FIRST TIME

Ruth had never been one to overthink her virginity. Ruth's virginity was neither a badge of honor nor a burden; it simply existed. As a pastor's daughter, she had absorbed every variation of the purity speech, from impassioned sermons to casual dinner-table anecdotes. Yet, none of it ever truly resonated with her. At 25, on the cusp of becoming a lawyer, she remained a virgin, not due to some grand moral conviction, but because the opportunity had never felt truly compelling.

Her friends, aware of her status, reacted with amusement or bewilderment. During truth-or-dare sessions, her admission typically drew laughter or empathetic nods. Some urged her to "just get it over with," but Ruth remained unfazed. Virginity didn't define her; she was shaped by her ambition, her intellect, and her dry wit. If it happened, it happened. If not, she had other pursuits. She wasn't waiting for marriage, nor was she holding out for a fairy-tale romance. She wasn't even entirely sure what she was waiting for.

Ruth had considered the possibility of being asexual. She didn't crave sex with the intensity some of her friends did, but she cherished physical touch and the intimacy of being cared for. She loved kissing, being held, and, on rare occasions, receiving oral pleasure. The thrill of someone's hands exploring her body excited her. Yet, the thought of intercourse itself remained strangely... detached. 

Ruth had even entertained the possibility of being attracted to women. She attempted to explore this with a soprano from her church choir, a beautiful woman with a warm smile. However, when the moment came to reciprocate, when it was Ruth’s turn to taste her partner, she found herself unable to. She truly wanted to, yet her body and mind wouldn’t align. The same held with men. She had once tried to give a boyfriend a blowjob, and while she found the act of being submissive surprisingly thrilling, the overall experience left her feeling indifferent.

Then Jason Somlander entered her life, and everything she thought she knew about herself began to unravel.

Jason was decidedly not her type. He was tall and broad, with a subtly rugged build and glasses that lent him an air of quiet intellect. His clean-shaven face might be deemed unremarkable by many, yet something in his demeanor, confident but unassuming, caught her entirely off guard. Perhaps it was his deliberate, thoughtful way of speaking, or how his voice dipped into a soft, rumbling cadence that sent a shiver across her skin. Or perhaps it was simply the sheer absurdity of her attraction to him, given he was studying the church alongside her father, making him impossible to dismiss.

He wasn't flashy or overbearing like other men who had sought her attention. Jason possessed an almost magnetic stillness, a calm presence that compelled people to lean closer when he spoke. And Ruth? She found herself leaning in as well.

It began innocently enough: conversations after church, shared laughter over coffee. He would inquire about her legal studies, and she would deftly deflect with a witty remark about church politics. But then came the lingering glances, the way his eyes would momentarily trace her lips as she spoke. There was the subtle warmth of his hand brushing hers when he passed her a hymnal, and the faintest hint of tension permeating the air whenever they found themselves alone.

Ruth didn’t know what to do with these burgeoning feelings. She wasn’t accustomed to desiring someone, especially not with this intensity. Jason ignited a profound want within her. It wasn’t mere attraction; it was a deep, unsettling hunger. This sensation terrified her as much as it thrilled her.

For his part, Jason appeared oblivious, or perhaps he wasn't. Maybe he felt just as conflicted, torn between his budding pastoral career and the unspoken connection blossoming between them. Regardless, he maintained his composure, never overstepping the bounds of propriety. Ruth, however, proved less disciplined. She found herself lingering in his presence, wearing slightly shorter skirts to church events, and "accidentally" brushing against him during group activities. Her father, of course, had quickly put a stop to the shorter skirts.

One evening, after a particularly intense Bible study session, they found themselves alone in the church office. Ruth was reorganizing documents when Jason walked in, his tie loosened, his sleeves rolled up. He looked... unrestrained. He leaned against the doorway, watching her with an intensity that made her breath catch.

“You’re working late,” he said, his voice softer than usual.

“Someone has to,” she replied, attempting to sound casual as her hands fumbled with the stack of books.

He stepped closer, his presence filling the small office. “You’re always so diligent. I admire that about you.”

