002

Ice

-

Kaia's

[past]

Sa paglipas ng limang taon, halos hindi ko na matandaan ang bawat detalye sa naging relasyon naming dalawa. I wasn't entirely sure kung sinadya ko bang kalimutan, o kusa na lang nabaon ng panahon ang lahat ng alaala.

I really hate recounting every memory I made with him.

Siguro nga, sinadya ko talagang kalimutan. Nakatulong lang ang pagdaan ng panahon sa pagkalimot ko rito. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay manunumbalik lang ang lahat ng emosyon kung pilit ko pang aalalahanin.

But I still remember that everything started that day.

The noise from the football field, where I currently am, got drowned out as I tried to finish what I'm doing.

Tanging ang tunog ng pagkikiskisan ng lapis at papel lamang ang naririnig ko. Paminsan-minsan din naman ay sinasabayan iyon ng huni ng iilang ibon at ihip ng mabining hangin.

I smiled. Malapit na matapos 'to.

We were dismissed early by our last subject teacher. And instead of going home, heto, nakatambay ako ngayon malapit sa football field habang nagpapalipas ng oras bago magpasundo sa driver namin.

Naka-indian seat ako sa lilim ng isa sa mga puno na narito. There were also several students around me, na lahat ay abala rin sa kanya-kanyang mga ginagawa.

The football field in our school wasn't that big. Mas malaki iyong sa college dahil may track at grandstand sa paligid nito. Pero itong sa amin, katamtaman lang ang laki para sa mga naglalaro ng sports na 'to rito.

It's just really enough to cater all the elementary and high school students who like to play this particular sport here in our campus.

At dahil nga maliit lang, walang nakapalibot na harang sa mismong field kung nasaan ang mga naglalaro.

The field itself is just surrounded by huge trees na madalas gawing tambayan ng mga estudyante, tulad ko. But I wasn't really frequent here. Talagang naisipan ko lang ngayon na dito muna pansamantala magpalipas ng oras dahil sa napaagang uwian.

Buti na nga lang at maaga kaming na-dismiss ngayon. I used this extra time to finish the sketch that I have been working on since last week.

Ilang segundo pa ng pagsisikap na mag shade nang maayos at sa wakas, natapos ko na rin.

I looked at the masterpiece proudly with a beam on my lips. It took me few minutes of silence to appreciate my art.

Pagkatapos kong pagmasdan ang obra ay ipinatong ko muna ang sketchpad sa aking hita at saka nag-inat ng kamay. Halos mag-iisang oras na rin kasi ako sa ganoong pwesto kung kaya't medyo ramdam ko na ang pangangalay sa aking katawan.

I looked up while doing some stretching on my neck too. Because of it, napansin kong papalubog na pala ang araw. As a result, it cast golden rays across the sky, dahilan para magmukhang pinaghalong pink at orange ang mga ulap sa paligid nito.

Nang matapos sa pag-iinat, kinuha ko na ulit ang sketchpad. Inangat ko iyon nang kaunti para maging kasing lebel ng aking mga mata. Mas lalo akong napangiti.

It's a sketch of a family picture. Our family picture.

"I'm sure Mom and Dad will be happy when they see this..." bulong ko sa sarili.

Ngunit agad na napawi ang ngiti ko nang may naalala.

Last year, I tried to give them a painting of their wedding portrait as a gift during their anniversary. But Daddy only glanced at it once, while Mommy didn't even bother to look at all.

Or maybe... my drawing just wasn't good enough?

Kung sabagay, hindi pa naman ako gaanong kabihas noon kumpara sa ngayon. I have been practicing and learning some new techniques since then. So maybe this time... they will appreciate it more?

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Tinitigan ko ulit ang sketchpad na hawak.

Hmm... but I guess Elyse would at least be happy to see this, right?

Pushing all the negative thoughts out of my head, kinuha ko ang cellphone sa bulsa ng aking palda at binuksan ang camera application.

Ilang segundo ang ginugol ko para makahanap ng maganda't matinong lighting para kunan ng litrato ang drawing. I was thinking of sending it to my sister later. That's why I took several shots of it to make sure I got the right angle.

Pinagmasdan ko isa-isa ang mga litratong nakunan nang may napansin.

May ilang linya pa pala akong hindi nabubura.

Itinabi ko ang cellphone sa hawak at kinuha ang eraser sa gilid. Ipinatong ko ulit ang sketchpad sa aking hita.

I was in the middle of erasing some few lines when a ball suddenly flew to my hand!

"May natamaan!" I heard someone shouted from afar.

Napapikit ako sa sakit na unti-unting rumihestro sa akin.

Sa bilis kasi ng pangyayari, hindi ko pa gaanong naramdaman agad iyon. But the more that it sinks in to me, the more I feel the pain.

I stayed still for a minute or so. Hindi pa rin makapaniwala sa nangyari.

"I'm sorry, miss... hindi ko sinasadya."

