Kabanata 3

I stood there frozen, my mind completely blank as my heart hammered wildly against my ribs. Hindi man lang ako makapagsalita.

For a few seconds, I honestly thought he was still that quiet, easily flustered guy who always sat at the front of the class, too busy studying to even notice anyone around him.

Pero ngayong nakikita ko siya nang ganito—with his tie slightly undone, his hair slightly messy, and his chest rising and falling heavily—I finally realized how badly I had fucked up.

I had provoked a monster.

And now, I wasn't sure if I could take back what I'd started.

Slowly, his thumb brushed against my lower lip, wiping away the faint wetness left by his kiss. His eyes stayed on my lips for a second longer than they should have before slowly meeting mine again.

There was something different in his eyes.

Something raw.

Something he'd clearly been trying to hide for a long time.

“Cat got your tongue, Elaine?” he whispered.

There was a faint trace of amusement in his voice, but his expression didn't completely match it. His jaw was still tense, and I could see the way he swallowed hard, as if he was trying to regain control of himself.

Hindi siya lumayo.

Instead, he closed the little distance between us again, his broad chest pressing against mine until my back met the edge of the desk.

“You started this,” he murmured, his breath warm against my skin. “And I'm not stopping until you admit you want this.”

Napasinghap ako, my fingers instinctively tightening around his shoulders.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

And that was the worst part.

Napansin kong bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya nang hindi ako sumagot. His eyes searched my face, almost impatient at first, but then something softer slowly replaced it.

Parang gusto niyang marinig ang sagot ko.

Not because he wanted to win.

But because he genuinely needed to know.

Instead of becoming rough, biglang lumambot ang mga galaw niya. He let out a low, shaky breath, his shoulders slowly dropping as if some of the tension inside him had finally eased.

Then he rested his forehead briefly against mine.

His eyes closed.

For the first time, I saw just how affected he really was.

Hindi lang ako ang kinakabahan.

He was trembling, too.

Then his lips moved slowly along my jaw and down toward my neck, leaving soft, lingering kisses that made me shiver despite myself.

I hated how easily my body betrayed me.

What have I done?

Akala ko asar-asar lang 'to.

Pero bakit ngayon, ako 'yung walang kalaban-laban?

He pulled back just enough to look at me.

His hair was slightly messy, his lips flushed, and his usually composed expression was nowhere to be found. His eyes were darker now, but underneath that intensity was something I couldn't quite understand.

Something almost vulnerable.

And damn it.

I couldn't even blame those bitches. God, this man was fucking hot.

As he moved back slightly, our eyes remained locked.

“Baby,” he whispered.

The moment the word left his lips, I saw the slightest hesitation in his expression, almost as if he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

That single word was enough to make my knees feel weak.

“You have no idea how long I've been holding back just to be this close to you.” His voice softened.

He looked away for a brief second, his jaw tightening.

Then his eyes returned to mine.

“Kaya please...” His voice almost cracked. He took a slow breath before continuing. “Don't push me away.”

Gulantang.

Nagngitngit.

My brain practically short-circuited.

That word coming from him finally snapped me out of whatever spell I'd been under.

No fucking way.

Akala ko simpleng asar lang 'to sa nerd na 'to, pero ako pala ang nabiktima. My pride couldn't take this. Ako dapat ang may kontrol dito, eh.

I can't believe this pretentious nerd.

Gathering whatever strength I had left, sinubukan ko siyang itulak palayo habang pilit akong bumababa sa desk.

“Let me go, Lorcan! Sabi nang tama na, eh!” I spat out.

My voice came out shakier than I wanted, which only made me more annoyed.

Pero imbes na lalo siyang gumamit ng puwersa, bigla siyang natigilan.

I felt his body tense.

His eyes immediately dropped to my face, and for the first time, I saw something close to panic flash across them.

Parang biglang nawala ang lahat ng tapang niya.

Bumigat ang katawan niya sa akin for only a second before he seemed to realize what he was doing.

His grip loosened.

“Okay,” he breathed.

Agad niyang binitawan ang mga kamay ko.

He stepped back, but his eyes never left mine.

His chest was still rising and falling heavily, and I could see the way his fingers curled into fists at his sides, as if he was physically forcing himself not to reach for me again.