Her pulse quickened. “Thanks,” she managed, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jason reached out, his fingers brushing hers as he took the book she was holding. The contact sent an electric jolt through her, and she dropped the rest of the stack with a sudden clatter.

“Sorry,” she muttered, bending down to gather the fallen books.

He went down to her. His gaze dropped to her lips, then lifted back to her eyes.

“Ruth,” he murmured, his voice low and rough. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to be around you?”

Her heart slammed against her ribs. “Jason, I….”

“Don’t,” he said, cutting her off. “Don’t say anything unless you mean it.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Instead, she reached up, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, and pulled him down into a fervent kiss.

The kiss was unlike anything Ruth had ever experienced. It wasn’t just a kiss; it was magical. His lips were soft yet demanding, moving against hers with a rhythm that felt both foreign and utterly natural, as if they were made to fit together.

Her fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt as his hands cupped her face, his thumbs brushing her cheekbones with a tenderness that left her yearning. Every nerve in her body ignited, her senses overwhelmed by the fierce heat of his mouth, the faint scent of his cologne, the rasp of his stubble against her skin.

Their breaths mingled, shallow and desperate, as if they couldn’t get close enough. His tongue traced her bottom lip, seeking entrance, and she granted it without hesitation. The profound intimacy of his exploration stole her breath, his intensity making her knees weak.

Jason groaned softly, a low, guttural sound that sent a jolt of heat straight to her core. His hands moved from her face to her waist, his grip firm as he pulled her closer, erasing the sliver of space between them. She felt his solid weight, the unmistakable evidence of his desire pressing into her stomach.

Ruth barely registered the clatter of books to the floor as Jason swept the stack off the table behind her. His movements were both precise and urgent, as though he couldn't decide whether to savor the moment or lose himself in it entirely. Before she could protest, or even think, he lifted her effortlessly, settling her on the now-cleared surface.

The cold wood against her thighs sent a rush of opposing heat through her veins, grounding her for just a moment before his lips found hers again. This time, the kiss was slower, deeper, yet no less consuming. His hands slid to her hips, fingers digging into her curves as he stepped between her legs, fitting himself against her in a way that made her gasp.

Jason broke the kiss, his lips trailing a path down her jaw to the sensitive spot just below her ear. Ruth shivered as his breath ghosted over her skin, his teeth gently grazing the delicate curve of her neck before his tongue soothed the mark.

“You have no idea,” he murmured against her skin, his voice rough and low, “how long I’ve wanted to do this.”

She couldn’t respond, couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe. All she could do was tilt her head back, giving him better access as his lips moved lower, pressing kisses along her collarbone. His hands slid up her sides, his thumbs brushing the underside of her breasts, and she instinctively arched into him, craving more of his touch.

“Jason,” she whispered, her voice trembling. It wasn’t a plea, nor a protest, just his name, spoken like a prayer.

He pulled back just enough to meet her gaze, his dark eyes searching hers. “Tell me to stop,” he said, his voice tight, as though the words caused him pain. “If this isn’t what you want, tell me now.”

But stopping was the last thing on her mind. Reaching up, she cupped his face, her thumb brushing over his lips. “Don’t stop,” she said, her voice steady despite the storm raging inside her. “I want this. I want you.”

His resolve shattered in an instant. With a groan, he captured her lips again, his hands exploring her body with a newfound urgency. Ruth surrendered completely, her heart pounding as he lay her back against the table, their kisses deepening, intensifying, as the world around them faded away.

It became them. 

In private, the world faded into insignificance. Jason would kiss her like she was the only thing that mattered, his hands cupping her face, his lips brushing hers with an intimacy that left her breathless.

 They would spend hours together, their conversations flowing effortlessly, punctuated by stolen kisses and laughter that made her cheeks ache. 

One evening, after Jason had picked her up from campus, they sat parked by the lake, the car windows fogged from the cool night air. Moonlight reflected on the water, casting a silvery glow over everything. Ruth leaned her head against the window, her hands folded in her lap.

“What are you thinking about?” Jason asked, his voice low and warm.

