Simula

Lellah's POV

​I’ve been married for two years, but not once in my entire life have I seen his face or known his name. Kumbaga, natali ako sa isang tao na hindi ko naman kilala dahil lang sa kagustuhan ng mga magulang ko.

​I had no choice. Itatakwil nila ako kapag hindi ko sinunod ang gusto nila. If I didn't agree with them, they would kick me out. Mawawala lahat ng pinaghirapan ko sa trabaho at ayokong mangyari 'yon.

​I’ve been a designer with all their support, and now that I’m under their company, I still don’t feel like I’m really a designer. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako nag-grow dahil lagi silang nasusunod pagdating sa desisyon. Kailangan pang humingi ng permission sa kanila kung anong mas magandang gawin.

​I have no freedom at all.

​"Lel, ayos ka lang? Ba't hindi ka nakasama sa amin no'ng umuwi kami?" tanong ng isa sa mga kasama ko, si Kissha.

​I don’t want to remember it. I’m married, but because of alcohol, I gave my virginity to some stranger. Ano na lang ang sasabihin sa akin ng asawa ko, na malandi ako? Paano pag nalaman ng pamilya ko?

​I fvcked up last night! Gusto ko na lang ma-amnesia.

​Hilaw akong ngumiti. "Hindi ko na maalala, Kish."

​"Lellah! Pinapatawag ka sa higher-up!" sigaw naman ni Atari, isa sa mga kontrabida sa buhay ko. "Kung anu-ano kasi ang inaatupag. Mali-mali na naman siguro ang nagawa," parinig nito.

​"Sige na, Kish, sa taas lang ako," nagmamadaling paalam ko sa kanya.

​Habang sakay ng elevator, hindi ko maiwasang manlamig. My hands were trembling, at habang papalapit ako, mas lalo akong kinakabahan. Gusto ko na lang umurong.

​Pagdating doon, I even practiced knocking, not until biglang bumukas ang pinto. My lips parted, my hands hanging in the air, ready to knock.

​Tumingin sa akin ang lalaking naka-shades ng itim. He was wearing a well-tailored suit, and a glimmering diamond watch adorned his wrist, reflecting the harsh office lights.

​Sa taranta, paulit-ulit akong yumuko. "Sorry po. Mali po yata ako—"

​"Hindi ka namali. She's actually waiting for you," wika ng lalaki.

His voice was deep, so deep that it sounded like a bedroom voice. Malamig din ang boses niya, pero hindi nakakatakot. It was kind of soothing to me.

​"Who are you talking to, Linden?"

​Linden. What a unique name.

​"One of your employees," wika ng lalaki. "Lellah, right?"

​Napatingala ako sa kanya. Alam niya ang pangalan ko? Pero ngayon ko lang siya nakita o na-meet.

​"Lellah!"

​At bago pa ako makasagot, hinatak na ako ni Cynthia papasok. Hindi ko man lang nasagot iyong lalaki.

"Ano na naman 'tong ipinasa mong sketches, Lellah? Are you even trying?" ​Bungad sa akin ni Cynthia pagkasara na pagkasara ng pinto.

Halos tumalon ang puso ko sa gulat nang ibagsak niya ang folder sa harap ko. She was looking at me with pure disappointment, ‘yung tingin na para bang wala akong kwentang empleyado.

​"I followed the instructions, Ma’am. Sabi niyo po kasi, minimalist lang dapat at simple ang lines para sa spring collection—"

"Minimalist? This is plain! This is boring!" she cut me off, her voice rising. "Wala na bang bago? Lagi ka na lang ganito. You’re lucky your parents own half of this building, or else matagal na kitang sinipa sa team. You’re wasting my time and the company’s resources! You're a disgrace to your family's name."

​Napayuko ako at mariing napakagat sa ibabang labi ko. Sinusubukan kong pigilan ang luha at ang namumuong frustration sa dibdib ko.

This is exactly what I mean. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many sleepless nights I spend sketching, it's never enough. Para lang akong isang puppet sa paningin nila, isang tau-tauhan na walang sariling boses. Pakiramdam ko, ang tanging silbi ko lang ay ang apelyidong dala ko at ang kasal na pilit na ipinataw sa akin.

​Gusto ko sanang sumagot. Gusto kong sabihin na ang mga sketches na iyon ang pinakamalinis na gawa ko, pero alam kong wala ring patutunguhan. Cynthia always had it out for me. Siguro dahil alam niyang hindi ako makakalaban dahil sa utos ng mga magulang ko na kailangang maging submissive ako sa lahat ng aspeto.

​"Ayusin mo 'yan. I want a complete redesign by five PM or don't bother coming back tom—"

​Clack.

​The sound of the door opening made Cynthia stop mid-sentence. Pareho kaming napalingon sa pinto. My heart skipped a beat. It was him. It was Linden.

​Dahan-dahan siyang naglakad papasok, and suddenly, the spacious office felt incredibly cramped. Parang umurong ang hangin sa paligid. He didn't even spare a glance at Cynthia, his eyes, though still hidden behind those dark shades, felt like they were fixed directly on me. Ramdam ko ang bigat ng titig niya na tila binabasa ang bawat takot na nararamdaman ko.

​"That's enough, Cynthia," he said calmly. Pero kahit mahinahon ang boses niya, may kakaibang awtoridad doon na nagpatahimik sa buong kwarto. It was an undeniable command that made Cynthia’s jaw drop in shock.

​"B-but, Sir Linden... the designs are mediocre. She's not meeting the standards of the department—"

​"The designs are exactly what I’m looking for," putol niya sa reklamo ni Cynthia.

​Humakbang siya palapit sa amin. Pakiramdam ko bawat yabag ng sapatos niya sa sahig ay parang tambol sa pandinig ko. When he stood beside me, the scent of expensive woodsmoke and mint completely surrounded me. It was a masculine, intoxicating scent, a scent that felt strangely familiar but I couldn't place where I'd smelled it before. Siguro dahil sa sobrang panic ko kagabi, lahat ng alaala ko ay malabo.

​Linden reached for the folder on the desk. Sandali niyang tiningnan ang mga sketches ko bago muling ibinaling ang atensyon sa akin.

Lalo akong nanginig. What if he’s just like them? What if he's here to mock me too?

​"Pure, raw, and full of potential," he murmured, almost to himself. "I don't need perfect designs, Cynthia. I need someone who understands the soul of the fabric. And she has it."

​Napanganga si Cynthia. "Sir, you can't be serious. She's just a junior—"

​"I am very serious," Linden countered, his voice turning cold. He turned to me, and for a second, I felt like he could see right through my skin, past my trembling hands, and straight into my secrets. "Pack your things, Lellah."

​"P-Po? Ano pong ibig niyong sabihin?" Nauutal kong sabi.

Tinatanggal na ba niya ako sa trabaho?

"Tinatanggal—"

​"No, inililipat kita. I need a personal designer for the upcoming international gala, and I’ve decided you’re the one."

​Humarap siya kay Cynthia na ngayon ay namumutla na sa inis at gulat. Linden’s presence was so overwhelming that the air itself seemed to vibrate.

​"Starting today, she’ll be working directly under me. Sa office ko siya magre-report, and no one, not even you or her parents, can dictate what she does without my approval."

​I stood there, frozen. Working under him? Directly? Sa gitna ng gulo ng buhay ko at sa takot na malaman ng asawa ko ang nangyari kagabi, heto ang isang estranghero na biglang naging boss ko.

​Sino ka ba talaga, Linden?