Parang biglang nawala 'yung intimidating version niya.

Instead, he was just... quiet.

Desperate.

Almost pitiful.

Niyakap niya ako kanina nang mahigpit na para bang ayaw niya akong pakawalan, pero ngayon, hindi na niya ako hinawakan.

He simply stood there, staring at me with an expression I had never seen on him before.

Parang may gusto siyang sabihin pero hindi niya alam kung paano.

“Elaine...” he murmured.

His voice was softer now.

Bumalik na naman ang boses niya sa soft at inosenteng tono na palagi niyang ginagamit kapag nagre-recite sa klase.

Pero ngayon, wala na iyong dating confidence.

There was something almost pleading in it.

“I’m not going to force you.”

Napakagat ako sa labi.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

His lips parted, but no words came out immediately.

Napatingin siya sa akin nang matagal, his eyes moving over my face as if he was trying to memorize every little reaction.

Then he gave a small, almost helpless smile.

“Because I want you.”

Diretsahan.

Walang laro. Walang palusot..

His eyes didn't leave mine when he said it.

“But wanting you doesn't mean you owe me anything.”

Nanikip ang dibdib ko.

For some reason, mas tumama sa akin ang mga salitang iyon kaysa sa lahat ng sinabi niya kanina.

Mas lalo tuloy akong nalito.

“You were the one who pushed me to this,” he whispered.

Bahagya siyang napailing, almost frustrated with himself.

“But you don't have to keep going just because you started it.”

Sandali siyang natahimik.

His gaze dropped to the floor before slowly lifting back to mine.

“Your choice, Elaine.”

Oh, God.

Ang tindi ng lalaking 'to.

Hindi siya nananakit. Hindi rin siya marahas.

It was soft—almost unfairly gentle, nakakabaliw sa paraan na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

Parang sinasadya niyang gamitin ang matamis niyang boses para unti-unting ibaba ang depensa ko. Mukha siyang inosente, pero alam kong hindi ako dapat nagpapaloko.

And yet...

At tangina, effective talaga.

Sobrang lumalambot na naman ako.

“Don't do that,” I wheezed.

His eyebrows immediately pulled together.

“Do what?”

“Make it harder for me to hate you.”

For a moment, he just stared at me.

Then something shifted in his eyes.

The amusement disappeared completely.

His lips curved into the smallest smile, but it wasn't smug or teasing this time.

It was almost relieved.

“Then don't.”

Napatigil ako.

Tinitigan ko lang siya habang patuloy na nagwawala ang tibok ng puso ko.

I couldn't tell what was more terrifying—the way he looked at me or the way I was starting to understand what was behind that look.

Nang sa wakas ay bahagya siyang lumayo, pareho kaming naghahabol ng hininga.

I looked at him, still trying to process everything that had just happened.

He looked just as affected.

His breathing was uneven, his hair was a mess, and his eyes still held that strange mixture of want and vulnerability.

Then I finally managed to ask the question that had been bothering me from the very beginning.

“S-Since when?” I breathed.

“W-What?”

His eyebrows knitted together, genuine confusion crossing his face.

Hindi ko inalis ang paningin ko sa kaniya habang mariing nagngangalit ang mga ngipin ko.

“Kailan ka pa naging baliw, Lorcan?”

KINABUKASAN, late na akong nagising.

Ang bigat ng buong katawan ko pagmulat ko ng mga mata. Napangiwi ako at napadaing nang bahagya habang pilit na ginagalaw ang katawan ko.

Mabuti na lang at Sabado ngayon at wala akong klase.

Hayop na Lorcan.

Pilit akong bumangon kahit medyo masakit pa ang katawan ko. Napahawak pa ako sa gilid ng kama habang inaayos ang sarili ko.

Talagang kasalanan lahat ’to ni Lorcan.

Napatingin ako sa salamin nang mapansin kong ang dami palang pasa sa leeg ko. I touched one of them and immediately hissed when the pain shot through me.

Nagkulay violet na ang mga iyon, at hindi lang isa—ang dami pa. Napakagat-labi ako sa inis habang tinititigan ang mga marka sa leeg ko.

Hayop na lalaki. Ang dami pa talaga ng mga pantal, at hindi man lang niya tinigilan ang leeg ko.