She turned to face him, her lips curving into a soft smile. “You.”

His brows lifted slightly in playful surprise. “Me? What about me?”

She tilted her head, studying him. “How you make me feel… safe, seen, truly known. It’s new for me. And honestly, a little terrifying.”

Jason reached across the console, his hand covering hers. “Terrifying, huh? I didn’t know I had that effect on you.” His grin softened into something far more serious. “But for what it’s worth, you’ve made me feel the same. I never expected… this.”

“This?” she echoed, a brow raised.

He squeezed her hand gently. “You. Us. Discovering a connection that challenges me in ways I didn’t even know I needed. I came here to learn about the church, and now…” He chuckled, a simple, genuine sound.

Her breath caught, the weight of his words sinking in. “Falling?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jason’s thumb brushed over her knuckles. “I think it’s safe to say I’ve already fallen, Ruth. Hard.”

Her words tumbled out before she could stop them. “I think I’m in love with you, Jason.” She hadn't realized that she loved him until tonight.

“I’ve also been considering something,” Ruth began, her voice hesitant, a new vulnerability in her tone.

Jason turned his head toward her, his brow furrowing slightly. “That sounds dangerous,” he teased, but his tone remained gentle, openly encouraging her to continue.

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "I'm serious. I've been thinking about... us. About taking the next step." She paused, her gaze steady. "I want us to have sex."

His expression shifted, his gaze sharpening with concern. "Ruth, are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured."

She reached out, placing her hand on his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her palm. "I've never been more certain about anything. I trust you, Jason. I want this."

He covered her hand with his, his fingers lacing through hers. "I need you to know something," he said, his tone serious and unwavering. "This isn't just physical for me. It never has been. If we do this, it's because I see a future with you. I'm not going anywhere."

Her heart swelled at his words. "I know," she said, her voice steady despite the rush of emotions swirling inside her. "That's why I want it to be you."

Jason leaned in, his forehead resting against hers. "You have no idea what you mean to me, Ruth."

He kissed her then, fast and sharp, stealing her breath away.

When had she become this person? Someone so utterly in love that her mind felt like mush, her thoughts as fluid as water, and her heartbeat so rapid it threatened to escape her chest. Ruth had invited Jason over to her dorm for the evening. It wasn't their first time there; they often sought refuge from the constant watchfulness of her parents at home. Tonight, they planned to watch a movie, though Ruth secretly hoped for the possibility of spending time with him.

The movie played on, but Ruth could barely focus. She was too aware of Jason’s presence, the warmth radiating from his body, and the way his hand occasionally grazed hers when they reached for popcorn simultaneously.

“You okay?” he asked, turning to look at her when she hadn’t laughed at a particularly funny scene.

She nodded, smiling faintly. “Yeah. Just… thinking.”

“About what?” His tone was light, but his eyes held the weight of genuine curiosity.

“Us,” she admitted, her voice soft. “Me, you, intimacy.”

Jason’s face softened. He shifted, angling his body toward hers. “You mean the world to me, Ruth,” he said, his voice low. “You know that, right?”

She nodded, her chest tightening at the sincerity in his tone. Without another thought, she leaned in and kissed him.

At first, it was gentle, a brush of lips that ignited a profound hunger within her. But then it shifted. The kiss deepened, grew more voracious, their hands finding each other instinctively. Jason’s fingers tangled in her hair, while Ruth’s hands explored the firm planes of his chest.

“Wait, stop here. I had a whole plan and…” he stammered nervously, pulling back slightly, his eyes searching hers. “Ruth,” he began, his voice steady but serious, “we need to talk before this goes any further.”

She froze, a sudden nervousness gripping her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he assured her, taking her hands in his. “I just… I need to know that this is what you truly want. You’ve told me before that you’ve never really been with anyone, and I don’t want you to feel pressured. Not by me, not by anything.”

Her heart swelled at his words. He cared enough to ensure she was certain.

“I’m sure, Jason,” she said, her voice steady. “I’ve never been more certain about anything. I love you, and I want to share this with you. With only you.”

