Let me in tears

"Don't open your mouth and stop spreading some gossip about me or better stop breathing! As if you were clean!" I pointed out my finger at them, "Pag-usapan niyo ako kapag may naiambag na kayo sa buhay ko. Now that you have nothing to contribute to my life just shut your mouth!" I gritted my teeth and closed my fist.

Sunod-sunod ang aking paghinga. I don't know if it was because of the liquor I drank or because of these women who were doing nothing else but to meddle in my life! I felt like my blood was all going up in my head. Gusto kong sumabog!

Shainie giggled and rolled her eyes, "Look at your clothes!" she even pointed her finger at me! I crossed my arm, I was stopping my hand to hit her face.

I took a deep breath. "It's a champagne silk mini dress, Shainie." pagtatama ko. "Oh my god, Shainie! Wake up! We're at a club! Palibhasa hindi bumabagay sa iyo ang mga sinusuot mo na  mga dress. Huwag ka mangialam because I didn't meddle at your life,"

"Let's go, Heart. Don't waste your time talking to the girls like them" awat ni Hailey.

She's my cousin, I'm with my other cousins and friends but Hailey is the one who is now at my side. Maybe some of them are minding their own business? Like flirting, drinking and dancing or whatever it is.

She grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me away. Bakas sa mukha niya ang pagkairita. I looked around, I saw the smoke coming from the cigarettes and the drunk people who's crazy dancing on the dance floor.

I held my head and it felt like my world was spinning. I think I drank too much?

"They always like that! Mga pakialamera!" I shouted.

I lifted my head at my cousin. Tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay bago umupo sa counter high chair.

"Calm down," she sighed "Ayaw mo pa ba umuwi? It's already 2am kanina pa tayong 8 nandito." I immediately close my eyes when I remember why we were here.

He's a fucking asshole.

He's a fucking heartless.

He has no right to torture my heart over and over again. This is me! Nothing's going to change. I changed but it was not enough! I wasn't enough and I will never be!

"Let's stay here for a while, Hailey. I didn't want to go home,"

I crossed my legs and smiled at my cousin. Bumuntong hininga siya bago tipid akong nginitian. I knew that she's sleepy but sorry my dear Hailey.

Hailey raised her one finger "One cocktail please," she said.

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya. Pinatong ko ang siko sa counter katulad ng ginawa niya. She's watching the guy in front of us who's doing her cocktail while me staring at her, I'm so lucky to have her.

"About the guy you're talking about? How is it?" Hailey asked.

She knew I was crazy chasing a man who didn't like me back. Anong magagawa ko? That's my decision! My heart didn't let my brain choose!

My heart is so unfair!

My heart is torture!

I hate my heart!

"Let's not talk about him," I said with a frustrated tone.

I love him so much but he has hurt me too much.

She chuckled "So, that's it? Kaya pala sunod-sunod ang pag-aaya mo mag-inom for the past days dahil broken ka? Oh! My favorite cousin is broken!" she teased.

I rolled my eyes, She let a little chuckle escape again. Broken?

I shook my head and smirked, "He's a heartless, Hailey. He's too much. I like him too much." I smiled at her bitterly.

I touched my chest because I felt like there's a bomb who suddenly exploded. I close my eyes, my world is really spinning!

"Let's go home na itetext ko na lang sila Chave na mauuna na tayo. Doon muna ako sa unit mo mag stay," usal ni Hailey bago ako alalayaan na tumayo.

I opened my eyes because of the loud music that caused the most noise. She stand straight and grabbed me by hands. Pinanood ko siyang tunggain ang cocktail bago ako tuluyan na hilahin.

Paekis-ekis na ang lakad ko, some guys are trying to approach me but Hailey didn't give them a chance and I'm so sleepy na.

I felt Hailey's hand in my arms. I looked at her, she's smiling at the people who are suddenly greeting us.

"Mabuti naman sumama ka kay Magen, Phoebe." some random girl said.

I stopped walking.

My heart beats so hard.

My chest feels so heavy.

My world suddenly stopped.

"Of course I will, gusto ko rin na mag-inom ngayon," a girl answered.

I turned slowly to see them. I saw his familiar broad shoulder, even his back, the one I could see I knew it was him.

He's Dawn Magen Villafueno.

Ang sinabi niya ayaw niya sa babaeng nag-iinom. Ang sinabi niya ayaw niya sa babaeng nagpaparty. Ang sinabi niya ayaw niya sa babaeng lantaran kung magsuot ng damit. Why there's exemption? Why the girl with the name Phoebe? Bakit kay Phoebe ay ayos lang?

I begin to struggle to breathe. My heart suddenly beats slowly with sadness. I also feel that my shoulder is moving because I sobbed.

I heard Magen chuckling "Oh.. I forced her to go with me. She's busy,"

I heard them laugh and giggled but my ear was filled with my pounding chest.

Maybe this is the hardest part? I understand but I can't accept it.

I struggled to look at my cousin who suddenly panicked.

"Oh my god! Why are you crying?" she panicked and asked while wiping my tears.

Hindi ko na mapigilan na humikbi at tumulo ang luha. It hurts! He lied to me just to avoid me.. just to push me away.

I wiped my tears and stopped myself from sobbing "I saw him, Hailey," pag-amin ko. "He's with someone. He's with some girl. He's so unfair," I covered my face and sobbed.

Kasi ang sabi niya wala pa siyang oras para sa mga babae. Ang sabi niya ayaw niya pa pero.. bakit? Bakit andaya niya? Bakit ang daya ng mundo?

"Let's go home then," Hailey said and held me with care in my arms.

I shook my head "Let's stay here. Let's have fun," I force myself to smile.

She looked at me to assure how I reacted. I avoided her gaze and started walking toward the dance floor.

I raised my hands and started to jump. Sa bawat pagtalon ko ay sumasakit ang paa ko dahil sa suot kong heels pero wala ng mas sasakit pa sa nararamdaman ng kawawa kong puso. Sa bawat pagtalon ko sabay-sabay rin ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko.

"You're not having fun, Heart!" Hailey stopped me.

Hindi ako nagpapigil sa kaniya. I jumped as I can. This world! this heart! I hate it!

"Heart! Ano ba? Nadugo na ang sugat mo sa paa! Stop dancing!" she shouted.

I don't care! Mas masakit pa ang nararamdaman ng puso ko kaysa sa katiting na sugat sa paa ko! I hate it!

My knee was so weak that I was sitting on the floor. I bowed my head and hug my knee. Nagsisimula na naman ang ang paghikbi ko at pagtulo ng luha. Sobrang bigat na ng dibdib ko.

"Stand up, Heart! Baka maapakan ka ng iba!" Hailey stopped.

I shook my head, tapakan nila kung gusto nila! Wala akong pakialam.

"Excuse me?!" some girl shouted.

I lifted my head. The girl was looking at me like I made the biggest mistake.

Nilagay niya ang parehas na kamay sa magkabilang pisngi "Can you stand up and go?! Sasayaw kasi kami but you're making drama!" she shouted.

My blood started to boil.

I stood up and glared at her but I suddenly stepped backward when I saw him.

He stared at me like I killed someone. His intense gaze made my fist close. Sa paraan ng pagtitig niya ay parang kinukurot ang puso ko.

Napatingin ako sa kamay niyang humawak sa braso ng babae. Nagbadya na naman ang luha ko at nanlalabo ang paningin.

I stare at them who suddenly turned around and walked away kasabay ng pagtulo muli ng aking luha.

How can he leave me immediately? He always did it, until now?

I'm the one who is always there for him but still not the one is chosen.