Dahan-dahan akong dumilat at unang tumambad sa akin ay ang mala-abong mata ng lalaking nakatayo ngayon sa harapan ko.

I squinted my eyes as I slowly take him in. He's tall and a bit fair. Matikas ang tindig at bagsak ang may katamtamang haba na buhok. Makapal ang kanyang kilay na bumagay sa kanyang matangos na ilong.

His lips were also a bit reddish. Hindi ko alam kung natural lang ba iyon o may kumagat na kung ano para mamula iyon nang husto.

He is wearing a dark green jersey with a logo of our school in the upper left corner. Pawisan ito at namumula rin ang balat, na tila ba nababad sa initan pero imbes na mangitim ay namumula lang.

Sandaling nagtama ang tingin naming dalawa. Una nga lang siyang bumitaw para tumingin sa ibaba.

I looked at his side and realized that he's part of the football team in our school na kasalukuyang nagpapractice ngayon sa field. I also saw some of his teammates jogging over here to probably see what's going on.

Bumaling ulit ako sa lalaking nasa harapan ko. His eyes are now back at me too.

He must be the one at fault, then?

"What happened, dude? Natamaan nga?" tanong ng isang player na nakalapit sa amin.

The guy standing in front of me only nodded without even looking at the one who asked. Nanatili siyang seryosong nakadungaw sa akin.

He licked his lower lip when I only stayed silently gawked at him.

"We should probably go to the clinic and have your hand checked," he nudged his head towards my hand, dahilan para mapatingin din ako roon.

But instead of focusing on my now-reddened hand, mas napukaw ng pansin ko ang papel sa sketchpad na napunit.

What the...

Hindi lang maliit na punit 'yon!

The masterpiece that I have been working on since last week is ruined now!

Napabaling ang tingin ko sa eraser na tumilapon hindi kalayuan sa pwesto ko. The impact from the ball must have caused the eraser in my hand to tear the paper, kaya nagkagano'n!

Unti-unti akong nanlumo. My eyes began to water as the realization hit me.

At talagang hindi pa ako sa sakit ng kamay maiiyak, kung 'di sa nararamdamang panghihinayang at inis dahil sa tinamo ng drawing na pinaghirapan ko!

But it's understandable, right? My efforts were wasted in the blink of an eye! Kakatapos ko pa lang no'n!

Pumikit ako at agad na huminga nang malalim.

If I'm gonna cry, I'm definitely not doing it in front of our school's football players.

Saka lang ako dumilat nang medyo napigilan na ang mga luhang nagbabadya sa gilid ng aking mata kani-kanina lang.

When I felt a bit more collected, I quickly packed my things. Nang matapos, agad na akong tumayo at pinagpag ang palda.

I slightly flinched nang tumama ang kamay ko sa strap ng bag ko. That's when I only remembered that it was hurt. Halos makalimutan ko ang sakit noon kanina dahil sa nag-uumapaw na inis at gigil sa sinapit ng drawing ko.

If I had only gone home earlier, for sure, this wouldn't have happened!

Ano ba kasing naisipan ko at bakit pa nga ba ako tumambay dito? Kung minamalas nga naman! Talagang ngayon pa ito nangyari kung kailan natapos ko na!

I was brought back to reality when I noticed that more players flocked in front of me.

Some were also asking what happened. Some recognized me. Some sounded genuinely concerned. But I didn't entertain anyone. I didn't even look their way.

Hindi na ako sumagot sa kahit anong tanong at nagsimula na lang na maglakad paalis doon. My eyes started to water again.

Gusto kong maiyak sa inis!

But before I could even get farther from the field, a hand grabbed at my left arm.

Napasinghap ako sa pagkabigla at napabaling sa may-ari ng kamay.

"Hey, wait! Miss..."

It was the guy with the ash-gray eyes who stopped me in my tracks.

"I'm really sorry about your hand. Let me come to the clinic with you."

Humakbang siya palapit at tumabi sa gilid ko.

I immediately looked up to stop my tears from falling. Kanina pa iyon namumuo at konting kalabit na lang ay kakawala na sana.

Nang masigurado kong hindi na 'ko maiiyak, saka lang ako muling bumaling sa lalaki sa tabi ko.

He looked serious as his brooding eyes focused on me. Tila ba naninimbang sa aking magiging reaksyon.

From his eyes, my gaze wandered down to his hand, na hanggang ngayon ay nakahawak pa rin sa kaliwang braso ko.

Agad niya namang kinalas iyon nang mapansin ang tingin ko roon. He raised both of his hands like a sign of surrender.

"Oh, sorry about that..."

Kumunot ang noo ko. And instead of saying something back, tumango na lang ako at tumalikod na para makapaglakad muli.

I'm still trying to calm my nerves from my overwhelming emotions. Lalo na ngayon na halo-halo ang nararamdaman ko, I think it would be best for me to not open my mouth. Baka kasi ay kung ano pa ang masabi ko.