Her lips curved into a soft smile. “So stop overthinking and just kiss me.”

Jason stood, taking her hand and gently guiding her toward the small bed in the corner of the room.

“I had a whole plan, my parents’ cabin, food, wine, flowers, cake,” he continued, still facing her.

She tilted her head up to look at him, smiling at his attempt to lighten the mood. “I don’t care about all that,” she replied. “I just want to be with you.”

Jason laughed, the kind of laugh that started deep in his chest and made her heart flutter. “You keep saying things like that, Ruth,” he said as he leaned in closer, “and I’ll never stop loving you.”

Before she could respond, he kissed her. It was a kiss full of warmth and longing, making her toes curl as her fingers instinctively tangled in his shirt, pulling him closer.

When they broke apart, Jason’s eyes searched hers. “Are you sure?” he asked one last time, his voice a whisper against her lips.

“Yes,” she said, her voice trembling but firm.

Jason kissed her again, slow and deliberate, his hands sliding her sweatshirt off her shoulders, leaving her in a simple tank top. His silver cross dangled against his chest.

Their lips met again, tasting each other’s warmth as the world around them faded. His hands caressed her back, trailing heat wherever they touched. She reached for his shirt, pulling it off to reveal his smooth, toned chest. The sight of him made her breath catch, but she didn’t hesitate to run her hands along his skin, memorizing his feel.

Jason guided her to the bed, laying her down gently. He paused to brush a strand of hair from her face, his gaze full of reverence.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, making her heart ache with how deeply she felt for him.

Her breath hitched as his lips explored her neck, her collarbone, and her shoulders. Each kiss was filled with care and tenderness, but when he trailed down to her stomach, a new fire ignited within her. He was so patient, so focused, waiting for any sign of hesitation from her.

When he reached the waistband of her jeans, he kissed her stomach with a hunger that made her whimper. Slowly, he unbuttoned her jeans with steady hands. “Lift your hips a little,” he murmured, and she complied, biting her lip as he tugged them off, leaving her in just her purple panties.

“God, you’re so sexy,” he said, his voice thick with desire.

She could feel her face flush as he positioned her legs, his eyes level with her soaked center. His gaze alone sent a shiver through her, but it was nothing compared to the sensation of his lips brushing the inside of her thigh.

“You’re so wet for me,” he said, his voice reverent.

Ruth’s hips jerked slightly when he kissed her through the fabric of her panties, the pressure electrifying. “Jason,” she breathed, her voice needy.

He pulled her panties aside, revealing her to him. His tongue slid against her, circling her clit and drawing out sounds she didn’t know she could make. When he added a finger, pressing carefully inside her, she gasped, her body tensing.

“Does that hurt?” he asked, pausing to look up at her, his face glistening.

“No, wait a little, but don’t stop, please,” she begged, shaking her head.

He continued with care, his finger moving in rhythm with his tongue. The pleasure built steadily until she was trembling, her thighs shaking against his head. “Oh, Jason,” she moaned as her body quaked with her climax.

She begged him to stop when the sensation became too much, but he held her firmly, drawing every last bit of her release from her.

When she finally caught her breath, she reached for him, pulling him up to kiss her. She could taste herself on his lips, and the realization sent a thrill coursing through her. Her hands moved down, unbuckling his belt with eager but trembling fingers. As she pushed his trousers down, he sprang free into her waiting hands.

She wrapped her fingers around him, her touch tentative at first but growing bolder as she began to explore him. The warmth, the firmness, and the slight pulse she felt beneath her fingertips made her heart race. She rubbed him gently, marveling at the feel of him in her hands, her lips curling into a small, breathless smile as she watched his face react to her touch.

“Please, Jason,” she whispered. “I need you inside me.”

He paused, looking at her intently. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” she said, her voice steady.

Jason kissed her deeply before reaching for his wallet and pulling out a condom. She helped him roll it on, their fingers brushing in a way that felt oddly intimate.

“Do you want to be on top?” he asked, his voice low against her ear.

“Yes,” she said, her cheeks flushing.

