เข้าสู่ระบบThe project started the way the best things in my family started: at a dinner table, with too much wine, and an idea that nobody was entirely serious about until everybody was.The reunion in Greece had been the previous summer, the extended family gathered at my parents' house, and on the third evening the four of us had stayed up after everyone else had gone to bed and had sketched something on the back of a dinner menu. Emma's circular wearable sculptures. Jack's ethical data framework. Leo's sustainable production model. My performance element. One thing, made of four things, none of which we had made together before.We had taken photographs of the dinner menu and filed them as things you file when you are not sure whether they are real yet, and had gone back to our separate lives.Six months later Emma called me from Dublin."I've been thinking about the dinner menu," she said."So have I," I said."I want to do it properly," she said. "Write a real proposal. Find the right orga
I had tried to prepare Ezra for Christmas.I had been specific about it, which was not my natural mode for family descriptions but which felt necessary. I had told him about the noise level, which was considerable and had been consistent since I was a child and showed no signs of reducing now that the family had expanded to include grandchildren. I had told him about Lucien's logistics management, the way my father approached family gatherings with the quiet efficiency of someone who had been organising large operations for forty years and found this a manageable extension of that skill. I had told him about Leo and Daniel, about Emma and Saoirse who were flying from Dublin, about Jack and Priya and Nadia coming from London, about Blair and her family making the trip from wherever Blair currently was.Ezra had listened to all of this with the careful attention he brought to complex systems he was about to enter. He had asked two questions: where should he stand when it became too much
The conversation about living together started practically, which was how most of the important conversations between us started.It was January, fourteen months after the breakfast in Park Slope, three months after Ash had opened to the reviews Ezra had predicted. I had been in Carroll Gardens and he had been in the West Village and we had been spending most nights in one place or the other, which meant one of us was always travelling light and the other was always receiving someone who was travelling light, and the arrangement had begun to have the specific inefficiency of two people managing two separate spaces to maintain a domestic geography that no longer reflected how we were actually living.Ezra raised it. Not as a question but as an observation, which was his approach to most things he had already thought through."We're essentially already living together," he said. "Badly.""Yes," I agreed."If we're going to do it we should do it in one place that belongs to both of us ra
The play came to me through Diane in May, three weeks after the Sunday in the West Village.She sent the script with a note that said: read before you decide anything. I had learned that this specific instruction from Diane meant she thought I might be wrong about my first instinct, which meant she thought my first instinct would be no.She was right. My first instinct, reading the description before the script, was no.The play was called Ash, a two-act piece about a sixty-one-year-old literature professor named Harold who was navigating the first year after his wife's death while teaching a seminar on elegies. The role required twenty years of age and a quality of lived grief that I had not yet been asked to produce on stage. I was twenty-four. The gap between me and Harold was not a small gap.I read the script.By the second act I understood why Diane had sent the note.The play was extraordinary in the specific way of writing that was not trying to be extraordinary, that was simp
It was a Sunday in April, nine months since the breakfast in Park Slope, and we were in Ezra's apartment in the West Village for the first time.He had been to Carroll Gardens many times. I had not been to the West Village apartment until now, which I had understood as information rather than as something to push against. He had not been ready to have me in his space, and he had not said so directly, and I had not required him to say so directly. The not-pushing had been the correct response, and on Sunday morning he had said come over for dinner and I had understood that the invitation meant something different from the previous invitations, which had always been to restaurants or to my flat or to the theatre.The apartment was smaller than I had expected and more carefully arranged, every object in it placed with the intention of someone who had thought about what they needed around them and had acquired only that. Books organised by subject. A desk near the window with the kind of
The offer came in March, six weeks after closing night, when Ezra and I had been spending time together in the careful way of two people who were learning each other without rushing the learning.The organisation was called Open Path, an international LGBTQ+ youth advocacy group operating in twenty-three countries, funded by a coalition of foundations and individual donors, with a board that included people whose work I had been following for years. They had been watching my public presence since I came out at eighteen and had, according to the letter the executive director sent me, been considering the approach for two years before making it.The role was an advisory board position, permanent rather than time-limited, requiring quarterly board meetings, two public-facing campaigns per year, and occasional media appearances on issues falling within the organisation's scope. The letter was careful and specific and had been written by someone who understood that performers received appr
I arrived at Cross Luxury Group at seven the next morning, two hours before my official start time. I couldn't sleep anyway. Pregnancy insomnia combined with nervous energy had me awake at five, sketching ideas in Tessy's kitchen while she fed the twins.Rachel Kim met me in the lobby, looking surp
Three weeks into my London life, Blair flies over to visit. I pick her up at Heathrow with Leo, who bounces with excitement."Mom! Mom!" He runs to her at arrivals, and she drops her bags to hug him."Hi, baby. I missed you so much."Watching them together, I see something different in Blair. She h
I wake to beeping machines and antiseptic smell. Hospital. Again. My mouth tastes like cotton and my head feels stuffed with wool."Chloe?" Lucien's voice, rough and urgent. "Can you hear me?"I force my eyes open. The lights are dim, thankfully. Lucien sits beside the bed, his hand gripping mine l
Lucien's penthouse is exactly what I expected. Sleek, modern, expensive. Floor to ceiling windows overlooking Central Park. Minimalist furniture in shades of gray and white. Abstract art on the walls. Everything perfect and controlled, just like him."The guest room is down this hall," he says, whe