Kahit na alam kong hindi naman talaga sinasadya iyong paglipad ng bola sa kinaroroonan ko, it still felt like it was intentional. And I know it's my irrational side that's taking over. Hindi lang naman kasi kamay ko ang napuruhan, maging ang drawing na pinaghirapan ko nitong nakaraang linggo.

Alam kong wala akong dapat na sisihin. But that fact only pisses me more. I only have myself to blame for staying in that stupid field when I could have gone home earlier.

Pinauwi na nga kasi nang maaga, hindi pa umuwi agad! Ayan tuloy!

Papunta na dapat ako sa parking lot nang may nagsalita mula sa likuran ko.

"I think the clinic is on the other side."

Hindi ko na dapat ulit papansinin nang magsalita itong muli.

"This leads to the parking lot. Walang daanan pa-clinic dito."

I stopped myself from walking further. Nilingon ko ito.

He licked his lower lip when our eyes met. My brows furrowed. Has he been tailing me the whole time?

"Were you following me?"

Medyo malayo na ang bandang 'to sa football field, kaya nakakapagtaka naman na nakasunod pa rin siya hanggang ngayon sa akin. I was so focused on my rage that I didn't really feel that someone's behind me the entire time.

"Uh, yeah..." he replied in wasn't-it-obvious-tone. "I thought you were going to the clinic. I told you earlier that I'd go with you—"

Agad ko siyang pinutol sa pagsasalita. Not needing to hear anything from him more.

"It's okay. I got it. You can go now."

Kumunot ang noo niya at napatingin sa kamay kong natamaan.

Tumalikod na ako. I resumed walking towards the parking area. Mas binilisan ko ang lakad nang sa malayo pa lang ay hindi ko nakita sa usual spot ang sasakyan namin.

"But your hand's gonna bruise if you don't put ice on it."

Napahinto ulit ako. Nilingon ko ang likuran nang kaunti.

Nakasunod pa rin?

"I said it's okay. Really. Don't bother yourself," mariin kong sambit. Medyo naiinis na dahil imbes na mahanap na ang driver namin, nagtatagal pa ako rito sa pakikipag-usap sa kanya.

Bumuntong-hininga siya. Pinasadahan niya ang buhok pero ginulo rin nang marahan bago itinuro ang kamay kong namumula.

"Magpapasa nga 'yan kapag—"

Nilingon ko na siya nang tuluyan. "Yes, I know. Kaya nga sabi ko kaya ko na—"

Pinutol niya ako. "Then why aren't you going to the clinic first? Para malagyan na ng yelo."

"Because I prefer to ice it at home!" Hindi ko na napagilan ang pagtaas ng boses.

I just really want to go home! Asan na ba kasi si Manong Roy?

He sighed again. "Look, I was just being nice. Natamaan kita, but what happened wasn't intentional."

"Alam ko. That's why I told you to don't bother yourself. I got it. Kaya ko na ang sarili ko," timpi kong sambit.

"Then at least let me accompany you to the clinic first."

Halos mapigtal na ang ugat sa gilid ng noo ko sa sobrang irita. Pupwede naman kasing umalis na lang siya!

Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang siya bumalik sa field? It seems like they were in the middle of a practice earlier. Ang dami niya namang oras para manggulo pa rito!

Huminga ako nang malalim at pumikit.

Okay. I know he's just being nice. And maybe I am being a difficult bitch. Pero ano ba kasi sa sinabi ko ang hindi niya maintindihan? Clearly, I don't need his help! Kung kailangan ko iyon, 'di sana ay tinanggap ko na kanina pa! Can't he see that I want to be left alone?

"I said it's okay."

"But we should really go to—"

Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin nang iritado akong humakbang papalapit sa kanya. I gritted my teeth.

"Sinabi ngang okay na! Bakit ba ang kulit mo? I don't need your concern right now! My drawing got ruined and my hand freaking hurts! Your concern won't make it alright, so, please... just get lost and mind your own business!"

His jaw clenched. Frustration is now evident on his ash-gray eyes. Then he muttered something under his breath. At kahit malapit na kami ngayon sa isa't-isa, hindi ko pa rin iyon narinig. Baka minumura na ako o kung ano? Ewan ko! Pero kung umalis na kasi siya kanina pa lang, then we wouldn't get here at this point!

Kasalanan ko bang hindi siya makaintindi?

Tinalikuran ko na siya ulit at nagsimulang maglakad.

But I was only three steps in before I shrieked in horror nang bigla na lang akong umangat!

Gulat akong napatingin sa kanya pero blangko lang ang ekspresyon na mayroon siya. He didn't even bother looking at me. He just looked straight ahead of us like there's nothing unusual with what he's doing.

The nerve of this guy!

"Ano ba? Ibaba mo nga ako! Bakit ba ang kulit mo?!" singhal ko sa kanya. I shrieked more nang makabawi sa gulat nang pagbuhat niya sa akin.

Umirap siya sa kawalan. "Ikaw ang makulit. We'll just go to the clinic to ice your hand. After that, I'll go."