He lay back, watching her with eyes full of love and desire as she positioned herself over him. She took her time, guiding him into her slowly. The initial stretch made her wince, but she paused, taking a deep breath to adjust. She counted to herself, 1... 2... 3... each number a silent anchor as she acclimatized to his fullness.

When she finally slid down fully, Ruth gasped at the overwhelming pain that followed. The profound mix of searing sensation and burgeoning pleasure made her pause, her breath coming in short, shaky bursts. She stayed still, her hands braced on Jason’s chest, allowing herself a moment to acclimate. He noticed the faint trickle of blood, but said nothing, his hands instead moving to gently rub the sides of her legs, offering silent comfort.

“You’re doing so good,” he said, voice a low, soothing rumble. His fierce restraint was evident in the tightness of his jaw and the subtle tremor in his hands against her skin.

Ruth nodded, her lips parting as she began to move tentatively. The initial discomfort didn’t vanish immediately, but with every slow, deliberate motion, it began to ease, transforming. Soon, waves of pure pleasure started to ripple through her, and she felt herself melting into the rhythm. Jason’s hands gripped her hips gently, guiding her movements as his eyes locked on hers, overflowing with unspoken love and raw desire.

When her legs began to tremble from the effort, Jason carefully shifted their positions, cradling her as he laid her down on her back. He hovered above her, his weight supported on his strong arms.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he whispered, brushing a tender kiss across her forehead before slowly entering her once more.

She gasped, her hands clutching at his back as her body adjusted to the new angle. His movements were slow at first, each measured thrust accompanied by a kiss on her forehead, her cheeks, her lips. She could feel the tension in him, the way he held back, ensuring her comfort above all else.

Jason kissed away the tears that slipped from the corners of her eyes, his lips soft and infinitely tender. Gradually, as her soft moans shifted from pain to pure pleasure, he began to pick up the pace, his hips rolling against hers with increasing fervor.

“Ruth,” he groaned, her name tumbling from his lips like a prayer.

He looked down at the point of their intense connection, mesmerized by the flawless way their bodies converged. He pulled out slowly, watching her shudder beneath him, then pushed back in with a deep, consuming thrust. Ruth’s body quaked from the exquisite pleasure-pain and the profound pressure. “Jason,” she breathed, her hands clutching at his shoulders as her body arched deeply into his.

His thrusts grew faster, deeper, each movement pulling her closer to the edge of oblivion. The room filled with the sound of their ragged breathing and the rhythmic, urgent meeting of their bodies. She felt herself teetering on the brink, her nails digging into his skin as her moans became louder, more insistent, desperate.

When Jason finally spilled into the condom, he groaned deeply, his body trembling as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. He stayed there for a moment, catching his breath before pulling out carefully and collapsing beside her.

He immediately pulled her into his arms, his hand running soothingly up and down her back. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, his forehead pressed against hers.

Ruth nodded, her breath still uneven but steadily returning. “I’m okay,” she whispered, her voice soft but filled with a new, profound certainty.

“I’m so proud of you,” Jason murmured, pressing a warm kiss to the top of her head.

“I need to clean up,” she said with a sheepish smile, her cheeks flushing as she realized how tender she felt.

Jason didn’t hesitate. He rose, walked to her side of the bed, and scooped her up effortlessly. “I’ll help,” he said simply.

He carried her to the small sink in her room, grabbing a clean rag and warming it under the tap. His touch was gentle as he cleaned her, his movements careful and reverent. She hissed slightly at the tenderness, but he murmured reassurances, treating her as if she were the most precious thing in the world.

“I still need to pee,” she admitted with a shy laugh once he was done.

Jason set her down gently, placing a soft kiss on her cheek before letting her go. By the time she returned from the bathroom, he had stripped the bed of its stained sheets and replaced them with fresh, crisp ones. A steaming cup of chamomile tea sat on the nightstand, waiting for her.

“I love you,” Jason said as he handed her the cup, his eyes soft and brimming with emotion.

Ruth’s heart swelled as she took the tea, her fingers brushing against his. “I love you too,” she replied, snuggling into his arms, feeling safer and happier than she ever thought possible.