III: Innocence Doesn't Beat It

III: Innocence Doesn't Beat It.

~XENOS~

“What has she been up to?" I asked Franca, my housekeeper as she poured my evening tea.

"Nothing serious, Your Majesty. Sometimes, she asks me about the healing herbs around and…” She bit her words. "And she's just a curious and loving young lady."

“It's going to rain soon…” Lowell, my Hand walked in, his voice cutting through the heavy wind.

“It really is," I muttered, resting against the window frame, my gaze fixed on the tree, assuming the same posture as him.

“Did you send for her already?" He asked, like he'd been waiting for the moment Franca stepped out.

“Can you be quiet and let me enjoy watching?"

He allowed half a second to pass. “We both know you're not staring at anything, Your Majesty."

Fuck Lowell. He knew how to feed poison and antidote in the same damn minute.

“It's been two weeks, if I'm correct" and it's been a week and only five days since your return from France.

"Why are you even keeping her?” He was no longer watching his tongue, and at one point, I already figured that was exactly what I needed.

A truth I'd never deny was the fact that I didn't know why I was keeping her. Maybe because she was too innocent to be chosen by me.

Her innocence that day had gotten a part of me I didn't realize still existed.

“You know why, Lowell." He knew every damn reason.

"She's not the first and you never know until you try, Your Majesty.” He said, his face hardening with determination.

"Then what if trying takes her away?" I turned to him. “What if trying makes her the tenth to die for my sake, Lowell?"

“Then you keep trying." He gritted.

In a long while, he hadn't spoken to me like that, despite our bond that travelled way back to our teenage years.

His voice and words crawled to a hot point inside of me. “You do not fucking get my point, Lowell." I was walking towards him. "Doing it makes me selfish, Lowell. Evil!”

I gripped the chest of his coat, shoving every word right into his face. "Claiming that girl as mine would only make me selfish because you know what happens the moment I claim her…” The words tasted bitter before I even said them.

He was quiet, and then he narrowed his eyes at mine. “You've never been like this, Xen."

I bit my lower lip, releasing my grip. “She dies, Lowell. You know it."

“Nine other women died for the same reason and you know your curse won't stop until you find the one to give you an heir—"

“Are you listening to yourself, Lowell?" I questioned, my brows arched. “Nine have died for the same damn reason. Doesn't make the tenth if she died too? She doesn't even know about it."

“Do you love her?" His question that triggered something indescribable in my chest.

"It's not about love. I don—”

"Do you, Xenos Nikolai, love the girl?” He asked in the manner the fifteen-year-old version of himself would have.

"You don't.” He shook his head, so sure.

"You have to get yourself out of your curse before it's too late, Xen. You have to find the one to give you an heir and how would you know if you don't try?”

"You're not listening.” I started calmly. "This woman dies if she's not the right one, and she'll be the tenth. What are you even thinking?”

He patted my shoulder gently. "As long as she's not Odessa, you’re not giving a fuck.”

"Don't bring Odessa into this!” The room went silent because he knew better than to answer.

Odessa was not just a name. She was the belief I had carried for years. The woman I thought fate had chosen.

The only person I ever felt truly happy around… until she disappeared.

And now, Roenna Lancaster existed as a woman who was supposed to be nothing more than a means to an end.

Yet somehow, I found myself standing at my window every morning, watching every moment she walked through the gardens.

Not because I loved her, but because she was innocent in ways I never knew existed.

“Don't bring Odessa into this, Lowell,” I repeated, my blood boiling beneath my skin.

Lowell didn't flinch and that was what irritated me the most about him.

Everyone else knew when to lower their heads before the King.

He had known me before the crown…before the curse…before I became something everyone feared.

“Then do whatever the fuck you have to do to get out of this shit,” he said.

My eyes narrowed. “Careful.”

“Why?” His voice sharpened. “Because I am trying to help you get yourself out of whatever God damn compassion you're now drowning in?”

My fingers curled tightly. So tight that I could feel my veins stretch. “You know nothing.”

“No, Xen. I know everything.” He stepped closer. “I know you look for reasons to not claim this girl because you do not think she might be the one.”

The room went still as a dangerous silence occupied the air. “You are wrong.”

“Am I?” His question struck harder than it should have. “Or is it that you love the new girl?"

My chest tightened. Another wrong one—

“Because you have spent years trying to break something, but the moment she walks into this palace, you are suddenly confused and cannot stop drowning in guilt.”

“Enough!” My fists curled tighter.

“You don't want to admit it and we both know, Xen—” God. Now I wanted to drive a punch straight at his temple.

I turned my back on him. “Enough of your bullshit, Lowell.”

“Then stop pretending you don't want to solve your damn problem." Something inside me snapped because suddenly, he was too close.

I turned sharply toward him. “You want the truth?”

My voice dropped. “You want me to stop hiding, don't you?”

I walked toward the door. “Fine.”

Lowell's expression had changed. He lowered his voice, “Xen—”

I ignored him as I pulled both sides of the door open.

The guards were on point there but I shut the door back, allowing my heart to lead me this one more time. "What if she dies? What do you do about it?.”

He exhaled so hard I saw his chest rise and fall.

I didn't want to repeat myself else, we'd settle this fight like we always had— with punches to each other's guts and almost ripping our hearts out. “Because now, I want to claim the girl and take my damn curse away!”

He bit down on his jaw because he knew exactly what his words had done—I had spent two weeks keeping my distance and convincing myself that distance would keep her safe from me.

And now, in a moment of anger, I was ready to shatter my own rule. “Xenos—”

I looked back at him with my anger still burning through every part of me and beneath it was something far more dangerous.

Curiosity, fear, and anger all unified into one emotion my wolf had needed from me that night.

“Let us see if you are right.” The frost words left my mouth. “Let us see if she survives me.”

“You never know until you—” His tone was more collected, but I was really done hearing him talk.

My jaw tightened. “I know. And I still remember every fucking one of them.”

He lowered his face.

Every face, every scream, every last breath… he witnessed them all.

I had promised myself I would never let it happen again.

But the curse did not care about promises.

Only an heir would break it.

I didn't want a mate, but I could choose a breeder and claim her… but at the same time, it demanded a sacrifice if I claimed the wrong one.

My fingers curled.

“The same way you watched me lose all my senses and become a beast at every full moon is the same way you watched them all die."

Lowell's eyes widened slightly. “Xen.”

I didn't look at him. "The same way you watched me become numb to pain is the same way you watched the doctors lower every time they failed to save each of them. And it happened nine fucking times, Lowell.”

He didn't say a word and I knew what it meant. Lowell had feelings too.

He wasn't as brutal as his rational thoughts and words appeared.

I mind-linked the guards outside the door to walk in.

Right now, calling that girl was not just an order.

It was a decision and a step closer to breaking the curse or simply a step closer to destroying another innocent life.

The doors opened as the guard bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

I wanted to watch Lowell's reaction to every single word. “Bring Roenna Lancaster to me."

The words left my mouth before I could take them back.

And for the first time in nine years… I feared what my own command would cost me.