to God up in heaven.

“Unless you want to go to your other woman”, I added while cleaning the table and glance at mama to see her reaction. She can’t look at me, and daddy didn’t reply. I look at him and ask him again. 

“Do you want to go to her?” but still no reply from him.

“Accept the fact that you will be going to be stuck here because we are your family. You don’t need her. You only need mama and me,” I told him. 

I looked back at him and told him to forget about his mistress because he is hurting mama again every time he acts weird because of his mistress.

“You need to be thankful, mama, because daddy cannot leave us anymore,” I told mama while still cleaning the table but mama remain silent, staring at me. 

“He will going to be stuck here with you, so you don’t have a problem now,” I added, and I put all the dishes that we used yesterday in the sink to wash it when I saw the door near the kitchen. I know it’s nanny’s Silva’s room. I tried to stop myself from opening it, but the feeling of missing her pushed me to open the door and get inside. I take a deep breath and roam my eyes inside her room. My heart felt heavy because I thought I already moved on from her death, but the memories linger inside this four-cornered wall. I didn’t notice that my tears are slowly rolling down from my eyes while looking at the things inside her room. The bed is clean, and the blanket nicely folds. Her clothes were hanging, and some are folded. The smell of her newly wash clothes filled the air as if she’s here waiting for me to open the door. I opened her cabinet, and I found the heart necklace with our photos inside that I gave her as a gift on her 60th birthday, besides my stick figure drawing that I gave her when I was six years old and our photo together when I was fifteen years old. She was hugging me while I do a wacky pose. I remember her smile after receiving it. She’s so happy. She hugs me, kisses me on my forehead and calls me “Daughter”, making me reminisce more about her makes my heart beat so fast. It’s been a long time, but her loss feels new to me. Seeing the necklace, the drawing and our photo. I feel like I want to scream for missing her so much because before Echo. She is the only one I have. She treated me as her daughter; she makes me feel special and loved while my parents do their selfish business and had no time for me. 

“Nanny Silva”, I cried in pain while recalling all the happy moments that we are together. The pain of losing her is undescribable which I thought I was already moved on from her death, but I am wrong because I am still crying and missing her. 

“Why you?” I asked even I know that there is no answer to it.

“I wish I can turn back the hands of time”, I cried.

“I wish you back,” I whispered while crying and put our photo close to my heart. 

Why her? I asked God deep inside even I know that he have the right not to answer. I wished my times with her never end. I remember her warm embrace, kisses, and even her life advice, always telling me to be honest, and most of all, I am beautiful inside and out. That is why she always wants me to wear a dress because she can see me like a doll and until now I am wearing a dress because of her. She inspires me in many ways, and I know that she will not be here, but she will stay inside my heart forever. She will always be miss, and she will always be remembered.

“Are you okay?” Echo asked me while tapping my shoulder. I immediately wipe my tears and look at him. “Yes”, I lied, but I didn’t convince him. 

“No, you are not,” He said

My tears start falling again. “I miss nanny Silva so much,” I cried.

“I know,” He said, and he hugs me.

“Why her?” I asked Echo while crying like a kid

“We will know the answer someday”, He answered.

“Stop crying now”, He said while wiping my tears.

“It still hurts,” I said 

“I know, the pain will be gone soon,” He said

“It just takes time,” He added and, he wiped my tears again.

“Thank you so much,” I told him.

“For what?” 

“For always being there for me”, I answered.

“Of course, because I love you.”  He said with a smile that brings butterflies to my stomach. 

“I love you too,” I told him and kissed his cheek.

“Compose yourself now and start your day,” He said because he knows that I am breaking down because of the memories of nanny Silva that I recall. I kissed him again as my thank you because he is constantly there as my comfort in my storm and my sunshine in the rain, and I am still lucky that I have Echoed in my life.

I went outside to breathe fresh air when I notice that the flowers that my nanny Silva planted getting dry and died. I remember when she planted those flowers. I was with her planting too. Getting my dress dirty, but it is okay with her because she can wash it again. The quality of time we are together is much more important than the dirt in my dress. Under the sunlight of morning, we are busy making our flowers grow; She named it Helena. All of the flowers that she planted, she named it after my name because she said that someday I would bloom beautifully like flowers that she planted, and I remember when she told me that I need to talk to the flowers sometimes because they are alive like humans. Flowers has feelings too. I remember when she said it with a smile.  That is why she also taught me the importance of planting; she planted many flowers in our backyard; some rose, jasmine, daffodils, orchids and sunflowers make our backyard colourful and beautiful.  Because she knows that someday it will give us fresh air to breathe and make our surroundings beautiful, and she’s not Wrong because when her flowers already bloomed. It gives us fresh and colourful surroundings. And it smells good too. I hurriedly open the hose to water the flowers, planted by nanny Silva and like her. I talked to them to survive them from dying. I don’t want the flowers to die because I don’t want nanny Silva’s effort to be wasted. After all, the flowers are one of her remembrance of love for me. Even though she is dead now, I can still feel her love for me by the flowers that she planted in our backyard. I feel like she’s just there watching me every time the wind blowing the flowers are waving their petals to me. Telling me that her love is legacy. 

“Don’t die, please”, I whispered to the flowers while still watering them one by one. I apologised to nanny Silva too for forgetting her flowers. I hope she’s not upset with me.